Q: Di you hear about the wandering Nun?

49ers New Hires

NUN ON THE RUN!

Dr. Johnson was walking down the hall toward his office when he passed Sister Francine walking hurridly the other direction while saying her rosary very loudly.

His associate, Dr. Wheil, comes around the corner next chuckling to himself....

"Hey, what's with Sister Francine? She was just tearing down the hall and saying her rosary like there was no tomorrow!"

"Aw, I just told her she was pregnant."

"You're kidding! Is she really?"

The contemplative routine of the convent was being disrupted by the presence of workmen converting theelectrical service from overhead lines to buried cable.

Mother Superior called the electric company's complaint department to ask for help, "The profanity these men use constantly is unsuitable for ourcommunity. You must make them stop cursing so much."

"Very well, sister. But you must make allowances for their habits. Even when they are trying to be tactful,they will still tend to call a spade a spade," said the company spokeswoman.

Three Hells Angels are sitting at a table in a transport cafe
when in walks a nun, takes a seat next to them and begins to eat.

Astonished, one of them says, "I went to my parents wedding last week and we all got shit-faced."

The nun continues to eat even though she obviously heard the exchange.

Being quick on the uptake the second one says, "My dad says he will marry my mother next year."

Despite this the nun stays right where she is. Eager to get a response from the nun, the third one says, "My old man will never
EVER marry my mother!"

The wise old Mother Superior from county Tipperary was dying.

The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make here comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she refused it.

Then one nun took the glass back to the kitchen.  Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk. 

Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips. Mother drank a little, then a little more. Before she knew it, she had drank the whole glass down to the last drop. 

Nuns & Wieners!

Two foreign nuns have just arrived in the USA by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs."

"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."

Nodding emphatically, the Mother Superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk towards the cart.

"Two dogs, please," says one.

The vendor is only too pleased to oblige and he wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the nuns hurry over to a bench and begin to unwrap their 'dogs'.

HANDWRITTEN ON THE WALL OF MOTHER THERESA’S ROOM

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centred; forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; be successful anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; build it anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; give the world the best you’ve got anyway.

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