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Author Topic: Poems Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-05-2006 09:17 AM                        Rated G When the tide of life surrounds you and the water upsets your boat, Don't waste your tears on what might have been, Just lie on your back and float. Jess  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-09-2006 10:29 AM                        Rated G I Wish I Was A Diamond A Rare And Precious Stone Something Very Special That Someone Wants To Own But I Feel Like An Unread Book Left Upon The Rack Many Like To Take A Look But Always Put Me Back CAZ  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-16-2006 06:48 AM                        Rated G Quirk Levi Blues I passed up on the butter I passed up on the rum So why am I unable To cover up my bum? I should get a bonus For all that I denied My Levis still won’t zip No matter how I tried It’s very hard to waddle With pants bunched at the knees Mayhap humiliation Will burn more calories.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-18-2006 01:32 PM                        Rated G ....Bruce The horse and the mule live thirty years And nothing know of wines and beers. The goats and sheep at twenty die With never a taste of scotch or rye. The cow drinks water by the ton And at eighteen is mostly done. The dog at sixteen cashes in Without the aid of rum or gin. The cat in milk and water soaks And then in twelve short years it croaks. The sober, modest, bone-dry hen Lays eggs for nogs, then dies at ten. The animals are strictly dry They sinless live and swiftly die. While sinful, ginful, rum-soaked men Survive for three score years and ten. And some of us, though mighty few Stay pickled till we're ninety-two. [ 01-25-2006, 08:35 AM: Message edited by: Bob Maar ]  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-25-2006 08:37 AM                        Rated G cutie pa2ti A flea and a fly in a flue, Were imprisoned so what could they do? Said the fly, "Let us flee," Said the flea, "Let us fly," So they flew through a flaw in the flue.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-25-2006 10:41 AM                        Rated G Elaine By the time you swear you're his, Shivering and sighing, And he vows his passion is Infinite, undying, Lady, make a note of this: One of you is lying.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-02-2006 10:12 AM                        Rated G B.B. ~Tea for Two~ Mr. Meant To has a comrade, And his name is Didn't Do; Have you ever chanced to meet them? Did they ever call on you? These two fellows live together In the house of Never Win; And I'm told that it is haunted By the ghost of Might Have Been. ~ Unknown  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-22-2006 12:14 PM                        Rated G B.B. It's Tax Time! Tax his land, tax his wage, Tax his bed in which he lays. Tax his tractor, tax his mule, Teach him taxes is the rule. Tax his cow, tax his goat, Tax his pants, tax his coat. Tax his ties, tax his shirts, Tax his work, tax his dirt. Tax his tobacco, tax his drink, Tax him if he tries to think. Tax his booze, tax his beers, If he cries, tax his tears. Tax his bills, tax his gas, Tax his notes, tax his cash. Tax him good and let him know That after taxes, he has no dough. If he hollers, tax him more, Tax him until he's good and sore. Tax his coffin, tax his grave, Tax the sod in which he lays. Put these words upon his tomb, "Taxes drove me to my doom!" And when he's gone, we won't relax, We'll still be after the inheritance TAX Hey maybe you'll get a refund!! ~ Author Unknown  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-28-2006 01:00 PM                        Rated G Popo Mary had a little lamb, she kept it in a bucket. And every time the lamb got out, the dog would try to ..... put it back into the bucket!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-10-2006 07:21 AM                        Rated G Lorraine Babies haven't any hair: Old men's heads are just as bare; From the cradle to the grave Lies a haircut and a shave. Samuel Goodman Hoffenstein  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-27-2006 03:48 PM                        Rated G Everything Looks Wonderful ! My face in the mirror, Isn't wrinkled or drawn. My house isn't dirty, The cobwebs are gone. My garden looks lovely And so does my lawn-- I think I might never Put my glasses back on ! --Anon.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-28-2006 07:28 AM                        Rated G B.B. Our air force unit was put on standby during Operation Desert Storm. While we were passing time, the conversation turned to field chow halls and MREs (Meals Ready to Eat). I said that the powdered eggs weren't so bad once you got used to them. In response, my buddies came up with a verse in the tradition of Dr. Seuss's Green Eggs and Ham: "I will not eat them in Iraq, I will not eat them in attack. I will not eat them in the rain, I will not eat them with Hussein; I will not eat them here or there, I will not eat them anywhere. I do not like powdered eggs and ham, I do not like them, Uncle Sam."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-01-2006 11:06 AM                        Rated G A is for apple, and B is for Boat, that used to be right, but now it won't float. Age before beauty is what we once said, but let's be a bit more realistic instead. Now, A's for arthritis; B's the bad back, C is for chest pains, perhaps cardiac. D is for dental decay and decline; E is for eyesight, can't read that top line. F is for fissures and fluid retention, G is for gas, which I'd rather not mention. H is high blood pressure--I'd rather it low; I for incisions with scars you can show. J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend. K is for knees that crack when they bend. L for libido, what happened to sex? M is for memory, I forget! What comes next? N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low; O is for osteo, the bones that don't grow! P for prescriptions, I have quite a few, Just give me a pill and I'll be good as new. Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu? R for reflux, one meal turns to two. S for sleepless nights, counting my fears. T for tinnitus; there's bells in my ears. U is for urinary; big troubles with flow; V is for vertigo, that's "dizzy" you know. W is for worry, NOW what's going round? X is for X-ray, and what might be found. Y is another year I'm left here behind, Z is for zest that I still have--in my mind. I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed, And I've kept twenty-six doctors fully employed!! May your troubles be less, your blessings more... and nothing but Happiness come through your door. ~Unknown~  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-13-2006 10:13 AM                        Rated G A HILLBILLY LOVE POEM SUSIE LEE DONE FELL IN LOVE; SHE PLANNED TO MARRY JOE. SHE WAS SO HAPPY 'BOUT IT ALL, SHE TOLD HER PAPPY SO. PAPPY TOLD HER, SUSIE GAL, YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER. I'D JUST AS SOON YO' MA DON'T KNOW, BUT JOE IS YO' HALF BROTHER. SO SUSIE PUT ASIDE HER JOE AND PLANNED TO MARRY WILL, BUT AFT ER TELLING PAPPY THIS, HE SAID, "THERE'S TROUBLE STILL. YOU CAN'T MARRY WILL, MY GAL, AND PLEASE DON'T TELL YOU' MOTHER, BUT WILL AND JOE, AND SEVERAL MO' I KNOW IS YO' HALF BROTHER. BUT MAMA KNEW AND SAID, MY CHILD, JUST DO WHAT MAKES YO' HAPPY. MARRY WILL OR MARRY JOE. YOU AIN'T NO KIN TO PAPPY.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-06-2006 07:02 PM                        Rated PG Faye in Kingston, Ont. WINTER POEM The best piece of English literature I've seen in quite a while. Try to memorize this beautiful poem by December. " WINTER " A poem by Abigail Elizabeth McIntyre "SHIT, It's Cold!"  |  IP: Logged

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