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Author Topic: Gender Related "Men & Women" Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-17-2003 09:25 AM                        Rated G Michele Jill: John, why are you wearing nothing but your running shoes? John: Well, you said we'd have a "marathon" session tonight!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-27-2003 10:48 AM                        Rated PG Hank in Simi He said . . . I don't now why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it. She said . . . You wear pants don't you? ********************** He said . . .Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said . . . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa. ********************** He said . . . What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? She said . . .Turn sideways and look in the mirror! ************************ On a wall in a ladies room . . . "My husband follows me everywhere" Written just below it . . . " I do not" *********************** Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? A. Both of them. *************************** Q. What is the difference between men and government bonds? A. The bonds mature. ******************************** Q. Why are blonde jokes so short? A. So men can remember them. ******************************** Q. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? A. We don't know; it has never happened. ******************************** Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking? A. They already have boyfriends. ********************************* Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A. A widow. *********************************** Q. Why are married women heavier than single women? A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge. ************************************ Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?" God says: "So you would love her." But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?" God says: "So she would love you." *********************************** SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE GUYS YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-30-2003 08:40 AM                        Rated PG Michele He looked deep into the eyes of the woman he loved and said, "My heart is broken. I saw you with another man yesterday." "Oh don't be silly!" she replied, "That was just my husband, you know there's no one but you."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-11-2004 09:56 AM                        Rated R Dennis in Yonkers A man and a woman, who have never met before, find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a Transcontinental train. Although initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two are tired and fall asleep quickly -- he in the upper bunk and she in the lower. At 2:00 a.m., he leans over and gently wakes the woman,saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you,but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold." "I have a better idea," she replies. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married." "Wow! That's a great idea!!" he exclaims. "Good," she replies. "Get your own fucking blanket."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-11-2004 10:42 AM                        Rated G Amy Lou in Rochester NY "You might show me a little more respect." complained Jill as she and her date were driving back from "Lover's Lookout". "Yeah ?" said the smirking date, "Like by doing what?" "Well, for starters clown, not flying my panty hose from your radio antenna.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-20-2004 10:29 AM                        Rated R Lorraine BREAKING UP IS HARD: Psychology: Girl accuses guy of just using her as a substitute for his Mother. Sociology:Each claims to have been oppressed in the relationship. Religion: Each prays for reconcilliation and/or curses God Archaeology: One tries to bury the past, and accuses the other of trying to dig it up. Theatre: "OH MY GOD! Life is... ENDED... as we KNOW it!" Biology: "You just wanted to get in my genes!" Physics: Both resign themselves to the fact that what goes up must come down. Journalism: "Today was the end of an era. Jack, 19, and Jill,18, called an end to their relationship of 2 weeks..." Women's Studies: "HE did it!" Business: Both decide that they're spending way too much money together,and that it's simply cheaper to be single. Italian: "Mama Mia!" History:Each party argues the breakup was caused by something the other party did in the past. Geography: Both people decide to simply move far away to avoid each other. Anatomy: "I never liked your body anyway." Economics: One party demands more than the other can supply. English: Each writes the other a perfect breakup letter, complete with introduction,thesis,body,and conclusion,that doesn't really say anything substantively intelligible. Education: Both concede that the relationship was a learning experience. Computing: "Man, this bytes -- we just couldn't interface" and/or "His hard drive was more like a floppy." E. Engineer: "It's just so shocking... I'm sure there are positives and negatives, but..." Architecture: "There just wasn't much to build on anyway..." Jewish Studies: "OY! You should feel so guilty!" Philosophy: If 2 people break up in a dorm and there's no one to witness the breakup, are they really single? Zoology: They were able to mate like banshees, but lacked sophisticated communication skills. Phys. Ed.: They punch each other out in frustration. Chemistry: They turn to hard drugs to relieve the pain. Counseling: Each urges the other to "get help!" Music: Each utilizes an operatic lament (or, in Tennessee, a country song) to express his or her sorrow. Law: They sue each other for breach of a pre-dating agreement.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-20-2004 10:57 AM                        Rated G Michele A ten year old boy was walking home with a girl in his class when he said,"Pammy,you're the first girl I have ever loved." Pammy responded,"Great,that's all I need is another beginner."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-27-2004 06:05 AM                        Rated G The Relationship With Your Wife/Girlfriend Is Over When... - She puts your dinner on the floor in the Rover Dish. - The milkman is wearing your bathrobe. - You get a ticket for the Jerry Springer Show. - She starts every sentence with the words... "To whom it may concern." - Your mail comes addressed to "Current Resident". - The local mortician starts measuring you for a new suit. - Her mother looks at you and starts laughing. - You are urged to stir your coffee "very well" before drinking it. - Your favourite easy chair is plugged into the wall outlet. - All of your shirts have a target painted on them. - People are already referring to her as the "widow". - You come home and all that is left of the house is the foundation. - Your name is Fred and a new tattoo just below her navel reads..."Joe's Place."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-02-2004 09:40 AM                        Rated G Kevin in East Greenwich My girlfriend likes sticking her tits in my face,then asking for something really expensive.She inevitably get what she wants. This,my friends,is what is known as a booby trap.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-02-2004 11:03 AM                        Rated G Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. Women may need men emotionally and sexually, but they also need men to help them get dressed easier and quicker.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-05-2004 11:11 AM                        Rated PG Two girls board a crowded bus and one of them whispers to the other, "Watch me embarrass a man into giving me his seat." Pushing her way through the crowd, she turned all of her charms upon a gentleman who looked like he might embarrass easily. "My dear Mr. Wilson," she gushed,"fancy meeting you here on the bus. Am I glad to see you! Why you're almost a stranger.My,but I'm tired!" The sedate gent looked up at the girl. He had never seen her before but he rose and said pleasantly, "Sit down,Mary,my girl.It isn't often I see you on washday.No wonder you're tired.Being pregnant isn't easy. Have you figured out who the father is yet? By the way,don't deliver the wash until Thursday.My wife is going to the District Attorney's office to see whether or not she can get your husband out of jail."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-05-2004 09:09 AM                        Rated G Michele At a country-club party a young man was introduced to an attractive girl.Immediately he began paying her court and flattering her outrageously.The girl liked the young man, but she was taken a bit aback by his fast and ardent pitch.She was amazed when after 30 minutes he seriously proposed marriage. "Look," she said. "We only met a half hour ago. How can you be so sure? We know nothing about each other." "You're wrong," the young man declared."For the past 5 years I've been working in the bank where your father has his account.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-22-2004 12:30 PM                        Rated G George in Iowa I phoned up a really gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the other day. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild nights we used to enjoy together.I couldn't BELIEVE it when she asked if I'd like to meet up and maybe rekindle a little of that magic. "Wow!" I said "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now! I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!" She giggled and said she was sure I'd meet the challenge. "Yeah," I said, "Just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistband that's a few inches wider these days!" She laughed and told me to stop being so silly. She teased me, saying she thought tubby bald men were cute. "Anyway", she said, "I've put on a couple of pounds myself!" So I hung up...  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-12-2004 08:59 PM                        Rated G Hank in Simi THE MOODS OF A WOMAN An angel of truth and a dream of fiction, A woman is a bundle of much contradiction, She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse, But will tackle a stranger alone in the house. Can be sour as vinegar, but sweet as a rose, She'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose, She'll win you in rage, enchant you in silk, She'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk, At times she'll be vengeful, then merry or sad, She'll hate you like poison, then love you like mad. THE MOODS OF A MAN Hungry. Horny. Sleepy.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-19-2004 11:46 AM                        Rated G Michele Men have secret societies and shrouded rituals. Women have kitchen tables and a damn good laugh. [ 05-05-2004, 12:32 PM: Message edited by: Bob Maar ]  |  IP: Logged

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