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Author
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Topic: Poems
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 02-13-2003 07:04 AM
Rated G ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
Life's Like That
Now my wife just left and the well went dry,
and my horse is sick and about to die.
Then my still blew up and the barn burned down,
and the road washed out on the way to town.
Then my dog got rabies and bit the cat,
and they both died soon after that.
Now I lost my specs, and my pipe-stem broke,
so I can't even sit and read and smoke.
Then a tree fell on the chicken shed,
and most of the hens got smashed plumb dead.
Then a chimney fire took half of a wall,
and this old shack is about to fall.
Then I caught my heel on an old dead vine,
and sat smack dab on a porcupine.
Then a beaver dam broke and my bridge washed out,
and my watch stopped working and I've got the gout.
And the bank foreclosed, so I've lost my place,
and my cow disappeared without a trace.
They cut off my credit at the grocery store,
and I lost my job and a whole lot more.
I must have been hexed by a triple curse,
as things keep going from bad to worse.
And now fate has hit me a last dirty crack,
to top off the worst - my wife's coming back! ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 02-17-2003 02:35 PM
Rated G
Damn Those Ants!
Ants, Ants, how they love to dance
The more I Raid the more they parade
Inside, outside, they don't care
Fair weather or cold they never grow old.
Columns to the right, columns to the left
Just show them a keyhole, show them a path
With those little legs they fear no draft.
Jelly sandwiches, they are making, and
their friends brought some other bugs
for speed surfing and sunbathing.
I could tell, as I smiled and tried to
close the lid, they all just surfed and
smiled right up to the end.
I hope . .
An original poem by Muunlitr
October 2, 2002
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 02-17-2003 03:20 PM
Rated G Baby Blues
Grumblers
There is a family nobody likes to meet,
They live, it is said, on Complaining Street.
In the city of Never-Are Satisfied,
The River of Discontent.
They growl at that, and they growl at this;
Whatever comes there is something amiss;
And whether their station be high or humble,
They are known by the name of Grumble.
The weather is always too hot or too cold,
Summer and winter alike they scold;
Nothing goes right with the folks you meet
Down on that gloomy Complaining Street.
They growl at the rain,
and they growl at the sun;
In fact, their growling is never done.
And if everything pleased them,
there isn't a doubt They'd growl that
they'd nothing to grumble about!
And the worst thing is that if anyone stays
Among them too long he will learn their ways,
And before he dreams of the terrible jumble
He's adopted into the family of Grumble.
So it were wisest to keep our feet
From wandering into Grumbling Street.
And never to growl whatever we do,
Lest we be mistaken for Grumblers too.
~ Author Unknown~
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 02-17-2003 03:23 PM
Rated G Baby Blues
"If I Had But A Single Day"
If I had but a single day, where would I go?
What would I say?
How would I choose my time to spend?
If I only had one day?
If I had but a single day, would I relive some yesterdays?
Would I recall all my regrets?
The jobs undone, the useless frets?
If I only had one day?
If I had but a single day,
would fear of some tomorrow play
Upon my mind and steal from me the present opportunity?
If I only had one day?
If I had but a single day, would labor claim my night and day?
Would every waking moment be consumed to grasp prosperity,
If I only had one day ?
If I had but a single day, would I sit back from all the fray
And wait for someone else to take initiative to make it great,
If I only had one day?
If I had but a single day, would I find time to kneel and pray?
Would kindness, love, and charity toward others take priority,
If I only had one day?
Indeed, I have a single day.
I can't recover yesterday, tomorrow is beyond my grasp.
I can't control future or past, for I only have this day.
Author Unknown to Me
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 02-17-2003 03:28 PM
Rated G Louise
Dust if you must but wouldn't it be better
To paint a picture or write a letter,
Bake a cake or plant a seed.
Ponder the difference between want and need.
Dust if you must but there's not much time,
With rivers to swim and mountains to climb!
Music to hear and books to read,
Friends to cherish and life to lead.
Dust if you must but the world's out there
With the sun in your eyes, the wind in your hair.
A flutter of snow, a shower of rain.
This day will not come around again.
Dust if you nust but bear in mind,
Old age will come and it's not kind.
And when you go, and go you must,
You, yourself, will make more dust.
Remember, a house becomes a home when
you can write "I love you" on the furniture.
(Author Unknown)
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 02-17-2003 03:33 PM
Rated G
Cyber Lovesick Blues
(To tune of "I've Got the Lovesick Blues")
I've got the cyber lovesick blues
Oh Lord, since my connection went away
My computer is broken
Now there's nothing to say
Okay, now what am I to do?
Well, I think I'm gonna die
Oh, I can't chat
I can't write
It's got that kind of power
Lord I love to hear it,
when it says, there's maieeellll
Such a beautiful sound
I hate to think it's all over
I lost my world it seems
I've grown so used to it somehow
Well I've nobody to talk to now
I'm lonesome
I've got the cyber lovesick blues
Well I'm in love, I'm in love
with this darn machine
that's what the matter with me
I'm love I'm in love
with this darn machine
but it don't care about me
Lord I tried and I tried to keep it bootin up
but it just won't play
but now that it is broken
and I know it is gone
this is all I can say
I've got the cyber internet blues
Oh Lord, since my connection went away
My computer is broken
Now there's nothing to say
Okay, now what am I to do?
Well, I think I'm gonna die
Oh, I can't chat
I can't write
It's got that kind of power
Lord I love to hear it,
when it says there's eeemaillll
Such a beautiful sound
I hate to think it's all over
I lost my world it seems
I've grown so used to it somehow
Well I've nobody to talk to now
I'm lonesome
I've got the cyber lovesick bluueeessss...
~Unknown~
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 02-18-2003 08:58 AM
Rated G ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
A Poem For All The Terrible Bugs Of The World--entitled
specifically, SPRAY AND DIE
Wasps, wasps, they're everywhere
In their muddy cocoons, flyin' into the air
And the one place, do you know where they flock,
Is our unfortunate and creaky boat dock.
They sting, they buzz, they build personal homes,
In a texture of mud and shaped like a dome
And one afternoon after the fish had been flayed,
I got sick of them and broke out the RAID.
After dousing the wasphives and soaking the domes
I turned to drive back to my holiday home
But what did I see, the wasps did thrive,
And were building themselves a condo-sized hive.
I unleashed the RAID and watched them fall
Then turned my back and walked down the hall.
They hit the water with an odd-sounding DWULP.
And then came a fish and down them did he GULP.
I was sad to see him in a happy form.
Because I knew he'd be dead by morn.
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 02-19-2003 12:03 PM
Rated G
Illegal's Poem
I cross ocean, poor and broke,
Take bus, see employment folk.
Nice man treat me good in there,
Say I need to see welfare.
Welfare say, "You come no more,
we send cash right to your door."
Welfare checks, they make you wealthy,
Medicaid it keep you healthy!
By and by, I got plenty money,
thanks to you, American dummy.
Write to friends in mother-land;
tell them come fast as you can.
They come in turbans and Ford trucks,
I buy big house with welfare bucks.
They come here, we live together,
more welfare checks, it gets better!
Fourteen families, they moving in,
but neighbor's patience wearing thin.
Finally, white guy moves away,
now I buy his house, and then I say,
"Find more aliens for house to rent."
And in the yard I put a tent.
Send for family they just trash,
But they, too, draw the welfare cash!
Everything is very good,
and soon we own the neighborhood.
We have hobby -- it's called breeding,
Welfare pay for baby feeding.
Kids need dentist? Wife need pills?
We get free! We got no bills!
American crazy! He pay all year,
to keep welfare running here.
We think America darn good place!
Too darn good for the white man race.
If they no like us, they can scram,
Got lots of room in Pakistan.
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 03-10-2003 04:05 PM
Rated G Baby Blues
Aches and Pains
Thought I'd let my doctor check me,
Cause I didn't feel quite right,
All those aches and pains annoyed me,
And I couldn't sleep at night.
He could find no real disorder,
But he wouldn't let it rest,
What with Medicare and Blue Cross,
We could do a couple tests.
To the hospital he sent me,
Though I didn't feel that bad,
He arranged for them to give me,
Every test that could be had.
I was fluoroscoped and cystoscoped,
My aging frame displayed,
Stripped, on an ice cold table,
While my gizzards were x-rayed.
I was checked for worms and parasites,
For fungus and the crud,
While they pierced me with long needles,
Taking samples of my blood.
Doctors came to check me over,
Probed, pushed and poked around,
And to make sure I was living,
They wired me for sound.
They have finally concluded,
Their results have filled a page,
What I have will someday kill me,
My affliction is OLD AGE!
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 03-11-2003 09:27 AM
Rated G
Beginning Today.....
Beginning today, I will no longer worry about yesterday.
It is in the past, and the past will never change.
Only I can change by choosing to do so.
Beginning today, I will no longer worry about tomorrow.
Tomorrow will always be there,waiting for me to make the most of it
But I cannot make the most of tomorrow,without first
making the most of today.
Beginning today I will look in the mirror and I will see a person
worthy of my respect and admiration.
This capable person looking back at me is someone I enjoy
spending time with, and someone I like to get to know better.
Beginning today I will cherish each moment of my life.
I value this gift bestowed upon me in this world and
I will unselfishly share this gift with others.
I will use this gift to enhance the lives of others.
Beginning today I will take a moment to step off the beaten
path and to revel in the mysteries I encounter.
I will face challenges with courage and determination.
I will overcome what barriers there may be which hinder my
quest for growth and self-improvement.
Beginning today I will take life one day at a time,one step at a time.
Discouragement will not be allowed to taint my positive self-image,my desire to succeed or my capacity to love.
Beginning today I walk with renewed faith in human kindness.
Regardless of what has gone before,
I believe there is hope for a brighter and better future.
Beginning today I will open my mind and my heart.
I will welcome new experiences -- I will meet new people.
I will not expect perfection from myself or anyone else;
perfection does not exist in an imperfect world.
But, I will applaud the attempt to overcome human foibles.
Beginning today I am responsible for my own happiness
and I will do things that make me happy...
admire the beautiful wonders of nature,
listen to my favorite music, pet a kitten or a puppy,
soak in a bubble bath.
Pleasure can be found in the most simple of gestures.
Beginning today I will learn something new;
I will try something different;
I will savor all the carious flavors life has to offer.
I will change what I can and the rest I will let go.
I will strive to become the best me I can possibly be.
Beginning today -- And every day for the rest of me life...
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 03-18-2003 12:02 PM
Rated PG
Bill
Don't Mess With Mom
My son came home from school one day,
with a smirk upon his face.
He decided he was smart enough,
to put me in my place.
"Guess what I learned in Civics Two,
that's taught by Mr. Wright?
It's all about the laws today,
The "Children's Bill of Rights."
It says I need not clean my room,
don't have to cut my hair.
No one can tell me what to think,
or speak, or what to wear.
I have freedom from religion,
and regardless what you say,
I don't have to bow my head,
and I sure don't have to pray.
I can wear earrings if I want,
And pierce my tongue &nose.
I can read &watch just what I like,
and get tattoos from head to toes.
And if you ever spank me,
I'll charge you with a crime.
I'll back up all my charges,
with the marks on my behind.
Don't you ever touch me,
My body's only for my use,
not for your hugs and kisses,
that's just more child abuse.
Don't preach about your morals,
like your Mama did to you.
That's nothing more than mind control,
And it's illegal too!
Mom, I have these children's rights,
so you can't influence me,
or I'll call Children's Services Division,
better known as C.S.D.
Of course my first instinct was
To toss him out the door.
But the chance to teach him a lesson
made me think a little more.
I mulled it over carefully,
I couldn't let this go.
A smile crept upon my face,
he's messing with a pro.
The next day I took him shopping
at the local Goodwill Store.
I told him,"Pick out all you want,
there's shirts &pants galore.
I've called and checked with C.S.D.
who said they didn't care
if I bought you K-Mart shoes
instead of those Nike, Airs.
And I've canceled that appointment
to take your driver's test.
The C.S.D. is unconcerned
so I'll decide what's best.
I said "No time to stop and eat,
or pick up stuff to munch.
And tomorrow you can start to learn
to make your own sack lunch.
Just save the raging appetite,
and wait till dinner time.
We're having liver and onions,
favorite dish of mine.
He asked "Can I please rent a movie,
to watch on my VCR?"
"Sorry, but I sold your TV,
for new tires on my car.
I also rented out your room,
you'll take the couch instead.
All the C.S.D. requires is
a roof for over your head.
Your clothing won't be trendy now,
and I'll choose what we eat.
That allowance that you used to get,
will buy me something neat.
I'm selling off your jet ski,
dirt-bike &roller blades.
Check out the "Parents Bill of Rights,"
It's in effect today!
Hey hot shot,are you crying,
and why are you on your knees?
Are you asking God to help you out,
instead of C.S.D..?
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