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Author Topic: Men vs, Women & vice-versa Gordon Bachlund Jedi Master Film Handler Posts: 696 From: Monrovia, CA, USA Registered: Aug 1999 posted 12-30-2016 01:53 PM                        Rated PG... A businessman in the first class cabin decided to chat up the drop dead, gorgeous flight attendant: “What is your name?” Flight Attendant: “Angela Benz, sir.” Businessman: “Lovely name ...any relation to Mercedes Benz?” Flight Attendant: “Yes sir, very close.” Businessman: “How close?” Flight Attendant: “Same price."  |  IP: Logged Rick Raskin Phenomenal Film Handler Posts: 1100 From: Manassas Virginia Registered: Jan 2003 posted 12-16-2017 04:33 PM                     This is a conversation between a husband and his wife. Please note that she asks five or six questions which he answered quite simply; but, then she is speechless after answering only one question. l bet this happens more often than not to most husbands out there. Woman: Do you drink beer? Man: Yes. Woman: How many beers a day? Man: Usually about three. Woman: How much do you pay per beer? Man: $5..00 which includes a tip (this is where it gets scary!). Woman: And how long have you been drinking? Man: About 20 years, I suppose. Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have three beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 correct? Man: Correct. Woman: If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at $108,000 correct? Man: Correct. Woman: Do you know that if you didn’t drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought an airplane? Man: Do you drink beer? Woman: No. Man: Where is your airplane?  |  IP: Logged Gordon Bachlund Jedi Master Film Handler Posts: 696 From: Monrovia, CA, USA Registered: Aug 1999 posted 01-27-2018 12:32 PM                        Rated G...... The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, at Bar Harbor, Maine, a man answered his door to find two grim-faced Maine State Troopers. "We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife," said one of the troopers. "Tell me! Did you find her?" Wilkens asked. The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, "some good news, and some really great news, which would you like to hear first?" Fearing the worst, Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first." The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's dead body in the bay." "Oh my God!" exclaimed Wilkens. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What could possibly be the good news? The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 of the best looking Maine Lobsters that you have ever seen and 60 good-sized Rockfish clinging to her. Have not seen lobsters like that since the 1960s, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch." Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, then what is the great news?" The trooper replied, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow."  |  IP: Logged Gordon Bachlund Jedi Master Film Handler Posts: 696 From: Monrovia, CA, USA Registered: Aug 1999 posted 03-13-2018 12:47 PM                        Rated G..... A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow and is curious about his sudden change in 'fashion sense.' The man walks up to him and says, 'I didn't know you were into earrings.' 'Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring,' he replies sheepishly. His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, "So, how long have you been wearing one?" "Ever since my wife found it in my car."  |  IP: Logged Gordon Bachlund Jedi Master Film Handler Posts: 696 From: Monrovia, CA, USA Registered: Aug 1999 posted 11-17-2018 01:47 PM                        Rated G..... A woman ran a red traffic light and crashed into a man's car. Both of their cars were demolished but amazingly neither of them was hurt. After they crawled out of their cars, the woman said, "Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days." The man replied," I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished, but my bottle of 75 year old scotch didn't break. Surely God meant for us to drink this vintage delicacy and celebrate our good fortune." Then she handed the bottle to the man. The man nodded his head in agreement, opened it, drank half the bottle and then handed it back to the woman. The woman took the bottle, immediately put the cap back on, and handed it back to the man. The man asked, "Aren't you having any?" She replied, "Nah. I think I'll just wait for the police."  |  IP: Logged Gordon Bachlund Jedi Master Film Handler Posts: 696 From: Monrovia, CA, USA Registered: Aug 1999 posted 12-01-2018 10:00 PM                        Rated G... A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have oranges, please get 6. A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk." He replied, "They had oranges." If you're a woman, I'm sure you're going back to read it again! Men will get it the first time.  |  IP: Logged Gordon Bachlund Jedi Master Film Handler Posts: 696 From: Monrovia, CA, USA Registered: Aug 1999 posted 03-11-2019 12:18 PM                        Rated G... Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide. The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going." The young guy says, "That's OK, it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too... I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate." The old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her...what does she look like?" The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 years old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, is buxom...wearing no bra, long legs, and is wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?" To which the old guy says, "Doesn’t matter, let's look for yours."  |  IP: Logged Gordon Bachlund Jedi Master Film Handler Posts: 696 From: Monrovia, CA, USA Registered: Aug 1999 posted 07-28-2019 03:43 PM                        Rated G..... I was standing at the bar at the club one night minding my own business. This fat ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind, and said, "You're kinda cute. You gotta phone number?" I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?" She said, "Yeah, I got a pen." I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."  |  IP: Logged Gordon Bachlund Jedi Master Film Handler Posts: 696 From: Monrovia, CA, USA Registered: Aug 1999 posted 10-28-2019 01:12 PM                        Rated G...... I went to our club last night, and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table. I said, "Good legs." The woman giggled and said, "Do you really think so?" I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."  |  IP: Logged

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