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Author
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Topic: Poems
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 01-04-2003 10:13 PM
Rated G ![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
The Outhouse Poem
The service station trade was slow
The owner sat around,
With sharpened knife and cedar stick
Piled shavings on the ground.
No modern facilities had they,
The log across the rill
Led to a shack, marked His and Hers
That sat against the hill.
"Where is the ladies restroom, sir?"
The owner leaning back,
Said not a word but whittled on,
And nodded toward the shack.
With quickened step she entered there
But only stayed a minute,
Until she screamed, just like a snake
Or spider might be in it.
With startled look and beet red face
She bounded through the door,
And headed quickly for the car
Just like three gals before.
She missed the foot log - jumped the stream
The owner gave a shout,
As her silk stockings, down at her knees
Caught on a sassafras sprout.
She tripped and fell - got up, and then
In obvious disgust,
Ran to the car, stepped on the gas,
And faded in the dust.
Of course we all desired to know
What made the gals all do
The things they did, and then we found
The whittling owner knew.
A speaking system he'd devised
To make the thing complete,
He tied a speaker on the wall
Beneath the toilet seat.
He'd wait until the gals got set
And then the devilish tike,
Would stop his whittling long enough,
To speak into the mike.
And as she sat, a voice below
Struck terror, fright and fear,
"Will you please use the other hole,
We're painting under here!" ![[sleep]](graemlins/sleep.gif)
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 01-15-2003 01:08 PM
Rated G ![[Smile]](smile.gif) Baby Blues
'Tis January.....author unknown
Wow! I remember the marvelous meals prepared,
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared.
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese,
And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."
As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt,
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt.
I said to myself, as I only can,
"You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!"
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished,
'Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
So--away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip.
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished,
'Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won't have a cookie--not even a lick,
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore,
But isn't that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot,
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet! ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 01-15-2003 01:11 PM
Rated G :)Baby Blues
To Get On In Life
Tell me how to get on in life, said the kettle...
Take panes, said the window.
Never be lead, said the pencil.
Do a driving business, said the hammer.
Aspire to great things, said the nutmeg grater.
Make light of everything, said the fire.
Make much of small things, said the microscope.
Never do anything offhand, said the glove.
Just reflect, said the mirror.
Be sharp, said the knife.
Find a good thing and stick to it, said the glue.
And that's why the kettle sings as she works,
and works as she sings.
| IP: Logged
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 01-15-2003 01:21 PM
Rated G
TIME GETS BETTER WITH AGE
I learned that I like my teacher because she cries when we
sing "Silent Night".
Age 5
I learned that our dog doesn't want to eat my broccoli either.
Age 7
I learned that when I wave to people in the country, they stop
what they are doing and wave back.
Age 9
I learned that just when I get my room the way I like it, Mom
makes me clean it up again.
Age 12
I learned that if you want to cheer yourself up, you should try
cheering someone else up.
Age 14
I learned that although it's hard to admit it, I'm secretly glad
my parents are strict with me.
Age 15
I learned that silent company is often more healing than words of
advice.
Age 24
I learned that brushing my child's hair is one of life's great
pleasures.
Age 26
I learned that wherever I go, the world's worst drivers have
followed me there.
Age 29
I learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must
live so that no one will believe it.
Age 30
I learned that there are people who love you dearly but just don't
know how to show it.
Age 42
I learned that you can make some one's day by simply sending them
a little note.
Age 44
I learned that the greater a person's sense of guilt, the greater
his or her need to cast blame on others.
Age 46
I learned that children and grandparents are natural allies.
Age 47
I learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today,
life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.
Age 48
I learned that singing "Amazing Grace" can lift my spirits for
hours.
Age 49
I learned that motel mattresses are better on the side away from
the phone.
Age 50
I learned that you can tell a lot about a man by the way he
handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled
Christmas tree lights.
Age 51
I learned that keeping a vegetable garden is worth a medicine
cabinet full of pills.
Age 52
I learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents,
you miss them terribly after they die.
Age 53
I learned that making a living is not the same thing as making a
life.
Age 58
I learned that if you want to do something positive for your
children, work to improve your marriage.
Age 61
I learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.
Age 62
I learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catchers mitt
on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back.
Age 64
I learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But if
you focus on your family, the needs of others, your work, meeting
new people, and doing the very best you can, happiness will find
you.
Age 65
I learned that whenever I decide something with kindness, I
usually make the right decision.
Age 66
I learned that everyone can use a prayer.
Age 72
I learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.
Age 82
I learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone.
People love that human touch-holding hands, a warm hug, or just a
friendly pat on the back.
Age 90
I learned that I still have a lot to learn.
Age 92
I learned that you should pass this on to someone you care about.
Sometimes they just need a little something to make them smile.
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 01-20-2003 07:16 AM
Rated G
What is Life?
Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is bliss, taste it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.
---Mother Teresa
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 01-23-2003 07:03 AM
Rated G
I'm Okay
The house is a mess, the dishes are dirty.
I'm too old for this stuff, I'm well over thirty!
The car is not clean, my hair is a wreck,
And I've already spent next Friday's paycheck.
The laundry needs washing, the kids are too rowdy,
And I never have time for a leisurely "Howdy."
With all that I do, it's never enough,
It's never quite finished, it always looks rough.
I looked in my mirror and what did I see?
A harried old stranger, where I used to be.
The hurrier I go, the behinder I get.
Today is tomorrow, and I'm not caught up yet.
My kids are growing at such a fast pace,
That I'm missing their childhood for the sake of this race.
I work and I clean and I cook, and I say
"Hit the books, clean your room!" there's no time for play.
Well, the Lord, for some reason, chose ME with the care
Of three of His children, but I'm rarely there!
I've GOT to slow down lest there's nothing to show
For my role as their Mom when they pack up and go!
I'm only one person, but look through my door,
What appears to be one, divides into more!
I'm a chauffeur, a cook, a planter of trees,
A teacher, an umpire, a mender of knees.
Sometimes, I forget that deep down inside,
There's a lady with feelings, and last night, she cried.
She gets tired and lonely, feels taken for granted
She wants to see blooms from the seeds that she's planted.
Then, amidst all the turmoil in this mind-bending pace,
My little ones look at me square in the face...
And just when I need it, they in unison say,
"Momma, I love you" and then...I'm OKAY!
~ Author Unknown ~
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 01-23-2003 09:03 AM
G
The Cold Within
Six humans trapped by happenstance
In black and bitter cold
Each possessed a stick of wood,
Or so the story's told.
Their dying fire in need of logs,
The first woman held hers back
For on the faces around the fire
She noticed one was black.
The next man looking 'cross the way
Saw one not of his church
And couldn't bring himself to give
The fire his stick of birch.
The third one sat in tattered clothes
He gave his coat a hitch,
Why should his log be put to use
To warm the idle rich?
The rich man just sat back and thought
Of the wealth he had in store,
And how to keep what he had earned
From the lazy, shiftless poor.
The black man's face bespoke revenge
As the fire passed from his sight,
For all he saw in his stick of wood
Was a chance to spite the white.
And the last man of this forlorn group
Did naught except for gain,
Giving only to those who gave
Was how he played the game.
The logs held tight in death's stilled hands
Was proof of human sin,
They didn't die from the cold without,
They died from the cold within.
by James Patrick Kinney
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 01-25-2003 07:45 PM
[b]Rated G
Received from: Jim Patterson
Poetry Super Bowl Prediction!
Football's a game of muscle and brain,
Played in the sunshine, snow or in rain.
Coaches work hard using X's and O's.
All have a goal of defeating their foes!
Some teams are old like the Packers and Browns,
Teams like the Bengals cause nothing but frowns,
The Steelers and Niners wear multiple rings,
The Bills and the Vikings may never be kings!
Now it is time for one more Super Bowl,
Two teams remain with the one common goal,
The Titans have fallen the Eagles were cooked,
The Jets and Niners were both overlooked.
One team remaining wears Silver and Black,
With a group of old players that still have the knack,
A grumpy old owner who looks like a crook,
With fans who appear to have not read a book!
Scarlet and Pewter are the Buccaneer hues,
A once lousy team owned by wealthy old Jews,
A grimacing coach that resembles a doll,
All is set up for a big Raider fall!
On the sidelines will be the cheerleading tarts,
Partying fans will expel noxious farts!
The kickoff will happen at half past the hour,
The world will soon see the Buccaneer Power!
The Buccaneer blitz will put fear in Rich Gannon,
He'll want to escape to the Dublin town, Shannon,
Frank Middleton will be knocked on his rear,
He'll suffer a three hour long "Sapp Smear"
The halftime food will be quite delicious,
Just like the receptions of Joe Jurevicius,
It won't be a blowout the Raiders will fight,
But the Bucs will prevail in the California twilight,
It could be a fumble or a pass gone awry
Perhaps a blocked kick, popped up in the sky.
Whatever it is, when the clock strikes zero,
Martin Gramatica will be the big hero!
20-17 Bucs = 1/24/03
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 01-27-2003 10:46 AM
Rated G Frank
Snow falling, oh so pretty,
all across, our small city.
Trees all dressed, in winters white,
it surely is, a pretty sight.
Children smiling, looking about,
Praying tomorrow, school is out.
Hoping to slide, down the hill,
trying not, to take a spill.
Young lovers, strolling hand in hand,
across the winter, wonderland.
Sharing their laughs, and their love,
as the snow, falls from above.
Now who am I, really trying to fool,
as I dig out, this snow shoveling tool.
I hate the snow, as it piles up deep,
cussing and swearing, Bleepity bleep.
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 01-29-2003 09:40 AM
Rated G Baby Blues
We Change
When I was in my younger days,
I weighed a few pounds less,
I needn't hold my tummy in
To wear a belted dress.
But now that I am older,
I've set my body free;
There's comfort of elastic
Where once my waist would be.
Inventor of those high-heeled shoes
My feet have not forgiven;
I have to wear a nine now,
But used to wear a seven.
And how about those pantyhose--
They're sized by weight, you see,
So how come when I put them on,
The crotch is at my knees?
I need to wear these glasses
As the prints were getting smaller;
And it wasn't very long ago
I know that I was taller.
Though my hair has turned to silver
and my skin no longer fits,
On the inside, I'm the same old me,
Just the outside's changed a bit.
~Author Unknown~
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......... Captain Silver
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