What do you call an eternity?
Four blondes, in four cars, at a four way stop.

Why do blondes have TGIF written on there shoes?
Toes Go In First.

Three blondes were driving to disneyland.  After being in the car for four hours they finally saw a sign that said "Disneyland left"
So they turned around and went home.

What do SMART blondes and UFO's have in common?
You always hear about them, but never see them.

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of cheerios?
Oh, look daddy, doughnut seeds.

Why did the blonde stare at a can of frozen orange juice?
Because it said concentrate.

Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.

How can you tell when a blonde has sent you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.

Why can't blondes dial 911?
They can't find 11 on the phone.

What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run, she's got a grenade in her mouth!

How can you tell if a blonde has been using your computer?

There is white-out all over the monitor.

Why shouldn't blondes have coffee breaks?I
t takes to long to retrain them.

A blonde and a brunette were walking outside when the brunette said, "Oh look at the dead bird."  
The blonde looked skyward and said, "Where, where."

How do you drown a blonde?
Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.

Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.

How do you get a twinkle in a blonde's eye?
Shine a flashlight in her ear.

Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
It took her a month to realize she could play it at night.

What happened to the blonde hockey team?
They drowned in spring training?

What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of theYMCA?"
Look, they spelled Macy's wrong."

A young couple, married just a couple of weeks, returns from their honeymoon to face the beginning of their new lives. The next morning the husband wakes up, showers, dresses and makes his way to the kitchen where he sees his new blonde wife crying.

So the husband inquires, "What's wrong, Honey?"

"Well, I came down here this morning to surprise you with a big breakfast, but I can't cook or clean."

The husband smiles his biggest smile and says, "There, there sweetie! I don't care that you can't cook and clean. Come on up to the bedroom and I'll show you what I'd like for breakfast."

So off they went to the bedroom.

That afternoon, the husband comes home for lunch to find his new wife crying again in the kitchen. "What's wrong now, Sweetie?"

"Well, the same thing as this morning. I came in here to make you something for lunch and I just can't cook."

Again the husband smiles and says, "Why don't you come back up to the bedroom and I'll have my lunch there!"

So off they went to the bedroom again.

That evening the new husband comes home, walks in the house and sees his new bride naked sliding down the banister of thestairs. Up she runs, and WHOOSH down the banister.

After the third trip the husband asks, "What are you doing, Honey?"

There's a blonde in a bar, huge tits, an ass to die for...all round fuckin' babe.

A group of guys across the bar see this fine lookin' lady and decide they are going to see if the "head hauncho" of the group can pick this chick up!

So all the guys put $20 in the pot and send off this sorry bastard toward the blonde.

He standing there, she smiles...he whispers a few sweet nothings in her ear, she laughs...he takes her by the hand, and she leaves with him.

The guys can't believe it!

So the guy and gal end up goin' back to his place. The guy has the largest fuckin' "chubb" on in the world...and before a fat bitch could finish eating a ding dong...they're fucking like pigs!

After about 2 minutes of barn yard banging, the guy jizzes all over the bitch an decides he's had enough and tells the blonde to roll over.

After about 3 minutes of layin' around the blonde turns towards the guy and asks, "Do you have AIDS?"

He says, "Fuck no!"

Two blondes are walking in the woods when one looks down and says," Look dog poop" The other bends down and smells it," "Smells like dog poop"

Suddenly, the officer notices that one is still breathing so he approaches her and asks, "Why did you three beautiful girls leap out of that building?"

Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers once a month?
Because the label says, Good for up to 20 pounds.

Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
To protect their skulls as their heads rock left and right.

How do you kill a blonde?
Put spikes in her shoulder pads.

Why do blondes have more fun?
Because they don't know any better.

What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
You only have to put information into a computer once.

How does a blonde do a High-Five?
She smacks herself in the forehead.

Why do blondes wear their hair up?
To try and catch everything that's over their heads.

What do you call a bunch of blondes in a circle?
A dope ring.

Why don't blondes eat pickles?
Their heads always get stuck in the jar.

Why don't blondes like to make Kool-Aid?
Because they can't fit 8 cups of water into those little
packages.

What did the blonde call her zebra?
Spot.

Why do blondes hate the G.E.D.?
Because they can't spell it.

How do you get a blonde to climb up on the roof?
Tell her that the drinks are on the house.

What's a blonde's favorite T-shirt slogan?
I'm a natural blonde, please speak slowly.

What's the definition of gross ignorance?
144 blondes.

Why did the blonde freeze in the winter?
Because she went to the drive-in to see Closed for the Season.

Why can't blondes be pharmacists?
Because they can't get the bottles into the typewriter.

What do you call an intelligent blonde?
A golden retriever.

Why do blondes wear a ponytail?
To hide the valve stem.

How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
She has a checkbook.

What is the only job a blonde can do in an M&M factory?
Proofreading.

Why would a blonde wear green lipstick?
Because red means Stop.

What do blondes and cow pies have in common?
The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.

What is the mating call of a blonde?
I'm soooo drunk!

What is the mating call of an ugly blonde?
I said, Oh, I'm drunk!

What is the mating call of a brunette?
Is that @$#&! blonde gone yet?

Why do blondes always fail driver's tests?
Every time the car stops, they hop in the back seat.

What did the blonde's mom say before her daughter went out on a
date?
If you're not in bed by 10 PM, come home!

What does a blonde use for birth control?
Brown hair-dye.

What are the first two things that a blonde does in the morning?
1. She introduces herself. 2. She goes home.

How do you confuse a blonde?
Put her in a round room and tell her to pee in the corner.

How does a blonde confuse you?
She tells you she did.

One day, a blonde was driving to California. On the way, she saw
a sign that said, Clean Restrooms Ahead. By the time she finally
reached the coast, she had scrubbed and polished 68 of them.

Blondes are too biased. It's always, "Buy us this, buy us that!"

I once knew a suicidal blonde, she dyed by her own hands.

What's the difference between a blonde and the Atlantic Coast?
The Atlantic Coast would never have that many crabs.

What's the difference between a blonde and a taxi cab?
You have to pay to ride in a taxi cab.

What is the difference between a blonde and the local football
team?
The blonde has the higher sperm count.

Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
Because they can't even keep two calves together!

What is the difference between a circus and a group of blondes?
At the circus you'll find a cunning array of stunts.

What did the blonde do when her doctor told her she had sugar in
her urine?
She peed on her corn flakes.

What did the blind blonde say to her new boyfriend as she was
making love to him?
"That's funny, you don't feel Jewish."

What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming
vase?
"It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."

How does a blonde commit suicide?
She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.

How do you plant dope?
Bury a blonde.

How does a blonde measure his/her IQ?
With a tire gauge!

How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?
A1: She drops her nail-file!
A2: Who cares?
A3: She says, "Next".
A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder.
A5: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes.
A6: I mean, who really cares?
A7: The batteries have run out.

How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard

How can you tell if a blonde has had a good night?
Her undies will stick to the wall.

One day, A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were stranded on a desert.

As they were walking, hoping to find civilization, they came across a lamp that was shiny.

The blonde was attracted to it, so she rubbed on it.

As they continued walking (The brunette and the redhead aren't dumb), out popped a genie! "Hooray!" shouted the Bruntte and Redhead,"Finally, you did something good!"

The genie would grant three wishes who ever comes upon them, and there were three girls, so they each got one wish.

The brunette said,"I miss my family, I want to go home." Poof! She disappeared!

The redhead said,"I miss my family, too, can I go home?" Poof! She disappeared!

Once apon a time a blonde came to work crying her eyes out. Soon her boss heard her and asked her why. She replied "My dad just Died!". "Oh" the boss said "you should go home and rest.". "I need to do something to keep my mind off it."............

1. A blonde, a red head, and a brunette escape from jail. The only place to hide was a barn in the distance. So they went into the barn and looked around. The only thing
inside of the barn was 3 sacks. And each of the women crawled into the sacs. The only real place they saw was the barn in the distance, so they went and checked it out. The only thing that they saw was 3 sacs. The police chief went over and kicked the first sack and heard ""WOOF WOOF". And thought nothing, but a dog here. Went over to the next sac and kicked that and heard "MEOW MEOW". Just a cat here. Then went over to the blonde's sac and kicked it and heard "IDAHO IDAHO".

2. What happen to the national blonde Ice Hockey team?
THEY DROWNED IN SPRING TRAINING.

3. What did the blonde say when she opened a box of cheerios?
OoO DONUT SEEDS

4. What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
Gifted!

5. Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
She missed the Earth!

6. What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
An interpreter.

7. What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A mental block.

8. How do you change a blonde's mind?
Blow in her ear.
A2: Buy her another beer.

9. Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
So she could keep the refrigerator cold.

10. How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple Leafs?
She fell out of the tree.

11. What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it?
A thought.

12.How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
One.

13. What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
Chances are they'll both end up in the gutter.

14. What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
Bigfoot has been spotted.

15. What's the difference between a blonde and a telephone?
It costs 30 cents to use a telephone.

16. There's Santa Claus, The Easter Bunny, A dumb blonde, and a smart blonde in a room. In the center of the room is a hundred dollar bill.
WhO WiLl GeT To It FiRsT?
THE DUMB BLONDE BECAUSE THE OTHER DON'T EXIST

17. Whats the most request organ to be transplanted?
Blonde's brain because its never been used

18. A blonde and a brunette are skydiving. The brunette jumps out the Plane and pulls the cord - nothing happens. She pulls the emergency Cord and still nothing.
The blonde jumps out of the plane and yells "Oh! So you wanna race, huh?"

19. What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
The back of her head.

A knock out blonde is on a 22nd floor balcony of an apartment building. She leans over the railing to get a better view of what lies below when she falls over.

On the 20th floor, a Torontonian happens to be on his balcony too. His arms are outstretched admiring the great view from his new apartment when the blonde lands in his arms. Of course, she's extactic, and says: "Thank you, thank you, how can I ever repay you for saving my life?" To which he responds: "Suck my dick!" The Blonde says "No!", and with that the Torontonian drops her.

On the 16th floor, a New Yorker is out on his balcony. The blonde, again by some strange stroke of luck, gets caught by the New Yorker. She is so happy to be alive, that she says: "Thank you, thank you, how can I ever repay you for saving
my life? I'd even suck your dick." To which the New Yorker says: "Be my sex slave for the next hour." The blonde without thinking, says: "No!", and with that the New Yorker drops her.

Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed brown. A few days later, as she was driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to let a flock of sheep pass. Admiring the cute woolly creatures, she said to the shepherd, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?"

The shepherd, always the gentleman replied, "Of course."

The blonde thought for a moment and for no discernible reason said, "352."

This being the correct number, the shepherd was, understandably, totally amazed and exclaimed, "You're right! O.K., I'll keep to my end of the deal. Take your pick of my flock."

The blonde carefully considered the entire flock and finally picked one that was by far cuter and more playful than any of the others.

Three pregnant women--a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde--were sitting in the OBGYN waiting room, discussion conception.

"My husband and I conceived in the missionary position," said the brunette, "so our baby will be a boy."

"My boyfriend and I conceived in the female-superior position," said the redhead," so we're having a girl."

After spying a beautiful blond walking by a man says to God, "God, why did you make blondes so beautiful?"

God responded, "So you would love her."

"But God", The man replied, "Why did you make her so dumb?"

A brunette is dancing happily down the railroad tracks, singing to herself "...21 ...21 ...21 ..."

After a little while, a blonde walks up to her. She observes for a minute and then asks, "What are you doing?"

The brunette does not answer and keeps singing "...21 ...21 ...21 ..."

So the blond jumps on the tracks and follows herdancing and starts singing "...21 ...21 ...21 ..." A little later a train comes down the tracks. The brunette jumps off, but the blonde keeps dancing and singing to her self and gets hit by the train.