A polish couple were delighted when their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end.
The adoption center called and told them that they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.

On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.]

After they filled out the forms, the registration clerk inquired, "What ever possessed you to study Russian?"

One day the sheriff sees Billy-bob walking around town with nothing on except his gun belt and his boots.

The sheriff says “Billy-bob, what are you doing walking around town dressed like that?”

Billy-bob replies “Well sheriff, it’s a long story!”

Sheriff says “I’m in no hurry, - so let’s hear it.”.

Billy-bob continues “Well sheriff, me and Mary-Lou was down on the farm and we started a cuddling. Mary-Lou said we should go in the barn and we did. Inside the barn we stated a kissing and a cuddling and things got pretty hot and heavy, well May-Lou said that we should go up on the hill. So we did. Up on the hill we started a kissing and a cuddling and then Mary-Lou took off all her clothes and said that I should do the same. Well, I took off all my clothes except my gun belt and my boots.

Two redneck guys go on a fishing trip.

They spend a fortune renting all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits,
the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods.

The first day they go fishing, but don’t catch anything.
The same thing happens on the second day and the third . This goes on until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.

While driving home One guy turns to the other ... “Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us nearly $1500?”

Two rednecks drive through a gas station to fill up their truck.

They notice a sign saying "Enter here for a chance at free sex!"

They wander inside and ask the attendant how to enter.

The attendant says that they have to guess a number between one and ten.

The first guy guesses five. The attendant says, "Sorry, but the number is eight."

The second guy guesses seven and the attendant says, "Sorry, but the number was three."

As the two rednecks drive away, one of them turns to the other and says, "You know, I think that contest was rigged."

A Polish guy has never had sex, and he gets into bed on his wedding night.

His wife gets naked, sits on the bed, and says, “Do you know what I want?”

He says, “No.”

She gets in bed, spreads her legs wide, and says, “Now do you know what I want?”

Two redneck wives were drinking tea and the one noticed that the other was pregnant.

"We don't have to worry about that!" said one, pointing to her friend's tummy.

"For years now we are using the 'Bucket and saucer' method of contraception."

"And what may that be?" asked the pregnant one.

Two vampires wanted to go out to eat, but were having a little trouble deciding where to go.

They were a little tired of the local food in Transylvania and wanted something a little more exotic.

After some discussion, they decided to go to Italy because they had heard that Italian food was really good.

So off they went to Italy, in bat form of course, and ended up in Venice.

On a bridge over one of the canals, they hid in the shadows and waited for dinner.

A few minutes later a young couple walking their way came to the bridge. As they neared, the vampires made their move. Each vampire grabbed a person, sucked them dry and tossed the remaining bodies into the canal below.

The vampires were extremely pleased with their Italian meal and decided to have seconds.

Another young couple approached a few minutes later and suffered the same fate as the first -- sucked dry and tossed into the canal below.

Our vampire friends are now fairly full but decide to have dessert.

In a short while a third young couple provides just that.

As with the first two couples, these people were also sucked dry and tossed over the rail into the canal.

The vampires decided that they had had a marvelous dinner but that it was time to head back home.

As they started to walk away they began to hear some singing.

They were puzzled because no one else was on the bridge.

As they listened, they realize that it was coming from the canal. They looked over the rail and saw a big alligator in the water under the bridge, feasting on the bodies.

1. A menstrual cycle has three wheels. True or False 

2. Asphalt describes rectal problems. True or False 

3. Masturbate is used to catch large fish. True or False 

4. Fetus is a character on Gunsmoke. True or False 

5. Erection is when Japanese people vote. True or False 

6. Spread Eagle is an extinct bird. True or False 

7. The clitoris is a type of flower. True or False 

8. A G-string is part of a fiddle. True or False 

9. A pubic hair is a wild rabbit. True or False 

10. KOTEX is a radio station in Cincinnati.True or False 

11. Coitus is a musical instrument. True or False 

YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF.....

10• You list your parole officer as a reference.

9• Your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.

8• You use the O on a stop sign to sight your new rifle. 

7• You use a 55 Chevy as a guest house. 

6• Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap.

5• The Salvation Army declines your mattress.

4• People are scared to touch your wife's bathrobe. 

3• The directions to your house include "turn off the paved road".

2• The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when he visits your house

The Ten Commandments (In Ebonics)

1. I be God. Don' be dissing me.

2. Don' be makin hood ornaments outa me or nothin in my crib.

3. Don' be callin me for no reason - homey don' play that.

4. Y'all betta be in church on Sundee.

5. Don' dis ya mama ... an if ya know who ya daddy is, don' dis him neither.

6. Don' ice ya bros.

7. Stick to ya own woman.

8. Don' be liftin no goods.

9. Don' be frontin like you all that an no snitchin on ya homies.

Did you hear about the Instant lotto game in India?

A redneck truck driver is driving east on Route 66 he sees a truck driving west, and the CB crackles to life" Hey, redneck driver, who's the two biggest faggots in America?" 

The redneck replies, "I don't know." The other trucker says " You and your brother."

Well the redneck gets all pissed off, but the other driver tells him, "Its just a joke, tell it to the next truck you see."

So the redneck drives for about an hour and finally sees another truck.

He gets on the CB and says, "Hey, other truck, do you know who the two biggest fags in the world are?" 

The other trucker says, "I don't know, who?" 

An Arkansas hillbilly came to town carrying a jug of moonshine in one hand and a shotgun in the other.

He stopped a man on the street, saying to him "Here friend, take a drink outta my jug."

The man protested, saying he never drank.

The hillbilly leveled his shotgun at the stranger and commanded "Drink!"

The stranger drank, shuddered, shook, shivered and coughed. "Gee! that's awful stuff you've got there."

"Ain't it, though?" replied the hillbilly.

A news reporter decided to do a column on old Southern stories.

He goes to the hills of Kentucky and finds an old guy sitting on his porch.

''Do you have any stories you can share with me?''

The old guy says, ''Of course I do. One time old Bob's goat got loose, so we set up a search team to find it. We sat around and had a few beers and then went looking for it. We found it, then we all screwed it.

'' ''Well I can't put a story like that in the paper. Do you have any others - maybe a happy story?'' asked the reporter.

''Sure do,'' said the man, ''One time old Bubba's cow got loose. We set up a search party to find it. Once again, we had a few beers, looked for the cow, then we screwed it when we found it.'' '

'Well, I can't put that in the paper either. Do you have any sad stories?''