The florist's son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said "I bet I know what it is — it's some flowers!"

"That's right!" shouted the little boy.

Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift. She held it up, shook it and said "I bet I know what it is — it's a box of candy!"

"That's right!" shouted the little girl.

The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son. The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it.

"Is it wine?" she asked.

"No," the boy answered. The teacher touched another drop to her tongue.

"Is it champagne?" she asked.

"No," the boy answered.

''What is it?"

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Recycle Bin is labeled Outhouse
My Computer is called This Infernal Contraption
Dialup Networking is called Good Ol' Boys
Control Panel is known as the Dern Dashboard
Hard Drive is referred to as 4 wheel drive
Floppies are them little ole plastic disc thangs.

Other features:    Instead of an error message you get a winder covered with a garbage bag and duct tape.
OK = ats aww-right
cancel = hail no
reset = awa shoot
yes = shore
no = Naaaa
find = hunt-fer it
go to = over yonder
back = back yonder
help = hep me out here
stop = ternit off
start = crank it up
settings = sittins
programs = stuff that does stuff
documents = stuff I done done

    Also note that winders 98 does not recognize capital letters or punctuation marks.    Some programs that are exclusive to winders 98:
tiperiter................A word processor
colering book............a graphics program
addin mershene...........calculator
scratch paper ...........notepad
jupe-box ................CD Player
inner-net................Microsoft Explorer
pichers..................A graphics viewer
IRS......................M/S accounting software
IRS2.....................M/S accounting software with hidden files
coon dog.................American kennel club records
fishin...................Bass Anglers Sportsman Society records.
NRA......................National Rifle Association
shot gun ................Remington Arms price list
riffel...................Winchester price list
pisstel..................Smith & Wesson price list
truck....................Ford & Chevrolet dealers in GA. by zip code
house....................Nearest Mobil home repair service by zip code
car .....................same as truck, just need two lists in Texas
cuzzins..................family history usually a 3 meg file
tax records..............usually an empty file
shells...................ammunition inventory, another 3 meg file
bud......................list of Budwiser dealers by zip code
racin....................NASCAR racing schedule includes list of TV stations that carry the race car n' truck
Parts.......nearest Junk yard by zip code
doc .....................veterinarians by zip code

------------------
"It's not the years, honey...it's the mileage". Indiana Jones

He goes to Austin to claim it where the man verifies his ticket number.

The Redneck says, "I want my $20 million."

To which the man replied, "No sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today, and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years.

The Redneck said, "I want all my money RIGHT now! I won it, and I want it."

Again the man patiently explains that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.

A Redneck buys a ticket an' wins th' lottery

He goes t'Aestin t'claim it whar th' man vahifies his ticket number.

Th' Redneck says, "ah's hankerin' mah $20 million, as enny fool kin plainly see."

To which th' man replied, "No suh. It don't wawk thet way. We give yo' a million today, an' then yo'll git th' ress spread out fo' th' next 19 years.

Th' Redneck said, "ah's hankerin' all mah money RIGHT now! Fry mah hide! ah won it, an' ah's hankerin' it."

Agin th' man patiently explains thet he'd only git a million thet day an' th' ress durin' th' next 19 years.

Th' Redneck, furious wif th' man, screams out, "Look, ah WANT MY MONEY! Fry mah hide!! Fry mah hide! Eff'n yer not a-gonna gimme mah $20 million right now, THEN ah WANT MY DOLLAR BACK! Fry mah hide!''

Thank you. We now return you to your scheduled program.

------------------
"It's not th' years, honey...it's th' mileage!! Fry mah hide!" Indiana Jones

On his way to work he noticed that he had forgotten his lunch, so he went back to get it.

While at home, he decided to kiss his wife goodbye again, but he couldn't find her.

He went to the bedroom to see if she went back to bed, and he caught her in bed with his best friend.

He was so mad that he told his wife to pack her bags and get out.
His wife replied, ''What are you going to say to your best friend?''.

The man replied .'

ON A HAIR DRYER:
Do not use while sleeping.

ON A BAG OF FRITOS:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP:
Directions: Use like regular soap.

ON A FROZEN DINNER:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.

ON A HOTEL-PROVIDED SHOWER CAP:
Fits one head.

ON TESCO'S TIRAMISU DESERT:
Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)

ON MARKS & SPENCER BREAD PUDDING:
Product will be hot after heating.

ON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRON:
Do not iron clothes on body.

ON BOOTS CHILDRENS' COUGH MEDICINE:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.

ON NYTOL (A SLEEP AID):
Warning: may cause drowsiness.

ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE:
Warning keep out of children.

ON A STRING OF CHINESE MADE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS:
For indoor or outdoor use only.

ON A JAPANESE FOOD PROCESSOR:
Not to be used for the other use.

ON SAINSBURY'S PEANUTS:
Warning: contains nuts.

ON AN AMERICAN AIRLINES PACKET OF NUTS:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

$ If he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52,000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head.

$ If he goes to see a movie, it'll cost him $7.00, but he'll make $18,550 while he's there.

$ If he decides to have a 5 minute egg, he'll make $618 while boiling it.

$ He makes $7,415/hr more than minimum wage.

$ He'll make $3,710 while watching each episode of Friends.

$ If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX ($90,000) it would take him a whole 12 hours.

$ If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at the rate of $2.00 every second.

$ He'll probably pay around $200 for a nice round of golf, but will be reimbursed $33,390 for that round.

$ Assuming he puts the federal maximum of 15% of his income into a tax deferred account (401k), his contributions will hit the federal cap of $9500 at 8:30 a.m. on January 1st.

$ If you were given a penny for every 10 dollars he made, you 'd be living comfortably at $65,000 a year.

$ He'll make about $19.60 while watching the 100 meter dash in the Olympics, and about $15,600 during the Boston Marathon.

$ While the common person is spending about $20 for a meal in his trendy Chicago restaurant, he'll pull in about $5600.

$ This year, he'll make more than twice as much as all U.S. past presidents for all of their terms combined.

Amazing isn't it? However...

$ If Jordan saves 100% of his income for the next 450 years, he'll still have less than Bill Gates has today.

During the tour, some of the children needed to go to the toilet, so it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. As the teacher assigned to the boys waited outside the men's toilet, one of the boys came out and told her that he couldn't reach the urinal. Having no choice, the teacher went inside and began hoisting the little boys up by their armpits, one by one.

"I have just the thing," says the barber, taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum." The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes, the client asks in garbled speech "And what if I swallow it?"

"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does!"

She told him, "I want you to run outside as fast as you can. Run across the lawn and go behind the bushes. You can throw up behind the bushes and nobody will see you."

So Little Johnny hauled ass for the door. Less than a minute later, he returned to his seat next to his mom. He had the look of obvious relief on his young face.

"Did you make it all the way to the bushes, Johnny?"

Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it.

The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."

So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."

Your proof isn't very complete. A proof would include all steps used to arrive at the solution. What are the steps that were used to get from....

5^2 - 9 * 5 + 81/4 = 4^2 - 9 * 4 + 81/4

to...

(5 - 9/2)^2 = (4 - 9/2)^2

I guess that I am just not seeing it.

Anyways the real problem in the proof comes from here...

(5 - 9/2)^2 = (4 - 9/2)^2

to here...

5 - 9/2 = 4 - 9/2

When one takes a square root the equation only remains true when the absolute value is taken. So instead of...

5 - 9/2 = 4 - 9/2

it is...

abs(5 - 9/2) = abs(4 - 9/2)

Since you can't take an absolute value of an equation you must solve the equation inside the abs first. Leading us to...

abs(1/2) = abs(-1/2)

1/2 = 1/2

Therefore your proof is not mathematically correct.