It's not hard to tell we was poor when you saw the toilet paper dryin' on the clothesline.

Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.

If I didn't have a job taking up all of my time, I'd devote my every waking hour to serving the needy -- which would mean I'd be out looking for a job.

I wanted to be an atheist, but I gave it up. They have no holidays. --

"One man that has a mind and knows it, can always beat 10 men who haven't and don't."

"A woman is like a teabag - yu never know how strong she is until she gets into hot water."

"It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up."

"I don't mind the rat race, but I could do with a little more cheese."

"Experience is one thing you can't get for nothing."

"Don't worry about people stealing an idea. If it's original, you will have to ram it down their throats."

"I got a lot of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck."

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline; It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.