I knew a blonde that was stupid, that...........

-she called me to get my phone number.

-she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."

-she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

-she got stabbed in a shoot-out.

-she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."

-she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

-she sat on the TV and watched the couch.

-she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

-she tried to drown a fish.

-she thought a quarterback was a refund.

-she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

-if you gave her a penny for her thoughts, you'd get change back.

-they had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.

-under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked,On Phonics."

- she tripped over a cordless phone.

-she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

-at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here"...she put Sagittarius."

-she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

-it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.

-if she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless.

-she studied for a blood test.

-she thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.

-she thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.

-she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.

-she sold the car for gas money.

-when she saw the "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got 16 friends.

-when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

-she thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill.

There once was a blond who was very tired of being the topic of jokes that she decided to dye her hair brown. She then proceeded to take a drive in the country when she had to stop for a herd of sheep crossing the road. While she was waiting she got out of her car and approached the shepherd and said, "Mister, if I can tell you how many sheep you have, can I keep one?"

The shepherd agrees and she guesses 352. "Wow, that is amazing. Well, I guess I have to keep my end of the deal. Go ahead choose which sheep you would like to keep." She looks around and finally picked one out of the herd because it was very cute and more playful than all the rest.

"Now that you have chosen," said the shepherd,"I would like to make a deal with YOU. If you let me guess your original hair color, can I get my dog back?"

A blonde went to a flight school, insisting she wanted to learn to fly that day. As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her on how to pilot the helicopter solo by radio.

He took her out, showed her how to start it, gave her the basics and sent her on her way.

After she climbed 1000 ft., she radioed in. "I'm doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this."

After 2000 ft., she radioed again, saying how easy it was learning to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 ft., and was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in.

A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage.

An overweight blonde went to see her doctor for some advice.

The doctor advised that she run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose as many as twenty pounds.

The blonde followed the doctor's advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the whole twenty pounds. She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results. At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question:

Two blondes were walking home one day, and suddenly it began to rain.

Luckily, a man driving a pickup truck stopped and offered them a ride. He told them that there wasn't room in the cab, because he had two of his friends with him, but that they could sit in the back with his dog and, although they would still get wet, they would get home a lot quicker.

The blondes agreed and climbed in.

The man started driving, but suddenly a little kid ran in front of the truck, and the driver swerved, and the truck plunged into a lake.

The driver and his two friends struggled to open the doors of the truck to get out before they drowned, and when they reached the lake shore, they looked around for the two blondes, but they were nowhere to be found.

The driver saw his dog had gotten out just fine, and wondered if the blondes had gotten stuck under the water.

Just as the man was about to jumpin the water to rescue them, the blondes both surfaced and swam to the shore.

Looking confused, the driver asked them what had taken them so long.

A blonde goes into a library and says, "Hello. I'm here to see the doctor."

The librarian replies, "This is a library."

A guy took a blonde girl out on her first date.

When they pulled off into a secluded area around midnight, the girl said, "My mother told me to say no to everything."

"Well," he said, "do you mind if I put my arm around you?"

"No," the girl replied.

"Do you mind if I put my other hand on your leg?"

"N-n-no," the girl stammered.

A blonde left her car out in a hail storm.

When the storm was over she checked the car and found out it was covered with small dents.

She went to the local garage and inquired how to fix the problem.

The mechanic told her to blow on the tailpipe and the dents would be removed.

She took the car home parked it and proceeded to blow on the pipe.

Another blonde came by and inquired what she was doing, she told her she was blowing on the tailpipe to remove the dents.

10. Why are the Japanese so smart?
No blondes.

9. Why does it take longer to build a Blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.

8. Did you hear about the blonde who thought a sanitary belt was a drink from a clean shot glass?

7. Why won't they hire Blondes as pharmacists?
They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriter.

6. Why did the dumb blonde take a pee in the middle of the cafeteria?
She saw a sign that read "Wet Floor."

5. What's the advantage to being married to a blonde...
You can park in the handicapped zone.

4. What do you call 25 blondes on top of each other?
An air mattress

3. How can you tell if a blonde has been in the fourth grade too long?
- All the other kids start bringing her apples cause they think she’s the teacher.

2. What do you call it when Susanne Sommers tries to teach Madonna how to cook
The blonde leading the blonde.

John gets a call from his blonde girlfriend, Buffy.

“I’ve got a problem,” says Buffy.

“What’s the matter?” asks John.

“Well, I’ve bought this jigsaw puzzle, but it’s too hard. None of the pieces fit together and I can’t find any edges.”

“What’s the picture of?” asks John.

"A big rooster" says, Buffy.

“All right,” says John, “I’ll come over and have a look.” So he goes over to Buffy’s house.

Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?

A blonde was taking the tour of a national park not long ago.

The ranger mentioned to the tour group that dinosaur fossils had been found in the area.

A police officer pulls a blonde over for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

The blonde is absolutely outraged... "I wish you guys could get your act together.” said the blonde in a huff, “

What did the father say to his dumb blonde daughter?
"Hard to believe you outswan all those other sperm".

What's a dumb blonde's idea of romance?
A lift home afterwards.

Why do dumb blondes go out in pair?
So they have someone to keep score.

What do you give a dumb blonde before you start going out with her?
A complete medical.

Did you hear about the dumb blonde who was a lousy cook?
She used her smoke alarm for a timer.

A man went into a jeweller's shop and flopped his dick onto the counter.

Unperturbed the blonde saleswoman looked at him straight in the eye and said

"This is a clock shop, not a cock shop."