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Author Topic: Blonds Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-16-2002 08:03 AM                        Rated G Three women were stranded on an island 20 miles away from land. There were no boats or floats, so they knew they'd have to swim back. The brunette went first.She swam four miles,got tired, and drowned. The red head went 2nd.She swam 8 miles,got tired, and drowned. Then it was the blonde's turn.She swam 18 miles,got tired,and swam back to the island.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-19-2002 09:19 AM                        Rated G A blonde, a red head and a brunette sign up with a tourist group and chartered a double decker bus to go to London. There are only 2 seats left on the bottom of the bus and only 1 seat in the top of the bus available when they board. They decided to take turns riding in the top and flipped a coin to see who got the first turn. The blonde won the toss. A couple of hours later it's the red heads turn so she walks up the stairs, and sees the blonde sitting there scared half to death.She's clutching the seat in front of her so hard that her knuckles are white. "What's going on?" the red head asks."We're having a grand old time down below." The blonde replies, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-21-2002 08:18 AM                        Rated G BLONDIE QUICKIES! Q. Did you hear about the blonde who just bought an A.M. radio? A. It took her three weeks to figure out that you could play it at night. Q. Did you hear about the two Blondes that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater? A. They went to see "Closed for the Winter." Q. What's the advantage of being married to a blonde? A. You can park in handicapped zones. Q. Did you hear about the blonde who gave his cat a bath? A. He still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-23-2003 01:18 PM                        Rated PG At a party, a guy walks up to a stunning young woman and said, "Gentlemen prefer blondes." Thinking to shake him, she replied, "I'm not really a blonde." He said, "Good. I'm not really a gentleman."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-28-2003 01:37 PM                        Rated G Blonde Jokes Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner? A: Reservations! Q: What do you get when you put 20 blonde's ear to ear? A: A WIND TUNNEL! Q: How do you drown a dumb blonde? A: Put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of the pool! Q : What did the blondes right leg say to her left leg? A : Nothing, they've never met! Q: What do you call a blonde behind the steering wheel? A: An airbag.  |  IP: Logged Gordon Bachlund Jedi Master Film Handler Posts: 696 From: Monrovia, CA, USA Registered: Aug 1999 posted 01-29-2003 06:39 PM                        A Blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She let him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger." He held her hand and said, "Second, I'd advise you to relax. Let's have a cup of coffee, then . . . ," he sighed, "let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box..."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-05-2003 09:31 AM                        Rated PG Two friends,a blonde and a redhead,are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the redhead happens to see her boyfriend buying flowers. She sighs and says,"Oh,crap,my boyfriend is buying me flowers again." The blonde looks quizzically at her and says,"You don't like getting flowers?" The redhead says,"I love getting flowers, but he always has expectations after giving me flowers,and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air." The blonde says,"Don't you have a vase?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-14-2003 08:24 AM                        Rated G Q:Why can't you tell blondes knock-knock jokes? A:Because they leave to answer the door.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-20-2003 12:43 PM                        Rated G Fetch The veterinarian told the blonde that her dog needed some exercise."You need to make sure this dog runs around," the doctor said."Try playing a game of fetch with him." "I can’t play fetch with my dog,"the blonde said."Why not?" the doctor asked. "Because," she replied, "He can’t throw."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-10-2003 03:42 PM                        Rated G Three blondes died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter represented. The first blonde said, "Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey." St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her to Hell. The second blonde said, "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus' birth and exchange gifts." St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her to Hell. The third blonde said she knew what Easter was, and St. Peter said, "So,tell me." She said," Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with His disciples when He was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested Him. The Romanshung Him on the cross and eventually He died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very large boulder... St. Peter said, "Verrrrrry good." Then the blonde continued, "Now, every year the Jews roll away theboulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of basketball." St. Peter fainted.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-23-2003 05:12 PM                        [Rated] G [/b] Contrary to popular belief, most blondes do indeed know the value of a dollar. The other day a blonde from Atlanta had her car break down. The tow truck driver charged her $ 65.00 to take the car to the garage less than 10 miles away. When she told her husband that evening, he said that the driver had taken advantage of her. She said,"I thought so.ButI made him earn it.I kept the brakes on all the way."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-08-2003 04:30 PM                        Rated G Blond Joke It's a Prindle Myrddin: "I see you bought a new car. What's the make?" Thorn: "A Prindle." Myrddin: "A what?" Thorn: "A Prindle." Myrddin: "I've never heard of a Prindle before." Thorn: "Me neither, but that's what it says, right over the steering wheel." Myrddin: "It says *what* over the steering wheel?" Thorn: "The name of the car. It's spelled out, right above the steering wheel, and right underneath the speedometer: P-R-N-D-L." [ 04-22-2003, 10:14 AM: Message edited by: Bob Maar ]  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-08-2003 04:57 PM                        Rated G Josh was helping Bambi,the young and very buxom blonde clean out the trunk of her car. Inside, he noticed a bag labeled "Emergency Repair Kit." Looking at it a little closer, he noticed a stick of dynamite inside. Thinking that was a bit strange, he asked Bambi what it was for. Bambi said, "It's part of my emergency repair kit." Confused. Josh asked, "I can see that, but why?" Bambi answered, "In case I have a flat and need to blow up one of my tires."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-10-2003 11:37 AM                        Rated G Blond Joke of the Month: How do you sink a submarine full of blonds? Knock on the door.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-15-2003 12:07 PM                        Rated R Carol in Atlanta There are 70 way's to keep a blonde happy: One is to take her shopping. The other is 69. What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up. What does a blond owl say? What, What?  |  IP: Logged

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