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Topic: The last person who posts here wins (part 2)
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Mike Blakesley
Film God

Posts: 12767
From: Forsyth, Montana
Registered: Jun 99
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posted 06-28-2011 10:03 PM
Al Sleet here, your hippy-dippy weatherman, with all the hippy dippy weather, man! Brought to you by Parsons Pest Control. Do you have termites, waterbugs and roaches? Parsons will get rid of the termites and waterbugs, and help you smoke the roaches!
Temperature is 88 degrees at the airport....which is stupid, 'cause I don't know anybody who lives at the airport.
I'd like to apologize to the former residents of Hackensack, New Jersey, for the weather over the weekend. Especially if you watched my show on Friday. Caught them cats nappin', man.
Now if you'll take a look at our national weather map...you'll see that we don't have one! So, try to picture last night's map...in your mind. Remember all them lines and numbers. Weather was dominated by a large Canadian low...which is not to be confused with a Mexican high!
Tonight's forecast: Dark. Continued mostly dark tonight, turning to widely scattered light in the morning, man.
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Frank Angel
Film God

Posts: 5305
From: Brooklyn NY USA
Registered: Dec 1999
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posted 06-30-2011 09:36 AM
For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt!" Well, thanks to the following genealogy, you can now respond with intellectual certainty.
Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.
After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and, because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.
Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla and Giva, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials.
The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
Now when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt," you can knowingly correct them.
Sincerely, Crock O. Schitt
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