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Author Topic: Priests/General Catholic Humor Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-10-2008 06:20 PM                        Rated PG Jokester Red Mini Nun The convent had been presented with a new car, a red Mini Metro. Sister Lucy, the only qualified driver, became the chauffeur for all and sundry. Every Saturday she would drive Reverend Mother into town for the shopping. All went well till Bank Holiday weekend when the town was so packed with people and cars that it became evident that there was no earthly place to park. 'Don't worry, Mother,' said Sister Lucy. 'You go into the supermarket and I'll drive round the block until you come out.' Off sped the car, and Reverend Mother bustled round the store quickly, picking up all the necessary goods and then rushing back to the curbside. There she stood for five minutes, ten, fifteen, twenty. No sign of Sister Lucy. Where could she be? Eventually Reverend Mother approached a patrolling policeman. 'Excuse me, officer,' said she, 'have you seen a nun in a red Mini?' 'No,' replied the policeman, 'but these days nothing would surprise me!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-10-2008 06:24 PM                        Rated PG Jokester Smoking in the Convent Two nuns were in back of the convent smoking cigarettes, when one said: "It's bad enough that we have to sneak out here to smoke, but it really is a problem getting rid of the cigarette butts so that Mother Superior doesn't find them." The second nun said: "I've found a marvelous invention called the condom, which works really well for this problem. You just open the packet up, take out the condom, and put the cigarette butt in, roll it up, and dispose of it all later!" The first nun was quite impressed and asked where she could find them. "You get them at the drug store, sister, just go and ask the pharmacist for them." The next day the good sister went to the drug store and walked up to the counter. "Good morning sister," said the pharmacist. "What can I do for you today?" "I'd like some condoms please" said the nun. The pharmacist was a little taken aback, but recovered soon enough and asked: "How many boxes would you like - there are twelve to a box." "I'll take six boxes," said the nun. "That should last about a week!" The pharmacist was truly flabbergasted by this time, and was almost afraid to ask any more questions, but his professionalism prevailed. "Sister, what size condoms would you like? We have large, extra large, and big liar size." The sister thought for a minute, and finally said: "I'm not certain, perhaps you could recommend a good size for a Camel?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-10-2008 06:26 PM                        Rated PG Jokester Married to God One day a poor Rabbi was crossing a busy intersection when he was hit by a car. Due to the extent of his injuries the Ambulance attendants decided to take him to the nearest hospital which was called St. Mary's Hospital, a Catholic Hospital where all the nurses are nuns. Three weeks went by and the Rabbi fully recovered. Just before being discharged the Head Nurse, Sister Mary Catherine handed him the bill for his stay. The Rabbi stared at the bill for a while shaking his head. Finally he turned to the nurse and said "Sister, I have no health insurance. I am a very poor Rabbi, my father is a very poor Rabbi, my brother is a very poor Rabbi, my other brother is a poor man, and my sister, well she is a traitor to the family, so we disowned her". The nurse asked "why is she a traitor to the family?" The Rabbi replied, "Well, she converted to Catholicism and became a nun." The nun replied, "Why, in our religion that is a great honor. It means your sister is married to GOD. The Rabbi replied: Well, in that case give the bill to my Brother-in-law.  |  IP: Logged

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