my profile | my password | search | faq & rules | forum home

» Film-Tech Forum ARCHIVE   » Community   » Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon   » Blonds (Page 21)

This topic comprises 29 pages: 1  2  3  ...  18  19  20  21  22  23  24  ...  27  28  29

Author Topic: Blonds Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-02-2003 12:38 PM                        Rated G Michele A young blonde lady went on a tour trip on an old steam train that took the passengers through mountains and tunnels. As the train approached a tunnel,the conductor hurriedly walked through the coaches warning passengers,"Tunnel ahead. Look out!" The blonde quickly stuck her head out the window,and her forehead met with the concrete entrance of the tunnel. After being revived 15 minutes later,the blonde's words were,"That stupid son of a bitch! He should have told me to look in!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-05-2003 10:00 AM                        Rated G Michele A flying saucer landed at a gas station on a lonely country road. The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned about detection; in fact, the letters "UFO" were emblazoned in big, bold letters on one side of their shiny craft. As the station owner stood and gawked in silence, paralyzed with shock, his young blond attendant nonchalantly filled up the tank and waved to the two aliens as they took off. "Do you realize what just happened?" the station owner finally uttered. "Yeah," said the blond attendant. "So?" "Didn't you see the space aliens in that vehicle?!" "Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant. "So?" "Didn't you see the letters 'UFO' on the side of that vehicle?!" "Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant. "So?" "Don't you know what 'UFO' means?!" The blonde attendant rolled his eyes. "Good grief, boss! I've beenworking here for six years. Of course I know what 'UFO' means 'Unleaded Fuel Only.'"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-05-2003 10:17 AM                        Rated G B.B. While shopping at our local supermarket. there was a beautiful young blonde ahead of me when I got to the checkout line, As she placed her groceries on the checkout stand, the bagger asked her, "Paper or plastic?" "It doesn't matter," she replied, ... "I'm bisacksual."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-05-2003 01:54 PM                        Rated G Michele Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids? . . . So that when they're on the subway train,they can tell if they're going to work or coming home.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-10-2003 06:49 AM                        Rated G Ed in Aurora Ont. As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load." The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" Shaking his head the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says? "Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in Canada and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!!!!!!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-17-2003 09:22 AM                        Rated G Michele The man had taken his date, a young blonde woman, to see a famous pianist.Halfway through,she tapped on his shoulder. "What's he playing?" she asked. "Chopin's Polonaise in A-flat," he responded. "Oh," she sighed, "I could have sworn it was a piano."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-20-2003 10:00 PM                        Rated G Michele Josh was helping Cheryl,the blonde,clean out the trunk of her car.Inside,he noticed a bag labeled "Emergency Repair Kit". Looking at it a little closer,he noticed a stick of dynamite inside.Thinking that was a bit strange,he asked Cheryl what it was for. She said, "It's part of my emergency repair kit." Josh said, "I can see that, but why?" Cheryl replied, "In case I have a flat and need to blow up one of my tires."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-07-2004 05:46 PM                        Rated G JerseyT Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes? . . . . . . . . A: A whine cellar.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-10-2004 03:10 PM                        Rated G I was busy sipping on my vodka when I overheard a group of ladies having a discussion. One was saying how her daughter was very meticulous and fastidious about herself and the enthusiasm she had for getting good grades. She said she hoped she would not be so anal as time went on. Whereupon a blonde in the group who was showing off her newly acquired breasts, chimed in with, "I used to be that way too, but as the years passed I've become less anal and more oral and vaginal."  |  IP: Logged Chris Medley Expert Film Handler Posts: 180 From: McKinney, TX, USA Registered: Jan 2004 posted 02-16-2004 01:48 AM                        Rated PG 3 blondes jump off a building ... Why did the 3 blondes jump off the building? They wanted to see if their maxi-pads really had wings.  |  IP: Logged Chris Medley Expert Film Handler Posts: 180 From: McKinney, TX, USA Registered: Jan 2004 posted 02-16-2004 01:50 AM                        Rated G A Blonde Goes to the Library? Once a blonde went to the library to get a book. A few days later, she returns and says to librarian at the counter, "This book was very boring. It had too many characters and too many numbers, so i would like to return it." The librarian says to the other librarian, "So here is the person who took our phone book!"  |  IP: Logged Chris Medley Expert Film Handler Posts: 180 From: McKinney, TX, USA Registered: Jan 2004 posted 02-16-2004 01:51 AM                        Rated PG-13 Indecent Exposure A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open, exposing one of her breasts. A nearby policeman approaches her and remarks, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?" "Why, officer?" asks the blonde. "Because your blouse is open and your breast is exposed." "Oh my goodness," exclaims the blonde, "I left my baby on the bus!"  |  IP: Logged Chris Medley Expert Film Handler Posts: 180 From: McKinney, TX, USA Registered: Jan 2004 posted 02-16-2004 01:52 AM                        rated g Puzzle Pieces Three blondes have just finished a jigsaw-puzzle so they decide to celebrate by going out. They walk into a bar chanting, "61 days 61 days!" The bartender gets curious and walks over to them and asks, "Why are you chanting 61 days?" One of the three answer, "Because the box said 3-6- years!"  |  IP: Logged Chris Medley Expert Film Handler Posts: 180 From: McKinney, TX, USA Registered: Jan 2004 posted 02-16-2004 01:53 AM                        Soccer Blonde A blonde began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other. The blonde approached and asked if she was all right. The girl said she was. A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the girl was in the same spot, still by herself. Approaching again, Sandy offered, "Would you like me to be your friend?" The girl hesitated, then said, "Okay," looking at the woman suspiciously. Feeling she was making progress, the blonde then asked, "Why are you standing here all alone?" "Because," the little girl said with great exasperation, "I'm the goalie!"  |  IP: Logged Chris Medley Expert Film Handler Posts: 180 From: McKinney, TX, USA Registered: Jan 2004 posted 02-16-2004 01:53 AM                        rated pg 3 Wishes A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island. One day, the three of them are walking along the beach and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie. The genie says, "Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one." The brunette says, "I've been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I just want to go home." POOF! The brunette gets her wish and she is returned to her family. Then, the red head says, "I've been stuck here for years as well. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I wish I could go home too." POOF! The redhead gets her wish and she is returned to her family. The blonde starts crying uncontrollably. The genie asks, "My dear, what's the matter?" The blonde whimpers, "I wish my friends were still here."  |  IP: Logged

All times are Central (GMT -6:00)

This topic comprises 29 pages: 1  2  3  ...  18  19  20  21  22  23  24  ...  27  28  29

Printer-friendly view of this topic

Hop To: Select a Forum: Category: Operations -------------------- Digital Cinema Forum Film Handlers' Forum Large Format Forum Ground Level Feature Info, Trailer Attachments & REAL Credit Offsets Category: Community -------------------- Film-Yak Film Handlers' Movie Reviews The Afterlife Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon Category: Classified -------------------- Equipment and Supplies Wanted/For Sale Help Wanted/Seeking Employment Category: System -------------------- Software Beta Testing Forum

The Film-Tech Forums are designed for various members related to the cinema industry to express their opinions, viewpoints and testimonials on various products, services and events based upon speculation, personal knowledge and factual information through use, therefore all views represented here allow no liability upon the publishers of this web site and the owners of said views assume no liability for any ill will resulting from these postings. The posts made here are for educational as well as entertainment purposes and as such anyone viewing this portion of the website must accept these views as statements of the author of that opinion and agrees to release the authors from any and all liability.