1.Why did the blonde pee on the floor?
Because the sign said "wet floor."

2.What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
Pregnant.

3.Why don't blondes make good cattle herders?
They can't even keep their calves together.

4.Did you hear about the dumb blonde that died drinking milk?
Cow fell on her.

5.What's the difference between a dumb blonde and a mosquito?
A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it.

6.How do you get a blonde pregnant?
Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.

7.How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.

8.How does a blonde hold her liquor?
By the ears.

9.How does a blonde moonwalk?
She pulls down her panties and slides her butt along the floor.

Why are there no dumb brunettes?
Peroxide.

What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
Her IQ goes up!

Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
So she wouldn't get Hearing Aids.

A government study has shown that blondes do have more fun.
They just don't remember who with.

What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?
A visitor.

Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

How does a blonde commit suicide?
She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.

Why are blondes going out and getting boob jobs ?
Because they heard there was a flat tax and they didn't want to pay!

What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist?
Marriage.

What is foreplay for a blonde?
Thirty minutes of begging.

Why do blonde's find it difficult to marry?
Because you don't have to marry them for sex.

To a blonde, what is long and hard?
Grade 4.

What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A 144 blondes.

Why do blondes like lightning?
They think someone is taking their picture.

Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
In case she locks the keys in her car.

Why did they call the blonde twinkie?
She liked to be filled with cream.

Why are blondes like cornflakes?
Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.

Why did the blonde snort NutraSweet?
She though it was Diet Coke.

Why is a blonde like McDonald's?
They can both use the slogan, "Billions Served."

What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde?
A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.

What's the difference between a blonde and a guy?
The blonde has the higher sperm count.

How is a blonde like peanut-butter?
They spread for the bread.

What nickname is most used by blondes in order to boost their popularity?
B.J.

Why do blondes get confused in the ladies room?
They have to pull their own pants down.

What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs?
Some traffic signs say stop.

What is the difference between a blonde and a lightbulb?
The lightbulb is smarter, but the blonde is easier to turn on.

A blonde studying to be a counselor always went into her counseling sessions with an ear muff over one ear.

After a while the supervisor became very curious and asked her about it.

She replied, "It's for confidentiality."

"Confidentiality?" asked the bewildered supervisor.

Cousin Elly (a Blond) is the world's worst at getting instructions mixed up.

When she got married her husband bought her one of those fancy, electric coffee makers. It had all the latest gadgets on it.

Salesman Riley carefully explained how everything worked; how to plug it in, set the timer, go back to bed, and upon rising, the coffee is ready."

A few weeks later Elly was back in the store and Riley asked her how she liked the coffee maker.

Neither one of them has ever been duck hunting before and after several hours they still haven't bagged any.

A flying saucer landed at a gas station on a lonely country road.

The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned about detection; in fact, the letters "UFO" were emblazoned in big, bold letters on one side of their shiny craft.

As the station owner stood and gawked in silence, paralyzed with shock, his young blond attendant nonchalantly filled up the tank and waved to the two aliens as they took off.

"Do you realize what just happened?" the station owner finally uttered.

"Yeah," said the blond attendant. "So?"

"Didn't you see the space aliens in that vehicle?!"

"Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant. "So?"

"Didn't you see the letters 'UFO' on the side of that vehicle?!"

"Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant. "So?"

"Don't you know what 'UFO' means?!"

The blonde attendant rolled his eyes. "Good grief, boss!
I've been working here for six years."

Of course I know what 'UFO' means

'Unleaded Fuel Only.'"

A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a blonde gathering, and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor,"she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?"

"Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track."

"What sort of question?"

"Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'

The blonde thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you?

10. Why don't blondes make good farmers?
They can't keep their calves together

9. What did the blond say when she woke up in a pasture under a cow?
What are you guys still doing here?

8 . Blondes are like.....Lava lamps
Fun to look at, but not all that bright.

7. Did you hear about the new "Blonde" paint?
It's not very expensive, and it spreads easy!

6. What do you call three blondes in a swimming pool?
Air Bubbles.

5. Hear about the blonde who bought snow tires?
She stored them in the freezer.

4. Why are there not many blonde bisexuals?
Twice a year isn’t enough

3. How does a blonde get rid of unwanted pubic hair?
Just spits it out.

2. Why do blondes take “the pill”?
So they’ll know what day of the week it is.

A blonde goes into the small-town hardware store and tells the owner she needs a drawer pull handle to replace a broken one.

He finds one that matches her description and asks her, "You wanna screw for that?"

A blonde walks into the human resources department of a large company and hands the executive her application.

The executive begins to scan the sheet, and notices that the applicant has been fired from every job she has ever held.
"I must say," says the executive, "your work history is terrible. You've been fired from every job."

"Yes," says the blonde.

"Well," continues the executive, "there's nothing good in that."

A Blonde Excuse

"How come you're late?" asks the bartender as the blonde waitress walks in the door.

"It was awful," she explains. "I was walking down Elm street and there was this terrible accident.

A man was lying in the middle of the street; he was thrown from his car. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere.

Thank God I took that first-aid course; all my training came back to me in a minute."
"What did you do?" asks the bartender.

"I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting!" Rated G

A Blonde Excuse

"How come you're late?" asks the bartender as the blonde waitress walks in the door.

"It was awful," she explains. "I was walking down Elm street and there was this terrible accident.

A man was lying in the middle of the street; he was thrown from his car. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere.

Thank God I took that first-aid course; all my training came back to me in a minute."
"What did you do?" asks the bartender.

"I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting!"

10. What does a blonde use for birth control?
Brown hair-dye .

9. Do you know what the hardest thing about playing golf with a blonde is?
Having to say, "Great shot, Honey!" 142 times.

8. Why don't blonds go over 68?
Because at 69 they blow a rod.

7. Why are blondes thankful that sperm are shaped like a tadpoles?
Because a frog would be harder to swallow.

6. Example of a blonde advertisers work:
“Illiterate? Write today for free help”.

5. Why did the blonde pee inside the cafeteria?
She saw a sign that read "Wet Floor.

4. A blonde who shot an arrow in the air...
She missed.

3. Why did the blonde plant cherrios in her garden?
She thought they were donut seeds.

2. What's one advantage to being married to a blonde?
You can park in the handicapped zone.

Several years ago we had a blonde intern who was none too swift.

One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, “I’m almost out of typing paper. What do I do?”

“Just use copier machine paper,” he told her.