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Author Topic: Men vs, Women & vice-versa Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-28-2006 12:50 PM                        Rated G Men in power always seem to get involved in sex scandals, but women don't even have a word for "male bimbo" Except maybe "senator".  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-28-2006 12:53 PM                        Rated G cutie pa2ti I was standing on a chair unscrewing a lightbuld when my husband asked if I was changing the bulb. I said, "No, I thought I'd stick my finger in the socket and give myself an new hair style."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-02-2006 11:18 AM                        Rated G Lorraine I'm constantly reminding my husband, Danny, to call and let me know where he is if he's going to be late getting home. I didn't realize how frustrated he was with my habit until we were discussing our wills with our lawyer. We told him we wanted to be cremated and our ashes spread. Our lawyer said he wanted that too, but his wife insisted that his ashes be buried. Immediately Danny said: "Women! They just have to know where you are all the time."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-03-2006 10:15 AM                        Rated PG Bruce ~ The Perfect Man ~ Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man who's not a creep. One who's handsome, smart and strong, And doesn't mind admitting when he's wrong, One who thinks before he speaks, When he promises to call, he won't wait two weeks. I pray that he is gainfully employed, And when I spend his cash he won't be annoyed & opens my door & begs to do more Oh, send me a man who will make love to my Mind, knows just what to say when I ask, " How Big is My Behind !?! " One who will kiss me till my body's twitchin', In the hall, the shower, the garden and the kitchen. I pray this man will love me to no end, and never attempts to date my best friend. And, as I kneel and pray by my bed ... I look at the Butt Head you sent me instead!!! ~ Amen ~  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-03-2006 08:41 PM                        Rated G "Q & A's" Q: What's the best form of birth control after 50? A: Nudity. Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? A: 45 lbs Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? A: 45 minutes. Q: How many women does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch. Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart? A: Through his chest with a sharp knife. Q: Why are men and parking spaces alike? A: Because all the good ones are taken and the only ones left are disabled. Q: Why do men want to marry virgins? A: They can't stand criticism. Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good looking? A: Because those men already have boyfriends. Q: What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? A: After a year, the dog is still excited to see you. Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? A: The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. Q: Why does the bride always wear white? A: Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-03-2006 08:59 PM                        Rated G " Responses To Men's Cheap Pick Up Lines " Man: "Haven't we met before?" Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic." Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore." Man: "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down." Man: "So, wanna go back to my place ?" Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?" Man: "Your place or mine?" Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine." Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?" Woman: "It's in the phone book." Man: "But I don't know your name." Woman: "That's in the phone book too." Man: "So what do you do for a living?" Woman: "I'm a female impersonator." Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Woman: "Do not Enter" Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?" Woman: "Unfertilized !" Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason" Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!" Man: "I'm here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy." Woman: "You mean you've got both a donkey and a Great Dane?" Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then please leave me alone." Man: "I want to give myself to you." Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts." Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy: Woman: "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing." Man: "Your body is like a temple." Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today." Man: "I'd go through anything for you." Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account." Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you. Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there? "  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-08-2006 02:27 PM                        Rated G Valerie What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it. What's the smartest thing a man can say? "My wife says..." What's the quickest way to a man's heart? Straight through the rib cage. Why can't men get mad cow disease? Because they're all pigs. How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one. What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner? A power failure.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-08-2006 03:14 PM                        Rated R Bruce We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between the two? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below. GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom , and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?" BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say: "You're next." I hope this clears up any confusion on the subject.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-09-2006 09:15 AM                        Rated G cutie pa2ti Do you know what is the best way for a guy to impress me at the gym? The best way is to do pull-ups...pull up in a Corvette Convertible, pull up in a Rolls-Royce, pull up in a Cadillac..  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-18-2006 02:31 PM                        Rated G Marriage Anonymous They have something now called Marriage Anonymous.When you feel like getting married,you call somebody and they send over a man in a dirty T-shirt who hasn't shaved in three days, smells like stale beer, and whines at you to make him a snack while he lies on the couch, emits various bodily gases and their accompanying noises, and watches football.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-19-2006 09:01 AM                        Rated G A guy noticed that his buddy was troubled and asked what was wrong. "Ohhh, it's my girlfriend." he said. "Oh yeah? What's the problem?" "When I asked her if she could learn to love me," he said, "she asked me how much I was willing to spend on her education."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-23-2006 10:44 AM                        Rated G Bruce Jill was out driving her car and while stopped at a red light, the car just died. It was a busy intersection and the traffic behind her grew quickly. The man in the car directly behind her started honking his horn continuously, as Jill continued trying to get the car to started again. Finally, Jill got out of her car and approached the man in the car behind her. She smiled and said to him, "I can't seem to get my car started. Would you be a sweetheart and go and see if you can get it started for me. I'll stay here in your car and lean on your horn for you."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-30-2006 09:36 AM                        Rated G Women have many faults. Men only have 2 Everything they say, And everything they do.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-30-2006 09:57 AM                        Rated G B.B. At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends. "The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. And stay home at night!" An old granny overheard and spoke up, "Honey, if that's all you want, get a TV!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-30-2006 10:37 AM                        Rated G B.B. Rice Preference The young woman really thought she'd been very patient, through a protracted period of dating with no talk of marriage. One night her steady boyfriend took her to a Chinese restaurant. As he perused the menu, he casually asked her, "So...how do you like your rice? Boiled? Steamed? or fried?" Without missing a beat, she looked over her menu at him and replied clearly, "Thrown."  |  IP: Logged

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