A blonde walks by a travel agency and notices a sign in the window,
"Cruise Special -- $99!"

So she goes inside, lays her money on the counter and says, "I'd like the $99 cruise special, please."

The agent grabs her, drags her into the back room,ties her to a large inner tube, then drags her out the back door and downhill to the river,where he pushes her in and sends her floating.

A second blonde comes by a few minutes later, sees the sign, goes inside, lays her money on the counter, and asks for the $99 special. She too is tied to an innertube and sent floating down the river.

Somehow drifting into stronger current, she eventually catches up with the first blonde. They float side by side for a while before the first blonde asks, "Do they serve refreshments on this cruise?"

Rated G

She was so blonde that….

She thought a quarterback was a refund.

She tripped over the cordless phone.

She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to makeup her mind.

She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.

When she heard that 90% of all crimes happened around the home, she moved.

Did you hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
It took her months to figure out she could use it at night.

What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
"Look! They spelled MACY'S wrong!"

Why can't blondes take coffee breaks?
They're too hard to retrain.

What do you call nine blondes standing in a circle?
A dope ring.

Why can't blondes be pharmacists?
Because they can't fit the bottle in the typewriter.

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What's the definition of eternity?
Four blondes at a 4-way stop.

What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the ocean?
...An air pocket.

What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A whine cellar.

Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
"This Goes In Front."

Lorraine

QUESTION: What is blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette....?

ANSWER: A blonde doing cartwheels!

One day, a blonde and a brunette were out for a ride in the blonde's new car.

Suddenly, some jerk pulled in front of them.

The blonde then put her lips on the steering wheel.

The brunette feared for her life, but had the courage to ask, "What are you doing?!"

The blonde calmly replied, "I'm trying to blow the horn."

Why doesn't a blonde talk during sex?

A blonde who had been unemployed for several months got a job with
Public Works. She was to paint lines down the center of a rural
road. The supervisor told her that she was on probation and that
she must stay at or above the set average of 2 miles per day to
remain employed.

The blonde agreed to the conditions and started right away. The
supervisor, checking up at the end of the day, found that the blonde had completed 4 miles on her first day, double the average! "Great," he told her, "I think you're really going to work out."

The next day, however, he was disappointed to find that the blonde
only accomplished 2 miles. The supervisor thought, "Well, she's still at the average, and I don't want to discourage her. I'll just keep quiet."

On the third day, the blonde only did one mile and the boss thought,
"I need to talk to her before this gets any worse." The boss pulled the new employee in and said, "You were doing so great. The first day you did 4 miles, the second day 2 miles, but yesterday you only did one mile. Why? Is there a problem? An injury, equipment failure? What's keeping you from meeting the 2-mile minimum?"

BLONDE PILOT

A blonde pilot decided she wanted to learn how to fly a helicopter. She went to the airport, but the only one available was a solo-helicopter. The instructor figured he could let her go up alone since she was already a pilot for small planes and he could instruct her via radio.

So up the blonde went. She reached 1,000 feet and everything was going smoothly. She reached 2,000 feet. The blonde and the instructor kept talking via radio. Everything was running smoothly. At 3,000 feet the helicopter suddenly came down quickly! It skimmed the top of some trees and crash landed in the woods.

The instructor jumped into his jeep and rushed out to see if the blonde was okay. As he reached the edge of the woods, the blonde was walking out. "What happened?" the instructor asked. "All was going so well until you reached 3,000 feet. What happened then?"

"Well," began the blonde, "I got cold. So I turned off the big fan."

=======================================

OLDIE BUT GOODY

A blonde goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer starts with the basics. "So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?"

The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for half a minute before replying. "Um ... 22."

The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice.
"And can you tell us your height, please?"

The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces,
"Five foot two!"

This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics; something the she won't have to count, measure, or lookup. "Just to confirm for our records, your name please?"

The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about fifteen seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying, "Cindy!"

The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks,
"What were you doing when I asked you your name?"

Q: Why can't blondes make ice cubes?

A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cell phone.

She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone.

The next day the blonde goes shopping. Her phone rings and it's her husband.

"Hi hun," he says, "how do you like your new phone?"

She replies, "I just love, it's so small and your voice is clear as a bell but there's one thing I don't understand though."

"What's that, baby?" asks the husband.

A few women were sitting around the table talking, and the subject turned to their husbands. One lady said, "My husband just won't go to church with me, I think he's going to go to Hell."

This led to talk around the table and it was generally agreed that, for one reason or another, all the husbands were going to end up in Hell.

So, then the housewives started speculating about themselves.One woman said, "I try to be good - I'm sure I'll make it to Heaven."

Another one said "No, I did this bad thing, I won't make it unless
I mend my ways, I better start soon."

At this point they noticed that one of the ladies (the only single
women in the group, and a blonde, mind you) wasn't saying anything. They turned to her and said, "You're such a nice lady, surely you'll be going to Heaven?"

She says, "No way! In fact, first thing in the morning, I'm going to buy me a ticket straight to Hell!"

They were shocked and asked, "Why??"

This beautiful young blonde walks into the health clinic and begins to talk to the nurse. "Excuse me, ma'am, is this where I can get a vassilation?"

"I think you mean you need a vaccination," said the nurse.

"Yeah, whatever. Just don't give it to me on my arm because I wear a sleepless nightgown."

"You mean a sleeveless nightgown?"

"Yeah, whatever. And don't give it to me on my thigh because I have a zucchini bathing suit."

"You mean a bikini?"

"Yeah, ok. And don't give it to me on my virginia."

"You mean your vagina?"

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