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Author Topic: Blonds Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-22-2003 10:15 AM                        Rated G A blonde bought a new Lexus but returned it to the dealership the next day,complaining that the radio didn't work.The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated. "Watch this!" he said... "Nelson!" The radio replied,"Ricky or Willie?" "Willie!" he continued... and "On the Road Again" came from the speakers. She drove away happy and for the next few days,every time she'd say,"Beethoven",she'd get beautiful classical music,and if she said,"Beatles!" she'd get one of theirs... One day,another driver ran a red light and nearly creamed her new car.As she swerved to avoid him she yelled "ASSHOLE!" ... and the French national anthem began to play.  |  IP: Logged Ray Bernardi Expert Film Handler Posts: 120 From: Antrim, NH, USA Registered: Feb 2003 posted 04-23-2003 07:30 AM                     What's the difference between a blonde and a 747? Not everybody's been in a 747...... (booooo hisssssss)  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-19-2003 07:10 AM                        Rated G Michele "Excuse me,could you tell me the time?" asked the blonde of a man on the street corner. "Sure....it's three fifteen,"he replied with a smile. "Thanks,"she said,a puzzled look crossing her face."You know, it's the weirdest thing.I've been asking that question all day long,and each time I get a different answer."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-01-2003 04:16 PM                        Rated G A blonde went to a tanning salon for her first tanning session. The proprietor,worried because her skin was so pale,cautioned her about not exposing herself too long for several sessions,and handed her a bottle of lotion. The blonde came out of the booth about 15 minutes later and said, "Don't worry about my getting burned this time.I left my dress on."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-16-2003 07:23 AM                        Rated G QUESTION: What do you call Eternity? ANSWER: Four blondes in four cars at a four way stop sign.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-26-2003 06:46 AM                        Rated G A blonde went into her local hardware store and bought two instant barbeques - the ones with the pictures of succulent foods on the lid. The next day, she returned one of these to the customer service desk at the store complaining that there was no food inside! The assistant patientlytold her that these were just barbeque trays and that the food was not supplied with them. "Oh dear" said the blonde, "I'd better take the other one out of the freezer then"!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-26-2003 12:22 PM                        Rated R What's the difference between a Blond and a toilet? A toilet won't follow you around after you use it. ============================= Why don't blonds eat pickles? They can't get their head in the Jar. ----------------------------- How does a blond know if she is on the way home or to work? She opens her lunch box to see if there is anything in it. ----------------------------- Why did the blond buy another Radio? She didn't like the songs being played on the present one.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-27-2003 02:33 PM                        Rated G A few years ago, as a solar eclipse approached,some planetarium directors in Southern California sent out warnings to the community about the eclipse.They warned people not to look directly into the sun. The planetarium received an indignant letter from a local blonde resident.She said that if an eclipse was so dangerous,they never should have decided to hold one and ought to cancel it.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-08-2003 06:30 PM                        Rated G Lorraine The Unites States government is planning a recall on all cars and trucks that have a headlight dimmer switch on the turn signal switch. T he purpose for this is to cut the traffic accidents at night by 90%. Apparently the 90% that they plan to cut is from blondes, because they keep getting their foot stuck in the steering wheel.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-09-2003 01:59 PM                        Rated G Blonde Dictionary of Medical Terms Anti-Body Against everyone Artery Study of paintings Bacteria Back door to a cafeteria Barium What to do when treatment fails Bowel Letters like A E I O or U Cesarean Section District in Rome Cardiology Advanced study of poker playing Cat Scan Searching for ones lost kitty Cauterize Made eye contact with her Colic Sheep dog Coma Punctuation mark Congenital Friendly D & C Where Washington is Dilate To live long Enema Not a friend Fester Quicker Genes Blue denim slacks Genital Non-Jewish Hangnail Coat hook Hemorrhoid A male From outer space Herpes What women do in the Ladies Room Hormones What a prostitute does when she doesn't get paid Impotent Distinguished, well known Inpatient Tired of waiting Labor Pain Hurt at work Medical Staff A doctor's cane Minor Operation Coal digging Morbid A higher bid Nitrate Cheaper than the Day Rate Node Was aware of Organic organ repairman Outpatient A person who has fainted Paralyze Two far-fetched stories Paramedics Twin medicos Pharmacist Person who makes a living dealing in agriculture Post-Operative Letter carrier Protein In favor of young people Recovery Room Place to upholster furniture Rectum What happened to the Corvette Rheumatic Amorous Saline Where you go on your boyfriend's boat Secretion Hiding something Tablet A small table Terminal Illness Getting sick at the airport Tibia Country in North Africa Tumor An extra pair Urine opposite of You're Out Varicose Nearby Vein Conceited  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-09-2003 03:15 PM                        Rated G Blonde Revenge A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her. She goes out and buys a gun. She shows up at his place unexpectedly and sure enough, she finds him in bed with a redhead. "Well," the blonde is angry; she takes the gun out of her purse and just then she's overcome with grief at the betrayal. So she points the gun to her head. The boyfriend yells "No, honey, don't do it." The blonde replies "Shut up, you're next."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-09-2003 03:17 PM                        Rated G 88, 88, 88 On a NY street corner a brunette jumps from one side of the sidewalk to the other while chanting 88, 88, 88. A blonde walks up to her, and it looks like fun so she asks if she can join. The brunette says okay, and they both start chanting 88, 88, 88 while jumping side to side. Well, the brunette says to the blonde, "You know its much MUCH more fun if you go out in the street and do it." The blonde says okay, and walks out into the middle of the street and chants 88, 88, 88. She says, "Hey, this is real fun" and is hit by a mack truck. The brunette smiles and starts chanting; "89, 89, 89..."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-14-2003 10:36 AM                        Rated G Michele A blonde girl enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman: "I would like to buy a pink curtain in the size of my computer screen." The surprised salesman replies: "But, madam, computers do not have curtains!!!" ....And the blonde said: "Helloooo....? I've got Windows"!!!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-15-2003 07:54 AM                        Rated G Michele A blonde and her brunette friend were talking when the blonde said, "You know, I hate all the blonde jokes people tell." The brunette said, "Oh, they are only jokes. There are a lot of stupid people out there. Here, I'll prove it to you." They went outside and hailed a taxi. "Please take me to 29 Nickel Street to see if I'm home," said the brunette. The taxi drove them to Nickel Street, and when they finally got out, the brunette looked at the blonde and said, "See! That guy was really stupid." "No kidding," replied the blonde. "There was a pay phone just around the corner. You could have called instead."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-15-2003 04:11 PM                        Rated G sassy Do you know what the Blond mom told her Teen-age blond daughter on her way out the door on a date??? If you're not in bed by 11:00 come home!!  |  IP: Logged

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