A blonde studying to be a counselor always went into her counseling sessions with an ear muff over one ear.

After a while the supervisor became very curious and asked her about it. She replied, "It's for confidentiality." 

"Confidentiality?" asked the bewildered supervisor. 

Why do blondes have TGIF written on their shirt?
It stands for, "Tits Go In Front."

What do you call a blonde with half a brain? Gifted!

10 Blonde Science Fair Projects:

10) Are poisonous snakes really venomous?

9) Is lighter fluid flammable?

8) What hurts more: falling off a building, or a cliff?

7) Are knives sharp?

6) Can sharks hurt a human?

5) What happens if I stick my hand in a piranha aquarium?

4) Can I break my arm hitting it against a wall?

3) Can I eat broken glass and live?

2) Can dogs talk?

What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?
Not everyone's been in a 747!

Why can't a blonde dial 911?
She can't find the eleven.


A blonde and a brunette are walking down the street when the brunette says, “Look, a dead bird!”
So the blonde looks up!


Why do blondes wear big hoop earrings when they go on a date?
So they have some place to put their feet.

A blonde walks into a restaurant to get some lunch, and while she's deciding on what she wants a waitress comes up. The blonde looks up and notices the waitress's name tag on her shirt.

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"

The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Why is a blondes coffin "y" shaped?
Because as soon as they hit their back-their legs open.

Hear about the blonde explorer?
He bought a piece of sandpaper thinking it was a map of the Sahara Desert.

How did the blonde moonwalk?
She got naked from the waist down and slid her butt along the floor.

What do you call blonde twins doing bubble gum commercials?
Double-dumb.

What's the difference between a blonde and a tree?
The tree knows when it's being cut down.

What does a postcard from a blonde's vacation say?
Having a wonderful time. Where am I?

Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
It swells at night.

Why is it okay for blondes to catch a cold?
They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.

Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
So her male would get delivered to the right box.

An exhausted looking blond dragged herself in to the doctor's office. "Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can't get a wink of sleep."

"I have good news for you," the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. "Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over."

"Great," the blond answered, "I'll try anything. Let's give it a shot."

A few weeks later the blond returned, looking worse than ever. "Doc, your plan is no good. I'm more tired than before!"

"I don't understand how that could be", said the doctor, shaking his head. "Those are the strongest pills on the market!"

Why did the blonde snort NutraSweet?
She though it was Diet Coke.

Why is a blonde like McDonald's?
They can both use the slogan, "Billions Served."

What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde?
A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.

What's the difference between a blonde and a guy?
The blonde has the higher sperm count.

How is a blonde like peanut-butter?
They spread for the bread.

What nickname is most used by blondes in order to boost their popularity?
B.J.

Why do blondes get confused in the ladies room?
They have to pull their own pants down.

What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs?
Some traffic signs say stop.

What is the difference between a blonde and a lightbulb?
The lightbulb is smarter, but the blonde is easier to turn on.

A farmer is giving his blonde wife last-minute instructions before heading to town to do chores.

"That fellow from the University will be along this afternoon to inseminate one of the cows. I've hung a nail by the right stall so you'll know which one I want him to impregnate."

Satisfied that his blonde wife understood the instructions, the farmer left for town.That afternoon, the 'Inseminator' arrives, and the wife dutifully takes him out to the barn and directly to the stall with the nail.

She was preparing for a month-long trip to London. She applied for a lone of $5,000, with an interest of $2.17 for the month.

The bank teller informed her that he could not give her a loan without some kind of collateral.

She said, "Oh! That's fine, Ican put up my car for that". The bank teller, not quite sure,looks out the bank doors at her car.....IT WAS A GOLD LEXUS!

The bank teller chuckles to himself that she would be so dumb!"

Typical dumb blonde"Despite his laughter, he ok's the loan and puts her car in the bank's safe down below the building.

So the blonde leaves for her trip. Still dumbfounded as to why a beautiful girl with a $100,000 car would need a $5,000 loan, checks the blonde's record's. He finds that the woman is a MULTI_Millionaire!

What he can't figure out is why a woman with all that money would need a$5,000 loan.

So, a month later, the blonde returns to the bank with$5,002.17 and gives it to the same bank teller.

He hesitantly explains to her that she intrigued him so much that he looked at her record and that he knew that she was a multi-millionaire.He then asked her why she needed that $5,000 loan.

The blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some bottom deodorant.

The pharmacist, a little bemused,explains to the woman that they don't sell bottom deodorant,and never have.

Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more.

"I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any.""But I always get it here," says the blonde."

Do you have the container it comes in?"

"Yes!" said the blonde, "I will go and get it."She returns with the container and hands it to the chemist who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."

Three women, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead, die and are at the Pearly Gates. St. Peters tells them that if they want to enter Heaven, they need to walk up stairs that have one hundred steps and that on each step, they'll be told a joke. If they
laugh, they're immediately sent to Hell.

So the brunette goes and on the third step, she cracks up because of the joke.She is immediately sent to hell.

Then the redhead goes and is able to control herself until the thirteenth step, but then cracks up too. Off to hell she goes.

It is the blonde's turn. She goes up every step and listens to the jokes without laughing. St. Peters is amazed and decides to give her a boring joke for the last step to see what will happen. So she hears the joke and cracks up.

Judy (a blonde) goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.Her boss concerned about all his employees well being asked sympathetically, "What's the matter?" The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."

The boss, feeling very sorry at this point explains to the young girl, "Why don't you go home for the day? We aren't terribly busy. You should just take the day off to relax and rest." Judy very calmly states, "No. I'd be better off here. I need to keep
my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."

The boss agrees and allows her to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know." A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on Judy. He looks out his office and sees her crying hysterically.

He rushes out to her asking, "What's so bad now? Are you going to be okay? What's wrong?"

There were three witches who couldn't get across a river.

The only spell they had was to turn men into a canoe. So they get three guys--a brunet, a red head, and a blond guy. They took them to the river and were about to turn them into canoes, when brunet says, "Hey wait a second, don't we get a last request."

The witches saw no harm in this and gave them the go ahead.

So the brunet requested a gun. He told them not to move or he'll shoot so he goes free.

The red head asked for a knife and said he'd stab them if they moved, so he goes free.

The blond asks for and ice pick.

One day a blonde woman was so fed up with all of the dumb blonde jokes that she decided to kill herself. She took a rope outside and found a suitable tree. She threw the rope over a branch and proceeded to hang herself.