Q. Why can't a blonde eat pickles?
A. She can't get her face in the jar.

Q. What do a blonde and a turtle have in common?
A. Once they're on their back they are screwed.

Q. What is a blonde's mating call?
A. I think I'm drunk

Q. What's a brunette's mating call?
A. Is the blonde gone yet?

Q. Why don't blondes like vibrators?
A. They chip their teeth.

Q. Why did God give blonde's one more brain cell than a cow?
A. So when you pull her tits she doesn't shit on the floor.

Q. What did the blonde do at the M&M factory?
A. Proof reader.

Q. How does a blonde spell "blonde"?
A. B-l oh, it doesn't matter anyway.

Q. Why do blonde's drive BMW's instead of Porsche's?
A. They can't spell Porsche.

Q. Why do blondes like tilt-steering?
A. More headroom.

Q. Why did God invent orgasms?
A. So blondes know when to stop screwing.

Q. How many blonde's does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Three. One to find he bulb, one to find the ladder and one to find a man.

Q. How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
A. Ten. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the Smarties.

Q. How do blondes brain cells die?
A. Alone.

Q. What's the similarity between blondes and cow pats?
A. The older they are the easier they are to pick up.

A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out.

A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"

She says, "Why, officer?"

"Because your breast is hanging out."

10 Blonde Science Fair Projects:

10) Are poisonous snakes really venomous?

9) Is lighter fluid flammable?

8) What hurts more: falling off a building, or a cliff?

7) Are knives sharp?

6) Can sharks hurt a human?

5) What happens if I stick my hand in a piranha aquarium?

4) Can I break my arm hitting it against a wall?

3) Can I eat broken glass and live?

2) Can dogs talk?

A blonde walks into a bar and has a few drinks.

Right before she goes into the bathroom she puts a cigarette behind her right ear.

Five minutes later she goes back to her seat at the bar and the bartender asks, "Why do you have a tampon behind your right ear?"

Jill, a blonde, was standing in front of a soda machine saying, "You are a dumb looking button. You don't have much of a future, either.

People are going to be punching you all your life. Then you are going to be replaced by a much better looking button."

I foolishly asked what she was doing. 

A blonde woman strode angrily into the large store and slapped a package on the counter, and loudly expressed her dissatisfaction.

The clerk asked, "What's the problem? Wouldn't your cat eat them?"

A guy was running for an elevator and he stuck his hand in tostop the doors, and the doors opened. Inside stood a blonde. Hesaid, "Good morning, which floor are you going to?" Sheresponded, "3rd floor." He pushed the 3rd floor button, plus the 5th floor for himself.

As the elevator started moving the gentleman struck up a conversation and asked the blonde where she was going. She said, "I'm going to the blood bank on the 3rd floor; I donate blood once a week for $10 to supplement my income." Then she asked the gentleman where he was going. He responded, "I'm going to the sperm bank on the 5th floor; I donate sperm there once a week for $50 to supplement my income".

The next week the same scenario happens. He stopped the elevator doors with his hand, the doors opened and the blonde was standing inside. He smiled and greeted her and asked if she was going to the 3rd floor? The lady responded in a garbled tone (as if she had something in her mouth), "No 5th floor first."

A blonde went to the dentist one day to have a tooth pulled and she was very nervous about it. The dentist noticed this and while he was putting his gloves on, he started to talk to the woman so she wouldn't feel so nervous.

He asked, "Do you know how they make these gloves?" The woman shook her head. The doctor explained, "In a big rubber factory they have a whole lot of men and women with different hand sizes and they have to put their hands into a big huge tank of melted rubber and wait until it dries and then take it off and do it again." The woman didn't even blink she seemed to be too busy trying not the panic.

So he tried telling her a joke or two but once again she didn't even smirk. So he gave up about five to ten minute later.

At a pharmacy, a blonde asked to use the infant scale to weigh the baby she held in her arms.

The clerk explained that the device was out for repairs, but said that she would figure the infant's weight by weighing the woman and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and subtracting the second amount from the first.

A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist. "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me."

Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a phone in your car?"

Blonde: "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car."

Psychiatrist: "Uh ... How's that working?"

Blonde: "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet."

Psychiatrist: "And why do you think that is?"

One day while jogging, a middle-aged man noticed a tennis ball lying by the side of the walk.

Being fairly new and in good condition, he picked the ball up, put it in his pocket and proceeded on his way.

Waiting at the cross street for the light to change, he noticed a beautiful blond standing next to him smiling.

"What do you have in your pocket?", she asked.

"Tennis ball,” the man said smiling back.

A blonde just got a job as an assistant secretary at a major law firm. She was to stay by the secretary and learn all she needed to know. The one problem was that this blonde constantly sucked her thumb.

After a few days the boss decides to give the blonde a ten dollar raise. The lawyer than proceeds to ask the secretary how the blonde is doing. The secretary said to her boss, "She's doing terrible! She's the stupidest thing I've ever seen. And she's always sucking her thumb! It pisses me off!" The lawyer smiles and disregards the message and tells her to give it another try.

After a few more days the blonde does even worse than before;she's destroyed half of the law firms cases and broke down three computers. The secretary gets fed up and looks at the blonde(who's still sucking her thumb) and says, "WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SO STUPID!?" "I dunno." muffles the blonde. "AND WHY DO YOU KEEP SUCKING YOUR THUMB!?"

"Boss told me to."

"WHY!?"

A young blonde girl, about 15 is sitting in school one afternoon. She puts her hand up to get the teachers attention.

Finally the teacher asks her what her problem is.

She tells the teacher she has to go to the bathroom.
 
The teacher tells the young girl that this is a very important lesson, and that she will have to wait until break to go. 

After a few minutes, the young girl raises her hand again, this time, acting much more urgent about the situation.

Again, the teacher puts her off... 

About three minutes later, the young girl stand up in the middle of the lesson, and walks towards the door.

The teacher stops in the middle of a sentence, and asks the girl what she thought she was doing. 

The girl said "You don't understand, I HAVE to go NUMBER THREE!". 

The teacher... quite confused, asks the girl, just what number three was. 

"How come you're late?" asks the bartender as the blonde waitress walks in the door.

"It was awful," she explains. "I was walking down Elm street and there was this terrible accident. A man was lying in the middle of the street; he was thrown from his car. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere.

Thank God I took that first-aid course; all my training came back to me in a minute."

"What did you do?" asks the bartender.

A blonde girl comes home from school and says, "Ma, is it true
that babies come out of where boys put their wieners?"

Her mother says, "Yep."