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Author Topic: Gender Related "Men & Women" Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-05-2004 12:32 PM                        Rated G My girlfriend is weird. She asked me, 'If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?' I said, 'No.' She said, 'Okay, then forget it.'"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-06-2004 09:36 PM                        Rated G Lorraine Fred's convertible glided to a halt on the edge of a lonely country road. "I suppose," said his pretty but reluctant date, "you're going to pull the old 'out of gas' routine." "No," said Fred," I'm going to pull the 'here after' routine." "The 'here after' routine? What's that?" she wanted to know. "If you're not here after what I'm here after, you'll be here after I'm gone."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-07-2004 03:03 AM                        Rated G Our courtship had just begun,and Roger impressed me with his honesty and simple values.The way he acted on our third date made me believe he found me as appealing as I did him,for he edged closer to me as the evening progressed. Finally,he blurted,"I love that smell." "Evening in Paris?" I smiled coyly. "No," he murmured as he buried his face in my shoulder."Fresh laundry."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-07-2004 04:34 AM                        Rated G Denny in Yonkers Deep Thought for the Day: For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" Here's an update for you. Nowadays 50% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize its not worth buying an entire pig, just to get a little sausage.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-04-2004 12:27 PM                        Rated PG LAS in CT The Zipper A man walked into a supermarket with his zipper down. A lady cashier walked up to him and said "Your barracks door is open." This is not a phrase men normally use, so he went on his way looking a bit puzzled. When he was about done shopping, a man came up and said "Your fly is open." He zipped up and finished his shopping. He then intentionally got in the line to check out where the lady was that told him about his barracks door. He was planning to have a little fun with her. When he reached her counter he said, "When you saw my barracks door open did you see a soldier standing in there at attention?" The lady (being smarter than a man) thought for a moment and said, "No, no I didn't. All I saw was a disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-16-2004 01:37 PM                        Rated G Lorraine I ran short of money while visiting my brother, and borrowed $50 from him. After my return home,I wrote him a short letter every few weeks, enclosing a $5 check in each one. He called me up and told me how much he enjoyed the letters, regardless of the money; I had never written regularly before. Eventually I sent off a letter and the last five-dollar check. In my mail box the next week I found an envelope from my brother. Inside was another $50.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-24-2004 11:27 AM                        Rated G A woman slips on a fresh piece of cow manure. She gets up only to see a man slip on the same piece. "I did that!" To which he replies, "Well, next time clean it up."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-16-2004 09:47 AM                        Rated PG Phil in CA or TX A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday,and as they had not been dating very long,after careful consideration he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: Romantic but not too personal.Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister,he went to a dept.store and bought a pair of white gloves.The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself.During the wrapping,the Clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents,the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note: "I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister,I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons but she wears short ones that are easier to remove.These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they are hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart.I wish I were there to put them on for you the first time as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.When you take them off,remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little dampfrom wearing.Just think how many times I will kiss them during thecoming year! I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night." All my love. P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-02-2004 09:06 AM                        Rated G Michele "I have to tell the truth," Mark said to Michelle. "While we've been dating, I've been secretly seeing a psychiatrist." "Don't worry about it," said Michelle. "I've been secretly seeing a lawyer and a car salesman."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-02-2004 10:36 AM                        Rated G All John asked for was a little good-night kiss, but Jill haughtily rebuffed him with, "I don't do that sort of thing on my first date!" "Well," John replied with sarcasm, "how about on your last date?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-22-2004 09:42 AM                        Rated G Bruce EYE CONTACT: A method utilized by a single woman to communicate to a man that she is interested in him. Despite being advised to do so,many women have difficulty looking a man directly in the eyes,not necessarily due to the shyness,but usually due to the fact that a woman's eyes are not located in her chest.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-23-2004 08:27 AM                        Rated G Lorraine "Dance is the only sport I know,where a man can touch a woman over most parts of her body,and she thanks you for it afterwords."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-26-2004 08:22 PM                        Rated R Ed in Aurora,Ont. A chicken farmer went into a local tavern and took a seat at the bar next to a woman patron and orders a glass of champagne. The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne too!" He turned to her and said, "What a coincidence."He continued, "This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating." "This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating!" says the woman. "What a coincidence." says the man. They clinked glasses and he sked,"What are you celebrating?" "My husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!" What a coincidence." says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile." "That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?" "I switched cocks," he replied. "What a coincidence," she said.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-15-2004 01:13 PM                        Rated G A man asked his neighbor how he kept his car looking so nice and glossy. The neighbor replied that his wife gave him all her worn out panties and he used these to polish his car with. Being a bachelor, he decided to ask his stenographer for some of hers, so one day at the office he asked: "By the way, Miss Jones, what do you do with your panties when you wear them out?" Why?" she replied demurely, "If I can find them afterwards, I put them back on again."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-30-2004 07:37 AM                        Rated PG Denny in Yonkers When he found out he was going to inherit afortune when his sickly, widowed father died, Charles decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. So one evening, he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. I may look like just an ordinary man," he said, as he walked up to her,"but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars." The woman went home with Charles that evening ...... and the next day, she became his stepmother. Women are so much smarter. When will men ever learn?  |  IP: Logged

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