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Author Topic: Famous Quotes Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-16-2005 01:32 PM                        Rated G "Evander Holyfield was shocked to hear that Mike Tyson was retiring from boxing. He said, 'Tyson quitting? I can't believe my ear!'" ~~Jay Leno  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-25-2005 06:09 AM                        Rated G "A man never stands as tall as when he kneels to help a child." Knights of Pythagoras  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-29-2005 01:49 PM                        Rated G "If you ever find a fork in the road of life .....don't eat off it." ~~Anon.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-05-2005 04:52 PM                        Rated G "Do you know what week this is in our public schools? I'm not making this up: this week is "National no name calling week". They don't want any name calling in public schools. What stupid dork came up with this idea?" ~~Jay Leno  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-12-2005 05:36 AM                        Rated G "Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone" ~~Anon.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-22-2005 12:54 PM                        Rated G Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself lillian have remained a virgin." - Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter) I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall." - Eleanor Roosevelt Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement. - Mark Twain The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. - George Burns Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce. - Mark Twain By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx My wife slght impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things. - Jilly Cooper I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. - Zsa Zsa Gabor Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. - Alex Levine Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing.It was here first. - Mark Twain My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. - Ed Furgol Money can't buy you happiness... but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. - Spike Milligan What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money. - Henny Youngman I am opposed to millionaires... but it would be dangerous to offer me the position. - Mark Twain Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was shut up. - Joe Namath Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. - Herbert Henry Asquith I don't feel old.I don't feel anything until noon.Then it's time for my nap. - Bob Hope I never drink water because of the disgusting thing that fish do in it. - WC. Fields We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. - Will Rogers Don't worry about avoiding temptation... as you grow older, it will avoid you. - Winston Churchill Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty.. but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. - Phyllis Diller The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good spit it out. - Unknown By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. - Billy Crystal  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-11-2005 07:51 AM                        Rated G One day on the set of Alfred Hitchcock's Lifeboat (1944), Mary Anderson, eager to perform to the best of her ability, asked the director which side he considered to be her best. Hitchcock replied without looking up: "My dear," he declared, "you're sitting on it."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-13-2005 02:19 AM                        Rated G "Some of the world's greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible." ~~Doug Larson  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-13-2005 02:34 AM                        Rated G "One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is." ~~Erma Bombeck  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-14-2005 06:44 AM                        Rated G "When my wife has sex with me there's always a reason. One night she used me to time an egg." ~~Rodney Dangerfield  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-17-2005 06:51 AM                        Rated G "A pat on the back, though only a few vertebrae removed from a kick in the pants, is miles ahead in results." -- Author unknown  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-17-2005 07:01 AM                        Rated G "Won't you come into the garden? I would like my roses to see you." ~~(Richard Brinsley Sheridan...1751-1816)  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-17-2005 02:38 PM                        Rated PG "I want to die before my wife, and the reason is this: If is is true that when you die, your soul goes up to judgment,I don't want my wife up there ahead of me to tell them things."- --Bill Cosby  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-17-2005 02:43 PM                        Rated G "My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father." ~~Anon.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-22-2005 02:35 PM                        Rated G "When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the government of my own country. I make up for lost time when I come home." -- Sir Winston Churchill  |  IP: Logged

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