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Author Topic: Blonds Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-04-2005 12:12 PM                        Rated G Michele Blonde: My doctor is really nice to me. Brunette: Oh yeah? How nice is he? Blonde: Well, for starters, when he treated me for double pneumonia, he only billed me for one pnuemonia!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-09-2005 07:10 PM                        Rated G Michele Mandy, talking to a friend: I put five dollars in the change machine. And would you believe it, I'm *still* me!!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-11-2005 12:38 PM                        Rated G A very pregnant blonde and her husband were sitting in a Chinese restuarnt when she opened both her, and her boyfriends fortune cookies. To her surprise, they both read exactly the same: "Celebarate your inner child." Turning to her husband she exclaimed. "Honey, I think we're going to have twins!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-11-2005 02:23 PM                        Rated PG FOOTBALL ANALYSIS BY A BLONDE A guy took his blonde girl friend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench... After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied,"especially the tight pants and all the big muscles,but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean? " "Well, I saw them flip a coin and one team got it and then for the rest of the game,all they kept screaming was: "'Get the quarterback! Get the f..&%#!*; quarterback! Hel-LLLO! It's only 25 cents!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-18-2005 10:09 AM                        Rated G Bambi, a buxom blonde came running up to her husband in the driveway as he came home from work just jumping for joy. He didn't know why she was jumping for joy but thought, what the hell, and started jumping up and down with her. When Bambi said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!" He said, "Great, tell me what you're so happy about!" She stopped jumping and was breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, when she told him that she was pregnant! He was ecstatic! They'd been trying for a while. He kissed her and told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier!" Then, she said, "Oh, honey, there's more!" He asked, "What do you mean, 'more'?" She said, "Well, we're not having just one baby, we're going to have TWINS!" Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, he asked her how she knew. She said, "Well, that was the easy part. I went to the chemist and bought the twin pack home pregnancy test kit and BOTH tests came out positive!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-25-2005 06:09 AM                        Rated G Michele One morning the phone rang at 3:00 a.m. in a blonde's house. She picked up the phone and a man asked, "Is this 555-1111?" "No, this is 555-1112." She replied. "Oh, I'm so sorry for disturbing you." The man said. "That's alright," said, "I had to get up to answer the phone anyway."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-01-2005 02:14 PM                        Rated G A blonde was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuit. The prosecutor opened his questioning with, "Where were you the night of August 24th?" "Objection!" said the defense attorney. "Irrelevant!" "Oh, that's okay," said the blonde from the witness stand. "I don't mind answering the question." "I object!" the defense said again. "No, really," said the blonde. "I'll answer." The judge ruled: "If the witness insists on answering, there is no reason for the defense to object." So the prosecutor repeated the question: "Where were you the night of August 24th?" The blonde replied brightly, "I don't know!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-01-2005 02:19 PM                        Rated G Four Degrees of Blonde There were 4 blondes. They decided to start a business. They had a lot of discussion on the type of business and finally decided to start an auto-garage. They bought the best of car servicing equipments and manpower. They waited that day for the first car to arrive but no car entered their garage.They waited for 1 day, 2 days, a week but no car came to their garage. WHY? - Because their garage was on the second floor.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-01-2005 02:20 PM                        Rated G After this failure they decided to fall back on the good old taxi driving. They bought a cab and began to look for passengers. They drove past round and round but nobody hailed their taxi. They went to the airport yet nobody hailed their taxi. They even drove to country, even there nobody hailed their taxi. In desperation they kept on driving all around but alas no one hailed their taxi. WHY? - Because all the four blondes were sitting in the taxi.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-01-2005 02:22 PM                        Rated G Now all the 4 blondes were very disappointed with their fate and decided to push their taxi into the sea. They started pushing their taxi. They pushed the whole day and were very exhausted but the taxi did not move even an inch. They decided to rest for a while and started to push again. The taxi just wouldn't move. WHY? - Because 2 blondes were pushing from the front and two from behind.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-12-2005 02:42 PM                        Rated G VERY HELPFUL BLOND INVENTIONS Ice Cube Mix. Tricycle Kickstand. Solar Flashlight. Dehydrated Water. Fire Proof Matches. Reversible Sandwich Bread. Black Light Bulb. Garage Door Closer. Cordless Cell Phone. Disposible Garbage Bags.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-21-2005 11:30 AM                        Rated G LuLu 1st Blonde, "I woke up this morning and felt so bad that I tried to kill myself by taking a hundred aspirin." 2nd Blonde, "Oh my! What happened?" 1st Blonde, "After the first two, I felt better."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-01-2005 01:45 PM                        Rated G A blonde went to an eye doctor to have her eyes checked for glasses. The doctor directed her to read various letters with the left eye while covering the right eye.The blonde was so mixed up on which eye was which that the eye doctor,in disgust,took a paper lunch bag with a hole to see through,covered up the appropriate eye and asked her to read the letters. As he did so, he noticed the blonde had tears streaming down her face. "Look," said the doctor, "there's no need to get emotional about getting glasses." "I know," agreed the blonde, "But I kind of had my heart set on wireframes."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-25-2005 04:47 PM                        Rated G A blonde goes on vacation out west. She sees a saloon and decides to see what it's all about. Once inside she spots a moose head on the wall. The bartender notices her looking at it and asks if she ever saw a moose before." "Not where I'm from....do you mind if I go into the next room and take a look at the rest of it?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-26-2005 07:32 AM                        Rated G 1st Blonde, "I woke up this morning and felt so bad that I tried to kill myself by taking a hundred aspirin." 2nd Blonde, "Oh my! What happened?" 1st Blonde, "After the first two, I felt better."  |  IP: Logged

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