A guy took a blonde out on a date. Eventually they ended up parked at a "lovers point" where they started making out.

After things started getting pretty good, he thought he might get lucky, so he asked her, "Do you want to get into the back seat?"

"NO!" she answered. Okay, he thought, maybe she's not ready yet. Now he has her shirt and skirt off, the windows are steamed, and things are getting really hot, so he asks again, "Do you want to get into the back seat?"

"NO!" she answers again. Now he has her bra off, they're both very sweaty, and she even has his pants unzipped. Okay, he thinks, she HAS to want it now. "Do you want to get into the back seat NOW?" he asks again. "NO!" she answers yet again.

Two blondes went shopping one day.

They got done shopping and went out to their brand new, cherry red convertible.

They got to the car and noticed that they had locked their keys in the car.

So they tried to think of a way to get the keys out.

One day a blond went to find a job at a orchard. He got the job and in came his first customer.
The customer asked, "How much are these apples?" and the blond yelled, "I don't know!"

The customer left and the boss came in and said, "When somebody asks you that question, you say only 50 cents!"

So another customer came in and said, "How much are those apples?" And the blonde said only 50 cents.

Then the customer asked, "Are they fresh?" and the blonde screemed, "I don't
know!"

So the customer left and the boss said, "When somebody asks you that question you say fresh, fresh, very fresh."

Another customer came in and said, "How much are those apples?"

The blonde replied, "Only 50 cents!"

Then the customer asked, "Are they fresh?"

The blond said, "Fresh, fresh, very fresh."

Then the customer asked "Can I buy them?"

And the blonde screemed, "I don't know! I'm a new guy, get it?"

So the customer left and the boss comes in and said, "When somebody asked you
that question, you said, "If you don't somebody else will."

One day a robber came in and he asked, "How much money do you have in that cash register?"

The blond replied, "Only 50 cents!"

Then the robber asked, "Are you being fresh with me?"

The blond replied, "Fresh, fresh, very fresh!"

Then the robber asked, "Can I shoot you?"

What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?

Take the pin out of it and throw it back!!!

What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"

The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge nine foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.

One day a very fat blonde met a very skinny brunette downtown. The blonde gave the brunette a long look full of contempt and said, "Looking at you, I'd think this country is suffering from starvation."

A blond, a redhead and a brunette, all work at the same office for a female boss, who all ways goes home early."Hey girl's" said the bruette " let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know".so the next day they all leave after the boss does.

Top 5 Blond Inventions:

5. Water proof tea bag

4. Water proof towel

3. A new item at an antique store

2. Discount price to a free show

There are 3 girls in the third grade, a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde.

Who has the best figure?

The blonde reported for her University final examination which consisted
of "true/false" questions.

She took her seat in the examination hall, stared at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration took out her purse, removed a coin, and started tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet.
- True for Heads and False for Tails.

Within half an hour she had completed the exam while the rest of the class
was feverishly continuing to work.

A blonde was very upset at all the dumb blonde jokes she was constantly hearing.

She decided that she would learn all the state capitals in an effort to defend blondes everywhere. She went home and spent the entire evening learning them all.

The next day, someone at her office told a dumb blonde joke and she immediately retorted, "Hey ... I bet I know something that ALL of you don't know.

I know ALL of the state capitals which proves that not all blondes are dumb."

The people in her office were somewhat dubious.

One of her co-workers finally asked, "Ok ... what's the capital of Texas?"

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can
paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?
When you slap a mosquito, it will stop sucking.

What's the difference between a blonde and the Atlantic Coast?
The Atlantic Coast would never have that many crabs.

What's the difference between a blonde and a taxi cab?
You have to pay to ride in a taxi cab.

How do you give a blonde more headroom?
Adjust the steering wheel.

Why did the blonde have lip stick on her steering wheel?
She was trying to blow the horn.

Why does a blonde wear panties?
To keep her ankles warm.

What is the difference between a blonde and the local football
team?
The blonde has the higher sperm count.

How does a blonde turn on the lights after having sex?
Opens the car door.

What do blondes and cow pies have in common?
The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.

Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
Because they can't even keep two calves together!

What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?
Nothing. They've never met.

Why is a blonde like a turtle?
They are both fucked when they're on their back.

What did the blonde's mom say to her before she went out?
If you're not in bed by midnight, come home.

What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
Humpme Dumpme.

What is the difference between a circus and a group of blondes?
At the circus you'll find a cunning array of stunts.

What did the blonde do when her doctor told her she had sugar in
her urine?
She peed on her corn flakes.

What did the blind blonde say to her new boyfriend as she was
making love to him?
"Funny, you don't feel Jewish."

What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already
written on the overhead transparency?
She turned it over and used the other side.

What did the really dumb blond say when someone blew in her bra?
Thanks for the refill.

What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming
vase?
"It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."

How does a blonde commit suicide?
She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.

How do you plant dope?
Bury a blonde.

Why did god give blondes 2% more brains than horses?
Because he didn't want them shitting in the streets during
parades.

How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
Wave to her.

How does a blonde measure his/her IQ?
With a tire gauge! (da da dum)

How does the blond turn on the light after she has had sex?
She opens the car door.

How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?
She says, "Next".

3 blondes were walking in the forest one day. They saw a set of
tracks and started arguing about what kind of tracks they were.

The first blonde said, "I think they're deer tracks".

The secondblonde said, "I think they're dog tracks".

The third blonde said, "Well, I think they're cow tracks".

A blonde's car breaks down on the Interstate one day.
So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She
carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk.

Out of the trunk jump two men in trench coats who walk to the
rear of the vehicle where they stand facing oncoming traffic and
begin opening their coats and exposing their nude bodies to
approaching drivers...

Not surprisingly, one of the worst pileups in the history of
this highway occurs. It's not very long before a police car
shows up. The cop, clearly enraged, runs toward the blonde of
the disabled vehicle yelling, "What the heck is going on here?"

My car broke down," says the blonde, calmly.

"Well, what are these perverts doing here by the road?!" asks
the cop.