|  IP: Logged

"404" (Poem about the infamous "404 File not found" server error)

It is said, "To err is human,"
That quote from alt.times.lore,
Alas, you have made an error,
So I say, "404.

"Double-check your URL,
As we all have heard before.
You ask for an invalid file name,
And I respond, "404.

"Perhaps you made a typo--
Your fingers may be sore--
But until you type it right,
You'll only get 404.

Maybe you followed a bad link,
Surfing a foreign shore;
You'll just have to tell that author
About this 404.

I'm just a lowly server(
Who likes to speak in metaphor),
So for a request that I don't know,
I must return 404.

Be glad I'm not an old mainframe
That might just dump its core,
Because then you'd get a ten-meg file
Instead of this 404.

I really would like to help you,
But I don't know what you're looking for,
And since I don't know what you want,
I give you 404.

Remember Poe, insane with longing
For his tragically lost Lenore.
Instead, you quest for files.
Quoth the Raven, "404!"

Come listen to a story 'bout a man named John,
A poor ex-marine with his little wanker gone.
It seems one night after gettin' with the wife,
She lopped off his dong with the swipe of a knife.

Penis, that is.
Clean cut.
Missed his nuts.

Well, the next thing you know there's a Ginsu by his side,
And Lorena's in the car takin' Willie for a ride.
She soon got tired of her purple-headed friend,
Tossed him out the window as she went around a bend.

Curve, that is.
Tossed the nub.
In the shrub.

She went to the cops and confessed to the attack,
They called out the hounds just to get his weenie back.
They sniffed and they barked and they pointed "over there"
To John Wayne's henry that was waving in the air.

Found, that is.
By a fence.
Evidence.

Now peter and John couldn't stay apart for long,
So a dick doc said, "Hey, I can fix that dong!"
"A needle and a thread is all we're gonna need"
And the whole world waited till they heard that Johnny pee'd.

Whizzed, that is.
Straight stream.
Even seam.

Well he healed and he hardened and he took his case to court,
With a half-assed lawyer cause his assets came up short.
They cleared her of assault and acquitted him of rape
And his pecker was the only thing they didn't show on
tape.

Video, that is.
Unexposed.
Case Closed.

Y'all sleep on your stomachs now, ya hear?????

Whatever you give away today,
or think or say or do
will multiply about tenfold
and then return to you.

It may not come immediately,
nor from the obvious source
but the law applies unfailingly,
through some invisible force.

Whatever you feel about another,
be it love or hate or passion
will surely bounce right back to you
in some clear (or secret) fashion

If you speak about some person,
a word of praise or two,
soon, tens of other people
will speak kind words of you.

Our thoughts are broadcasts of the soul,
not secrets of the brain.
Kind ones bring us happiness;
petty ones, untold pain.

Giving works as surely
as reflections in a mirror.
If hate you send, hate you'll get back,
but loving brings love nearer.

Remember, as you start this day
and duty crowds your mind,
that kindness comes so quickly back
to those who first are kind.

Let that thought and this one
direct us through each day.
The only things we ever keep
are the things we give away.

Buttprints In The Sand

One night I had a wondrous dream,
One set of footprints there were seen,
The footprints of my precious Lord,
But mine were not along the shore.

But then some stranger prints appeared,
And I asked the Lord, "What have we here?"
Those prints are large and round and neat,
"But Lord, they are too big for feet."

"My child," He said in somber tones,
"For miles I carried you alone.
I challenged you to walk in faith,
But you refused and made me wait."

"You disobeyed, you would not grow,
The walk of faith, you would not know,
So I got tired, I got fed up,
And there I dropped you on your butt."

"Because in life, there comes a time,
When one must fight, and one must climb,
When one must rise and take a stand,
Or leave their butt prints in the sand."

Rated G

What I've Learned By Andy Rooney

I've learned....that the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

I've learned....that when you're in love,it shows.

I've learned....that just one person saying to me, "You've made my day!" makes my day.

I've learned....that having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

I've learned.... that being kind is more important than being right.

I've learned....that you should never say no to a gift from a child.

I've learned....that I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way.

I've learned....that no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

I've learned....that sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold
and a heart to understand.

I've learned....that simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.

I've learned....that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

I've learned....that we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.

I've learned....that money doesn't buy class.

I've learned....that it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

I've learned....that under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

I've learned....that the Lord didn't do it all in one day. What makes me think I can?

I've learned....that to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

I've learned....that when you plan to get even with someone,you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

I've learned....that love, not time, heals all wounds.

I've learned....that the easiest way for me to grow as a person
is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.

I've learned....that everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.

I've learned....that there's nothing sweeter than sleeping with your babies and feeling their breath on your cheeks.

I've learned....that no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

I've learned....that life is tough, but I'm tougher.

I've learned....that opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.

I've learned....that when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

I've learned....that I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her, one more time, before she passed away.

I've learned....that one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

I've learned....that a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

I've learned....that I can't choose how I feel, but I can choose what I do about it.

I've learned....that when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.

I've learned....that everyone wants to live on top of the mountain,
but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

I've learned....that it is best to give advice in only two circumstances; when it is requested and when it is a life-threatening situation.

I've learned....that the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

~by Andy Rooney~

Girl Poem

I shave my legs,
I sit down to pee,
And I can justify any,
shopping spree

Don't go to a barber,
but a beauty salon.
I can get a massage
without a hard-on.

I can balance the checkbook,
I can pump my own gas.
Can talk to my friends,
about the size of my ass.

My beauty's a masterpiece,
and yes, it takes long.
At least I can admit,
to others when I'm wrong.

I don't drive in circles,
at any cost.
And I don't have a problem,
admitting I'm lost.

I never forget,
an important date.
You just gotta deal with it,
I'm usually late.

I don't watch movies,
with lots of gore.
Don't need instant replay,
to remember the score.

I don't lose my hair,
I don't get jock itch.
And just cause I'm assertive,
Don't call me a bitch.

Don't say to your friends,
Oh yeah, I can get her.
In your dreams, my dear,
I can do better!

Flowers are okay,
But jewelry's best.
Would you look at my face,
Not at my chest!

I don't have a problem,
With Expressing my feelings.
I know when you're lying,
You look at the ceiling.

A SOUTHERN LOVE POEM

Suzy Lee she fell in love.
And planned to marry Joe.
She was so happy 'bout it all,
she told her pappy so.

Pappy told her, "Suzie Gal,
you'll have to find another.
I'd just as soon yo' maw don't know,
but Joe is yo' half-brother."

So Suz forgot about her Joe
and planned to marry Will.
But after telling Pappy this,
he said "There's trouble still."

"You ken not marry Will, my gal,
And please don't tell yo' mother,
'cause Will and Joe and several mo'
I know be yo' half-brother."

I Want To Know

I want to know, when day is done,
That life has been worth living,
That I have brought somebody joy
Through kind, unselfish giving.

I want to feel, when evening falls
and shadows quickly lengthen
That I have made somebody glad,
Some weakness I have strengthened.

I want to know that come what may
I've left some cheer and gladness;
I want to feel at close of day
I've banished someone's sadness.

I want to feel at close of day
That someone's cares were lighter
Because of kindness I have done,
May someone's life be brighter

I know I have a friend
Who'll stay right by my side,
Never judging my mistakes,
Only filling me up with pride

My friend, my precious friend
There is not one I know
As loyal and good as you

I have a terrific friend
That friend, my friend, is you
You're patient, kind & caring
And honest through and through

My friend, my precious friend
There are but scattered few
As special as you

I have a wonderful friend
Who can uplift my soul
How did I have such luck
To meet one pure and whole?

My friend, my precious friend
I am so lucky
To be blessed by you

Memorial Day

These men and women
Soldiers all
They served us proud
Their duty call

They gave their lives
For us to be
Safe from harm
And living free

Don't ignore peace
Lest we forget
The greatest gift
From each honored vet

Keep their spirit close
In memory
They died protecting
Our liberty

These men and women
Soldiers all
They served us proud
Their duty call

They gave their lives
For us to be
Safe from harm
And living free

Don't ignore peace
Lest we forget
The greatest gift
From each honored vet

Keep their spirit close
In memory
They died protecting
Our liberty

IF I COULD

If I could catch a rainbow
I would do it just for you

And share with you its beauty
On the days you're feeling blue

If I could build a mountain
You could call your very own

A place to find serenity
A place to be alone

If I could take your troubles
I would toss them in the sea

But all these things I'm finding
Are impossible for me

I cannot build a mountain
Or catch a rainbow fair

But let me be what I know best
A friend that's always there.

HOLD HER AND LOVE HER

My name was first Samantha
In the days long, long ago.
My Ma Ma was a little girl
And Oh, I loved her so!
She clapped her hands and hugged me tight
When she found me underneath the tree
That frosty Christmas morning
In eighteen ninety three.
No dolly ever had such love.
Or knew a greater pride.
Ma Ma kept my clothes just so
And I was always at her side.
The happy days were soon to pass,
Ma Ma looked at me one day
And said "I've grown too old for dolls
I must put you away."

So for many years I never knew
The darkness from the night.
But one day I was awakened from my sleep
and brought out into the light.
The one who held me in her hands
Wore clothes so strange to see,
Her eyes were hard, he lips were stern.
I did not like her holding me.
"This must have been Grandma's doll,"
she cried,
"A real antique. How nice,
And in very good condition too,
She should bring a fancy price."

Now I have a new Ma Ma
She says I cost her dear,
But she never holds me in her arms,
Or says things I like to hear.
She puts me in a room of glass
With dolls all in a row,
And she has given me another name.
She calls me Bebe Bru.

My curls are brushed, my clothes are fine
and lots of people come to stare.
But there is no love light in their eyes,
No one to really care.
How I long for hugs and kisses
And a little girl with whom to play.
My new Ma Ma just comes and looks
And then she goes away.
If she knew I was just plain Samantha
and not Bebe Bru,
Do you suppose I would know the love again
I once knew long ago?!

The Magic Of Love

Love is like magic
and it always will be,
For love still remains
life's sweet mystery.

Love works in ways
that are wondrous and strange
And there's nothing in life
that love cannot change!

Love can transform
the most commonplace
Into beauty and splendor
and sweetness and grace.

Love is unselfish,
understanding and kind,
For it sees with its heart
and not with its mind.

Love is the answer
that everyone seeks...
Love is the language
that every heart speaks.

Love can't be bought,
it is priceless and free,
Love, like pure magic,
is life's sweet mystery!