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Author Topic: Gender Related "Men & Women" Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-24-2003 05:40 PM                        Rated X LATIN LOVERS A virile, young Greek gentleman was relaxing at his favorite bar in Athens, when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment, and after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom and made love. After a pleasant interlude, he asked with a smile, "So...you finish?" She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, "No." Surprised, the young man reached for her and the lovemaking resumed.This time she thrashes about wildly and there are screams of passion. The love making ends, and again, the young man smiles, and again he asks, "You finish?" And again, after a short pause, she returns hissmile, cuddles closer to him, and softly says, "No." Stunned, but damned if this woman is going to outlast him, the young man reaches for the woman again. Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they climaxn simultaneously, screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets. The exhausted man falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn hisn head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly, and asks again, "You finish?" Barely able to speak, she whispers in his ear, "No! I Norwegian.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-25-2003 06:49 AM                        Rated G Sue Bee I think that the cute little pharmacist down at the drugstore is stuck up. I ask her out every month when I go in to get my herpes and hemorrhoid medicines, but she just looks at me like I'm a leper or something.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-25-2003 09:08 PM                        Rated G "It's easy to admire a good loser at a strip-poker party.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-26-2003 09:48 AM                        Rated X John receives a phone call. "Hello," he answers. The voice on the other end says, "This is Susan. We met at a party about 3 months ago." John: "Hmm... Susan? About 3 months ago?" Susan: "Yes, it was at Bill's house. After the party you took me home. On the way we parked and got into the back seat. You told me I was a good sport." John: "Oh, yeah! Susan! How are you?" Susan: "I'm pregnant and I'm going to kill myself." John: "Say, you ARE a good sport."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-28-2003 10:18 AM                        Rated PG Sue Bee As the young couple parked in a crowded lovers lane, she sighed romantically. "It’s lovely out here tonight, just listen to the crickets." "Those aren't crickets," her date replied. "They're zippers."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-31-2003 10:42 AM                        Rated PG .... Lorraine One afternoon I was standing on the corner of Bourke and Swanston Sts with my best friend Anne.We had just had a sumptuous meal at a Chinese restaurant. Suddenly a revolting smell wafted around us. I turned to Anne and asked,"Did you just fart then?" To which she replied, "Of course I did, you don't think I smell like this all the time do you?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-08-2003 02:53 PM                        Rated XX A guy runs into an ex-girlfriend, with whom he didn't have the greatest relationship. "You know, I was with another woman last night, but I was still thinking of you." "Why, because you miss me?" "No, because it keeps me from cuming too fast."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-25-2003 08:09 AM                        Rated PG The Prom Queen was alone with her beau,a Pastor's son,in her home.They were watching a romantic video,and she turned to see him on his knees praying. "Oh Peter," she cried. "You are such a sweet guy.I should have known you'd never try anything with me until we were married." There was an odd gleam in his eye as he looked up."Please be quiet,Mary."he whispered hoarsely."Can't you see I'm saying grace?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-28-2003 10:18 AM                        Rated R John: Oh, Jill, I want to nibble on your neck! Jill: How romantic! John: I want to breathe into your ear! Jill: How sexy! John: I want to kiss your lips! Jill: Which ones?  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-28-2003 11:00 AM                        Rated G A man had a major row with his sweetheart.She was all but ready to break off their marriage plans.She was literally in TEARS! The man said to her,"Tell me, darling,what can I do to make things right with you?Is there a possible solution to our problem?" "Yes,Bill,"she sobbed,"get me something that I would not be expecting from you... something that I've never had in my life before!" He said,"Give me time to make a few telephone calls.I will get back to you shortly." Sure enough,as promised,Bill called her that evening. "Darling, I think I have a solution to our problem.I love you,snookums, and I want to give you something you've never had before -- just like you asked." She said that it was sweet of him, and asked him what he had arranged for her."No, darling... it is a surprise.I will pick you up tomorrow morning,about 8 AM.Fair enough?" "Fair enough," she replied." So, 7:50,he pulls the car in the driveway.The woman is all set for him to bring a package in for her to open. "I thought you had scheduled me a surprise?" She remarked, starting to pout. "I did," he replied.Hop in the car!" When she got in the car,he said,"Now, fasten this mask covering your eyes.I don't want you to see your surprise." About 25 minutes later,he said,"We're here now." "Already?" she replied. "Yep! I have you booked to have your appendix removed! Now tell me THAT is something you were expecting!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-06-2003 11:29 AM                        Rated G Driving to the office this morning on the Interstate,I looked over my shoulder to the left and there was a woman in a new Mustang doing 65 miles per hour, with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner!I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane,still working on that damn makeup! It scared me so bad,I dropped my electric shaver,which knocked the donut out of my other hand.In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel,it knocked my cell phone away from my ear which fell into the coffee between my legs,splashed and burned Big John and the family jewels.She ruined the damn phone and disconnected an important call ! DAMN WOMEN DRIVERS....AND THEIR MAKEUP.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-06-2003 08:40 PM                        Rated G Sue Bee Attention all women: When you want a man to pay attention to you, wear a full-length black nightgown with buttons all over it.Sure it's uncomfortable. But it makes you look just like his TV remote control.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-12-2003 07:06 AM                        Rated G Dennis in Yonkers FEMALE PRAYER: Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep. One who's handsome, smart and strong. One who loves to listen long. One who thinks before hespeaks. When he says he'll call, he won't wait weeks. Pulls out my chair and opens my door, Massages my back and begs to do more. Oh!  Send me a man who'll make love to my mind, And knows what to answer to"How big is my behind?"                         I pray that this man will loveme to no end, And never attempt to hit on my friend. Amen. MALE PRAYER: I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs, who owns a liquor store.  Amen.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-01-2003 08:05 AM                        Rated PG Denny in Yonkers Element Name: WOMANIUM Symbol: WO Atomic Weight: (Don't even go there) Physical properties:Generally soft and round in form.Boils at nothing and may freeze any time.Melts when treated properly.Very bitter if not used well. Chemical properties: Very active.Highly unstable.Possesses strong affinity with gold,silver,platinum,and precious stones. Violent when left alone.Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food.Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen. Usage:Highly ornamental.An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth.Probably the most powerful income-reducing agent known. Caution:Highly explosive in inexperienced hands! _____________________________ Element Name: MANIUM Symbol: XY Atomic Weight: (180 +/- 50) Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily.Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample.Due to rust,aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples. Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get.Also tends to form strong bonds with itself.Becomes explosive when mixed with KD (Element: CHILDIUM) for prolonged period of time. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol. Usage: None known.Possibly good methane gas source,since many samples are able to produce large quantities on command. Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-03-2003 04:27 PM                        Rated PG SAMPLE OF A MODERN LOVE LETTER Dearest Samantha, I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in love with you since Tuesday, the 17th of August 2001. With reference to the meeting held between us on the 17th of August 2001 at 1500 hours, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover. Our love affair would be on probation for a period of no less than three months and depending on compatibility,would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous relationship training and relationship appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse. The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broad-minded enough,to be taken care of,on your expense account. I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter,failing which,this offer would be canceled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else.I would be happy,if you could forward this letter to your sister,if you do not wish to take up this offer. Thanking you in anticipation. Yours sincerely, Max:D MODERN REPLY TO MODERN LOVE LETTER Dear Max, Please refer to your letter dated today. I am pleased to inform you that I hope to accept your proposal for romance. However, you should be informed that there are certain conditions of acceptance. Promotional prospects are to my satisfaction. However, please enlighten me as to your retirement benefits. Gratuity should be generous. I also need to be assured that there is sufficient security with regards to this commitment. If there is any chance at all of retrenchment or consequent disinterest on your part,then I should receive monetary compensation according to union standards. Due to the nature of my position,I am sure you will agree that an expense account should be arranged for my access in light of the 'VIP'.I shall be entertaining.In addition, housing and transport allowances should be in order and nothing less than a Jaguar is in order. Please also note that there should be no moonlighting restrictions placed on myself.If you are still interested in the relationship,please reply on an urgent basis as other prospective lovers have sent indications of interest. Please also note that my sister is happily employed. Yours perhaps, Samantha!  |  IP: Logged

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