Subject: YOU KNOW YOU ARE FROM CALIFORNIA WHEN............

You know you are from California when............

1. Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.

2. You make over $300,000 and still can't afford a house.

3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a
conversation
in English.

4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is
named Breeze.

5. You can't remember...is pot illegal?

6. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.

7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are
grown and can taste the difference between Sumatran and
Ethiopian.

8. You know which restaurant serves the freshest arugula.

9. You can't remember.....is pot illegal?

10. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.

11. A low speed police pursuit will interrupt ANY TV broadcast.

12. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.

13. A man gets on the bus in full leather regalia and crotchless chaps.
You don't even notice.

14. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing the
baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney IS
George Clooney.

15. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.

16. Your hairdresser is straight, your plumber is gay, the woman who
delivers your mail is into S & M and your Mary Kay rep is a guy in
drag.

17. You can't remember...is pot illegal?

18. It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news
station about "STORM WATCH 2000."

19. You have to leave the big company meeting early because Billy
Blanks himself is teaching the 4:00 PM Tae Bo class.

20. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are
all busy with their cell phones or pagers.

21. It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour
early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.

22. Hey!!!! Is Pot Illegal????

23. Both you AND your dog have therapists.

Little Johnny was 7 years old and curious, like other children his age. He had been hearing a lot about "courting" from the older boys and wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his question to his mother who became rather flustered. Instead of explaining things to Little Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtians one night and watch his sister and her boyfriend!!!!

This he did and the following morning Johnny described everything to his mother....

"Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he turned off most of the lights. Then he started kissing and hugging her. I figured sis must be sick cause her face started looking funny. I guess he must have too because then he put his hand in her blouse to feel her heart, just the way the doctor would. Except he must not be as clever as a doctor cause it took him a long time to find it. I guess he must have been feeling ill too because pretty soon they were both panting and getting out of breath. His other hand must have been cold because then he put it under her skirt. About this time sis began to get worse and began to moan and slide down to the end of the couch. This is when her fever started. I knew it was a fever because sis said she felt really hot. Finally, I found out what was making them sick -- a big eel had gotten into his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there, about 10 inches long, honest. Anyway he grabed it in one hand to stop it from getting away!

When sis saw it she got really scared -- her eyes got big and her mouth fell open and she started calling out to God and stuff like that. She said it was the biggest one she's ever seen: I should tell her about the ones down at the lake by our house. Anyway she got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting its head off. All of a sudden she grabbed it with both hand and held it tight while he took a muzzel out of his pocket and slide it onto the eel to stop it biting again. Sis layed back and opened her legs so she could get a scissor-lock on it and he helped by lying on top of the eel.The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squashing it between them. After a while they both quit moving and gave a great sigh. Her boyfriend got up and sure enough they had killed the eel. I knew it was dead because it just hung there all limp and some of its insides were hanging out!

Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle but they went back to courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing her, and by golly, the eel wasn't dead. It jumped right back up again!!

I guess eels are like cats they have nine lives or something. This time sis jumped up and tried to kill it by sitting on it. After about a 35 minute struggle they finally killed the eel! I knew it was dead cause I saw sis's boyfriend peel its skin off and flush it down the toilet"

Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.
Same work... more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding Dress $5000; Tux rental $100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"
One mood, ALL the damn time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
Dry cleaners and hair stylists don't rob you blind.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don't have to clean your apartment if the maid is coming.
You can quietly watch a game with a buddy for hours without thinking: "He must be mad at me."
You don't mooch off other's desserts.
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don't have to shave below your neck.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.

Actually Evans...I thought it was quite a good one.

Surely this topic deserves its own forum now...eh?

what do you get when you cross a crocodile and a abalone
croc of blone

"Yes you did."

"Oh, good!" "That means I'm in the right row."

What Award did Chewbacca Win

Wookie of the Year

What do you get when you blow up planet Endor? Endust.

What did they call Aniken when he left his mother? Little Orphan Ani.

How did Darth Maul feel after being defeated? He was beside himself.

I think these were from the "Funky Winkerbean" comic strip during the time that Ep. 1 was in theatres.

What do you get if you blow up Jar Jar Binks?

"I think I need to throw up," said the girl.

"Well, go outside," said the mother, "and use the bushes by the front door of the church."

The little girl went off but was back less than a minute later.

"That was quick," said the mother. "Did you throw up?"

"Yes, but I didn't need to go outside," replied the little girl. "I used a box near the door that says 'For the sick'".

Conair Pro Style 1600 hair dryer:
WARNING: Do not use in shower.
Never use while sleeping.

Packages containing Silly Putty:
WARNING: Not for use as earplugs.

Instructions for folding up a portable baby carriage:
Step 1: Remove baby.

Cayman Airlines safety booklet:
If you are seated in an exit aisle and are unable to read this, please ask a stewardess to reseat you.

Ray-O-Vac Renewal AA reusable batteries:
If swallowed or lodged in ear or nose see doctor immediately.

A rest stop on a Wisconsin highway:
Do not eat urinal cakes.

Batman: The Animated Series Armor Set Halloween costume:
PARENT: Please exercise caution—mask and chest plate are not protective; cape does not enable wearer to fly.

VCR box:
Instructional video on hooking up your VCR included.

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.

On a hotel provided shower cap in a box:
Fits one head.

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.