my profile | my password | search | faq & rules | forum home

» Film-Tech Forum ARCHIVE   » Community   » Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon   » Famous Quotes (Page 51)

This topic comprises 69 pages: 1  2  3  ...  48  49  50  51  52  53  54  ...  67  68  69

Author Topic: Famous Quotes Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-03-2003 03:01 PM                        Rated G Last week I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen.I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement. Mark Twain Santa Claus has the right idea -- visit people only once a year. Victor Borge What would men be without women? Scarce,sir,mighty scarce. Mark Twain My wife has a slight impediment in her speech -- every now and then she stops to breathe. Jimmy Durante The male is a domestic animal which,if treated with firmness and kindness,can be trained to do most things. Jilly Cooper Don't go around saying the world owes you a living.The world owes you nothing.It was here first. Mark Twain My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery,people would stop dying. Ed Furgol Money can't buy you happiness,but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. Spike Milligan What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money. Henny Youngman I am opposed to millionaires,but it would be dangerous to offer me the position. Mark Twain Until I was thirteen,I thought my name was 'shut up'. Joe Namath Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. Herbert Henry Asquith A woman drove me to drink -- and I hadn't even the courtesy to thank her. W.C. Fields I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. W.C. Fields It takes only one drink to get me drunk.The trouble is,I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth. George Burns  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-04-2003 06:07 AM                        Rated G . . . When women go wrong, men go right after them. --Mae West " You might not always get what you want, but you always get what you expect." --Charles H. Spurgeon " To achieve the impossible, one must think the absurd; to look where everyone else has looked, but to see what no one else has seen." --Unknown " It takes less time to do a thing right, than it does to explain why you did it wrong." --Henry Wadsworth Longfellow  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-08-2003 10:25 AM                        Rated G "They wanted fifteen bucks a square yard for carpeting.I am not going to pay that. So what I did,I bought two square yards and when I go home I strap them to my feet." --Steve Martin  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-09-2003 08:34 AM                        Rated G "A successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him or her. " -- David Brinkley  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-17-2003 10:01 AM                        Rated G "Be suspiscious of any doctor who tries to take your temperature with his finger." -- David Letterman  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-05-2004 11:39 AM                        Rated G Submitted by Michele "The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but the fly comes damn close." --Mark Twain  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-06-2004 06:42 AM                        Rated G "My husband says, 'Roseanne, don't you think we ought to talk aboutour sexual problems?'Like I'm gonna turn off Wheel of Fortune for that." -- Roseanne Barr  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-06-2004 08:34 AM                        Rated G "Do all the good you can by all the means you can in all the ways you can in all the places you can to all the people you can as long as you ever can." -- John Wesley  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-07-2004 05:12 PM                        Rated G "Women need a reason to have sex.Men just need a place." --Billy Crystal  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-08-2004 01:25 PM                        Rated G "Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city." -- George Burns  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-13-2004 08:40 AM                        Rated G "NASA said the rover on Mars discovered a muddy black liquid. If it's oil, some little green men are about to get their asses kicked." -- Craig Kilborn  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-23-2004 05:50 AM                        Rated G George Bernard Shaw sent the following invitation to Winston Churchill: "Have two tickets for my first night.Come with a friend,if you have one - Shaw." "Impossible to come to first night.Will come second night,if you have one - Churchill."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-05-2004 11:34 AM                        Rated G "New book out called,'Are You Normal.' According to the book, 76% of guys would rather watch an important football game than have sex. The other 24% said that's what half-time is for." -- Jay Leno  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-10-2004 12:35 PM                        Rated G "My initial response was to sue her for defamation of character, but then I realized that I had no character." -- Charles Barkley on hearing Tonya Harding proclaim herself the Charles Barkley of figure skating.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-25-2004 12:33 PM                        Rated G "Always do sober what you said you would do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut." --Darius Denning  |  IP: Logged

All times are Central (GMT -6:00)

This topic comprises 69 pages: 1  2  3  ...  48  49  50  51  52  53  54  ...  67  68  69

Printer-friendly view of this topic

Hop To: Select a Forum: Category: Operations -------------------- Digital Cinema Forum Film Handlers' Forum Large Format Forum Ground Level Feature Info, Trailer Attachments & REAL Credit Offsets Category: Community -------------------- Film-Yak Film Handlers' Movie Reviews The Afterlife Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon Category: Classified -------------------- Equipment and Supplies Wanted/For Sale Help Wanted/Seeking Employment Category: System -------------------- Software Beta Testing Forum

The Film-Tech Forums are designed for various members related to the cinema industry to express their opinions, viewpoints and testimonials on various products, services and events based upon speculation, personal knowledge and factual information through use, therefore all views represented here allow no liability upon the publishers of this web site and the owners of said views assume no liability for any ill will resulting from these postings. The posts made here are for educational as well as entertainment purposes and as such anyone viewing this portion of the website must accept these views as statements of the author of that opinion and agrees to release the authors from any and all liability.