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Author Topic: Gender Related "Men & Women" Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-25-2003 12:10 PM                        Rated G Michele What is the difference between men and women... A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-26-2003 07:56 AM                        Rated G ***** GENDER of computers ***** WOMEN CLAIM that computers should be referred to in the MASCULINE gender - because: 1. In order to get their attention,you have to turn them on. 2. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless. 3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem. 4. As soon as you commit to one,you realize that,if you had waited a little longer you could have had a better model. MEN concluded that computers should be referred to in the FEMININE gender - because: 1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic. 2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else. 3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for retrieval. 4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-12-2003 10:16 AM                        Rated G A stout elderly woman enters a room in which an elderly gentleman is sitting.When he does not rise, she chides him,"I see that you are not so gallant as when you were a boy!" He shoots right back:"And I see that you are not so buoyant as when you were a gal!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-22-2003 11:21 AM                        Rated G PERFECT: Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident. Question: Who was the survivor???????????? (Scroll down for the answer.) , , , , , , , , , , , , , . . . . . . . . . . Answer: The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man. **** Women stop reading here, that is the end of the joke.-----Men keep scrolling. So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident.-------Men Keep scrolling By the way, if you're a woman and you're still reading, this illustrates another point: ***Women never listen.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-24-2003 08:26 AM                        Rated G Michele Him: "I woke up with an erection this morning, and it had your name written all over it." Her: "I'm sure my name is far too long to fit the whole thing on your penis." Him: "Oh, yeah? What's your name?" Her: "Lu."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-17-2003 02:41 PM                        Rated G Michele Bob was such a womanizer. Everywhere he went, he was always hitting on women. True to his form, he was at a department store one afternoon and was attracted to one of the saleswomen and proceeded to see if she would go out with him that evening. She snapped at him, "I know your type. You think you can take me for drinks, and then try to get me back to your apartment, and then get me in to your bed. I can read you like a book." Bob just smiled and said, "Well then, don’t miss Chapter 5, it’s a doozie."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-27-2003 01:31 PM                        Rated G Michele The couple ended their date at her house.She invited the man in since it was early. As he sat down on the sofa she said,"Would you like to have a lil' drink ?" He grinned and replied, "I'd like to have a little -- period." "How very convenient." she mused. "'Cause that's exactly what I'm having."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-27-2003 02:38 PM                        Rated G blue_meanie When a man says "fine," he means everything's fine. When a woman says "fine" she means, I'm really ticked off, and you have to find out why.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-28-2003 12:35 PM                        Rated PG for women and X for men Perfect Day for a Woman 08:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses. 08:30 Weigh 5 lb. lighter than yesterday. 08:45 Breakfast in bed, fresh squeezed orange juice and croissants. 09:15 Soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil. 10:00 Light workout at club with handsome, funny, gay personal trainer. 10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, and comb out. 12:00 Lunch with best friend at an outdoor cafe. 12:45 Notice ex-boyfriend?s wife, she has gained 30 lb. 13:00 Shopping with friends, buy myself something special. 15:00 Nap. 16:00 A dozen roses delivered by florist from a secret admirer. 16:15 Light workout at club followed by a gentle massage. 17:30 Pick outfit for dinner. Primp before mirror. 19:00 Candlelight dinner for two followed by dancing. 20:00 Surprised with a piece of jewelry as a token of love. 21:30 Hot shower. Alone. 22:00 Make love. 23:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling. 23:15 Fall asleep in his big, strong arms. Perfect Day for a Man 06:00 Alarm. 06:15 Blowjob. 06:30 Massive dump while reading the sports section. 07:00 Breakfast. Filet Mignon, eggs, toast and coffee. 07:30 Limo arrives. 07:45 Beefeater Gin Gibson en route to airport. 08:15 Private jet to Augusta, Georgia. 09:30 Limo to Augusta National Golf Club. 09:45 Play front nine, finish 2 under par. 11:45 Lunch. 2 dozen oysters on the half shell. 3 Heinekens. 12:15 Blowjob. 12:30 Play back nine at Augusta, finish 4 under par. 14:15 Limo back to airport. Drink 2 Beefeater Gin Gibson martinis. 14:30 Private jet to Nassau, Bahamas. Nap. 15:15 Late afternoon fishing excursion with topless female crew. 16:30 Catch world record light tackle marlin - 1249 lbs. 17:00 Jet back home. En route, get massage from naked Playmate of your choice. 19:00 Watch CNN Newsflash. Clinton resigns. 19:30 Blowjob. 19:30 Dinner. Lobster appetizers, Dom Perignon, 20 0z. New York Strip. 21:00 Relax after dinner with 1789 Augler Cognac and Cuban cigar. 22:00 Have sex with two 18 year old nymphomaniacs. 23:00 Massage and jacuzzi. 23:45 Go to bed. 23:50 Let loose a 12 second, 4 octave fart. Watch the dog leave the room. 23:55 Laugh yourself to sleep. Does Life Get Any Better?  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-13-2003 06:42 AM                        Rated G The tall,handsome,confident gentleman walked over to the girl and made a disparaging remark about the men who had been chatting her up. She laughed gaily, "When I don't want a man's attentions," she confided,"and he asks where I live,I just say,'I'm visiting here'." "Ha-ha," he laughed, relishing her humor."Where do you really live?" "I'm just visiting here."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-14-2003 12:14 PM                        Rated G Michele A guy gets set up on a blind date and he takes her out for dinner to a very expensive restaurant to make a good impression. The waiter approaches the table and asks to take their order. The lady begins ordering practically everything on the menu, shrimpcocktail,pate,Caesar salad,lobster,crepes suzette,with no regard to the price. The guy is getting very upset, as he never thought she would order so much.She then stops,and looks across at him, and asks,"What do you suggest I wash it down with?" "Well my dear,I can think of nothing so fitting as the Mississippi River."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-16-2003 06:22 AM                        Rated G Michele Science Magazine came out with a report on the difference between men and women's brains. Apparently women are more controlled by a part of the brain called singletgyrus and men are more controlled by a part of the brain known as the penis.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-16-2003 06:24 AM                        Rated G Michele She: It was an honest mistake, honey.I said I was sorry.If I get down on my knees, will you forgive me? He: If you get down on your knees,I'll forgive,forget,and won't care if you do it again!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-16-2003 09:25 AM                        Rated G Michele After God had created man,he stepped back and admired his work:"Look at this perfect physique,the strong but yet handsome features,the well balanced proportions,I have to say,I am in awe with myself." Then he turned and looked at the woman.After he had been studying her for a while he said:"Well,I guess you will have to wear make-up."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-21-2003 07:24 AM                        Rated G Lorraine Guy: Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl: Exit, you should try it.  |  IP: Logged

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