Little Mary and Little Johnny were 8 years old. They fell madly in love and wanted to get married so they went to Mary's dad and told him they were to get married.

Mary's father thought this was very cute and questioned them, "But where will you live?"

Little Johnny had thought of everything so he replied, "Mary's room is bigger than mine so we would live there". "

Very good" replied Mary's father.

"And where would you get money to survive?" asked Mary's dad.

"I get $10 a week in allowance," said Johnny, "and Mary gets $5, so we would have enough to survive."

Mary's father was thinking how cute that they have all this planned but was sure they would not have an answer for his next question. So he asked, "But what if Mary and you have little babies, what then?"

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF LITTLE JOHNNY

Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that "Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the differences between boys and girls," and would his mother, "please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this."

So johnny's mother takes him quietly, by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door.

- First, johnny, I want you to take off my blouse... So he unbuttons her blouse and takes it off.

- Ok, now take off my skirt... and he takes off her skirt.

- Now take off my bra... which he does.

A teacher decides that she is going to teach her second grade class a new word today.

She tells them that the word is ‘definitely’ and its meaning is “absolute, positive, without a doubt.”

She asks the class if anyone can think of a sentence with the word in it. She calls on little Brad who is in the back raising her hand, quite sure of herself.

Brad stands up and says, “The sky is definitely blue.”

The teacher replies to her, “Well, that's a good sentence but sometimes the sky is gray, and sometimes its cloudy, and sometimes its red and pink so the sky is not definitely blue. Anyone else?”

Joe's hand flies up and she calls on him.

Joe answers, “The water is definitely clear.”

“Well, Joe that's a good sentence but sometimes the water is muddy, and sometimes it's green, and sometimes it's full of seaweed so it's not definitely clear. Anyone else?”

Finally, in the far corner, little Johnny slowly raises his hand.

“Yes, Johnny?” asks the teacher.

“Can I ask a question, teacher?” Johnny replies.

“Yes.”

“Do farts have lumps?”

“No. Why do you ask.”

Little Johnny returning home from his first day at school said to his mother, "Mum, what's sex?"

"Mummy,Mummy", called Little Johnny one day, "do you know the beautiful vase in the dining room that's been handed down from generation to generation ?"

"Yes", said his mother. "What about it?"

Little Johnny Playing Doctor

After discovering her young daughter playing doctor with the neighbor's boy Little Johnny, the angry mother grabbed the boy by the ear and dragged him to his house and confronted his mother.

"It's only natural for young boys and girls to explore their sexuality by playing doctor at their age," the neighbor said.

A first grade teacher had a small number of children gathered around a table for a reading group. After the story was read she gave the children a work sheet to do.

While they were working she heard a little Johnny say very softly "Damn!"

Dog Bath  

Little Johnny walked into a grocery store and selected a large box of laundry detergent and took it to the counter.

The clerk said, "You must have a large load of clothes to wash." "Oh no," said Johnny, "I'm going to give my dog a bath."

"I don't think that is the right soap to use to bathe your dog," said the clerk.

"It'll do," said Johnny, as he paid the clerk and walked out.

A few days later Johnny goes back to the store to buy some candy.

"How's your dog?" the clerk asked. "He died", said Johnny.

"I told you that soap wasn't right for your dog," replied the clerk.

A Kentucky teacher was quizzing her students. "Johnny, who signed the Declaration of Independence?" He said, "Damn if I know." She was a little put out by his swearing, so she told him to go home and to bring his father with him when he came back.

Little Johnny has an assignment to create a crossword.

He creates one but he can't make up a 5 letter word starting with aP, so he goes to his father for help. "Father", he says, "I can't make up a 5 letter word starting with a P."

"That's easy, son",the father replies, "It's Penis".

"What's Penis ?"

little Johnny asks cause he has never heard that word before. So the father takes him into a private room, opens his zip and WHOOOHA bangs it on the table and the table cracks a little. "That's Penis,son!", the father says proudly.

So the next day little Johnny happily arrives to school having comleted his crossword, and finds out that his girlfriend had the same problem and no one helped her to make up a five letter word starting with a P.

So Little Johnny takes his girl friend into a private room and WHOOOHA, takes out his thing. The table cracks in half. "OOOOH,is that a penis ?", his girlfriend asks.

Little Johnny was a very good student in school.

He always got good grades, and was very polite. But one day, little Johnny had a change of mind.

It was a cold Fall morning. As usual, Johnny and his friends were goofing around at school in their class. They were making funny faces, and those unpleasant noises. The teacher didn't like their little ideas, so she said, "Johnny, boys, stop messing around!" And they still messed around. "Boys! Stop!" And they continued making faces and goofing off. "BOYS!!" she said.

One morning Little Jonny's mother was cleaning his room, and she found an S & M magazine under the bed.

She was beside herself worrying, trying to think of how to handle the situation.

Finally her husband came home from work, and he asked her how her day was.

The mother told him about the magazine. Shaking, she asked him how they were going handle this situation.

Ten year old Little Johnny rushes home from school.

He invades the fridge and is scooping out some cherry vanilla ice cream.

When his mother enters the kitchen. She says, "Put that away Johnny. You can't have ice cream now. It's too close to supper time. Go outside and play."

Johnny whimpers and says, "There's no one to play with."

Trying to placate him, she says, "OK. I'll play with you. What do you want to play?"

He says, "I wanna play Mommie and Daddy." Trying not to register surprise, and to further appease him, she says, "Fine, I'll play. What do I do?"

Johnny says, "You go up to the bedroom and lie down." Figuring that she can easily control the situation... Mom goes upstairs.

Johnny, feeling a bit cocky, swaggers down the hall and opens the utility closet. He dons his fathers old fishing hat. As he starts up the stairs he notices a cigarette butt in the ashtray on the end table. He picks it up and slips it in the corner of his mouth. At the top of the stairs he moves to the bedroom doorway.

The teacher decided to give a pop quiz on this week's spelling words.

She asked the students to spell the words and use them in a sentence,

Three of the words were hotel, stigma, and homosexual.

Little Johnny's answers were:

1. H-o-t-e-l: The president asked Monica to keep their affair secret, but Linda Trip made the ho, tel.

2. S-t-i-g-m-a: The president said to Monica, "I want you to stig-ma cigar in your you know what.

3. H-o-m-o-s-e-x-u-a-l: The president asked Monica not to wear panties because he thought it made the ho mo sexual.

Three little boys sitting on a wall, a priest walks up to them and ask the first little boy "If you could have anything in the world you want what would it be?"

Little Tommy said, "I want that black Cadillac over there!" The priest said okay.

Little Tony said, "I want that white Cadillac!" The priest agrees.

Then the priest asks Little Johnny what he would like. He says, "I want a little triangle patch of hair."