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Author Topic: Blonds Alan Plester Expert Film Handler Posts: 209 From: great yarmouth england Registered: Apr 2001 posted 02-22-2004 02:47 AM                     Whats the difference between a blonde and a gnat? The gnat stops sucking when you hit it  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-09-2004 11:56 AM                        Rated G Michele A blonde bought a brand new car and decided to drive far off to meet her friend. She reached there in a few hours. After spending a few days there, she decided to return, and called up her mother to expect her in the evening. But she didn't reach home in the evening and not the next day either. When she finally reached home on the third day, her distraught mother ran and asked her, "What happened?" She got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, "Oh, these car designers, these people are crazy! They have four gears for going forward, but only one for going back!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-12-2004 08:56 PM                        Rated G Dennis in Yonkers The power of observation -------------- Three women go down to Mexico one night, get drunk,and wake up in jail,only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before. The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair, and is asked if she has any last words.She says, "I am from Grace university,and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on behalf of the innocent," They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately prostrate themselves;beg for her forgiveness,and release her. The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words,"I am from the Creighton School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent." They throw the switch and again,nothing happens. Again,they all immediately prostrate themselves;beg for her forgiveness,and release her. The last one, a blond,is strapped in and says,"Well, I'm from the University of Alabama, Huntsville and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering,and I'll tell you rightnow,you aren'tgoing to electrocute nobody if you don't plug thisthing in."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-16-2004 09:19 AM                        Rated G Michele Kate, the blonde, is at her friend's house it starts to rain very heavily. Her friend tells her to spend the night at her house and go home the next day. When she hears this, Kate rushes out the door and comes back a while later totally drenched and carrying a small shopping bag. Her friend asks, "Where did you run off too?" "I went home to get my pajamas!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-16-2004 09:20 AM                        Rated G Judy The man had taken his date, a young blonde woman, to see a famous pianist. Halfway through, she tapped on his shoulder. "What's he playing?" she asked. "Chopin's Polonaise in A-flat," he responded. "Oh," she sighed, "I could have sworn it was a piano."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-16-2004 09:53 AM                        Rated G Why does a blonde insist on her boyfriend wearing a condom? So she can have a doggie bag for later.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-23-2004 12:54 PM                        Rated G Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double-pane energy efficient kind. But this week I got a call from the contractor complaining that his work had been completed a whole year ago and I had yet to pay for them. Boy oh boy, did we go around! Just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid.So, I proceeded to tell him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year... that in one year the windows would pay for themselves. There was silence on the other end of the line so I just hung up and I haven't heard back. Guess I won that stupid argument.  |  IP: Logged Steven Privett Expert Film Handler Posts: 208 From: Pasadena, TX, USA Registered: Dec 2000 posted 05-20-2004 04:36 AM                    Rated G A guy is hanging upside down from the rafters at a factory when a blonde coworker walks by. “What are you doing?” she asks. “I need a few weeks off,” explains the man. “I’m pretending to be nuts.” Just then the boss walks by and sees the man dangling from the ceiling. “What are you doing?” asks the boss. “I’m a light bulb,” answers the guy. “You’re going crazy. Take a vacation.” The man jumps down to leave, and the blonde starts to follow him. “Where do you think you’re going, young lady?” the boss asks. “Home,” she replies. “I can’t work in the dark.”  |  IP: Logged Steven Privett Expert Film Handler Posts: 208 From: Pasadena, TX, USA Registered: Dec 2000 posted 05-20-2004 05:07 AM                    Rated G Smart Blonde joke? Two bored casino dealers are waiting at a craps table when a hot blonde walks up and bets $20,000 on a single roll of the dice. “I hope you don’t mind,” she says to the two men, “but I feel much luckier when I’m completely nude.” She strips naked and rolls the dice. As the dice come to a stop, she jumps up and down, squealing, “I won, I won!” She hugs each of the dealers, picks up her winnings and her clothes, then walks away quickly. The dealers stare at each other for a few minutes until one asks, “What did she roll?” “Hell, I don’t know,” says the other. “I thought you were watching.”  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-18-2004 06:46 AM                        Rated PG She was Soooooooo Blonde . . * She thought a quarterback was a refund. * She thought General Motors was in the army. * She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats. * She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center. * At the bottom of an application where it says "Sign here:" she wrote "Sagittarius." She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde... * She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept. * She sent a fax with a stamp on it. * Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics." She was Sooooooooooooooooo Blonde.. * She tripped over a cordless phone. * She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "Concentrate." * She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK." * She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order. She was Soooooooooooooooooooo Blonde... * She studied for a blood test. * She sold the car for gas money. * When she missed bus #44 she took bus #22 twice instead. * When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, "Airport Left," she turned around and went home. She Was Sooooooooooooooooooooo Blonde... * When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved. * She thought if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless. * She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening. * She had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "This Goes In Front." She is sooooooooooooooooo Blonde... * She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.  |  IP: Logged Marc Hansen Film Handler Posts: 93 From: Seattle, WA, USA Registered: Dec 2000 posted 08-30-2004 09:17 PM                     Two blonds walk into a building * * * * * * * * You would think they would have seen it  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-01-2004 02:49 PM                        Rated G Blonde & Distance: Two blondes are in Australia. One asks the other: "Which is further, London or the Moon?" The other replies: "HELLOOOOO, can you see London from here????!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-08-2004 09:19 AM                        Rated PG She was Soooooooo Blonde . . . * She thought a quarterback was a refund. * She thought General Motors was in the army. * She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats. * She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center. * At the bottom of an application where it says "Sign here:" she wrote "Sagittarius." She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde... * She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept. * She sent a fax with a stamp on it. * Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics." She was Soooooooooooooooo Blonde... * She tripped over a cordless phone. * She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "Concentrate." * She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK." * She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order. She was Soooooooooooooooooooo Blonde... * She studied for a blood test. * She sold the car for gas money. * When she missed bus #44 she took bus #22 twice instead. * When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, "Airport Left," she turned around and went home. She Was Sooooooooooooooooooooo Blonde... * When she eard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved. * She thought if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless. * She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening. * She had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "This Goes In Front." AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE: She is sooooooooooooooooo Blonde... * She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-06-2005 10:05 AM                        Rated G B.B. A blonde is on board a small two seater plane when suddenly the pilot dies. Not knowing how to fly a plane she grabs the radio. "Mayday, mayday! My pilot just died!" Ground control receive her call for help and answers back: "Don't worry, madam. I'll talk you down, just do as I say. First I need you to give me your height and position" "I'm 5"2' and sitting in the front"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-11-2005 10:34 AM                        Rated G Lulu Setting off the alarm while passing through a metal detector at McCarran Airport in Las Vegas, a blonde traveler was asked by a security agent if she had any change in her pockets. "Gee," the blonde says, turning towards her husband, I told you we should of gone to Florida instead.....everyone here expects to be tipped."  |  IP: Logged

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