These two country boys, brothers, were knocking around one lazy summer day and thought it would be a good prank to push over the outhouse. They crept up from an advantageous direction like a couple of commandos, pushed the outhouse over on one side and headed for the woods. They circled round and returned home an hour later from a completely different direction trying to divert suspicion from themselves.

Upon returning, their father approached them with switch in hand and bellowed, "Did you two push the outhouse over this afternoon?"

The older boy replied, "As learned in school, I cannot tell a lie. Yes, Father, we pushed over the outhouse this afternoon."

At this revelation, the farmer proceeded to flail the two boys severely and sent them to bed without supper.

In the morning, the two boys meekly approached the breakfast table and took their seats. Everything was quiet until their father finally said, "Have you two learned your lesson?"

"Sure, Dad!" said the big brother, "But, in school we learned that George Washington admitted to HIS father that he'd chopped down a cherry tree and he was forgiven because he told the truth."

Two rednecks are walking down the street.

One of them looks over and sees a dog licking himself on the sidewalk.

He turns to the other redneck and says, "Hey look at that dog, don't you wish you could do that?"

Lorraina Bobbit was really very upset at the actions of her husband so she cut off his penis. Below is the part of the story that you may not have heard yet....

After she cut his dick off, she left the house with his cock in hand.

She got in her car and headed down the highway. Realizing what she had done, and realizing that she still had the swollen bloody cock of her husband in her hand, she tossed it out the window.

The penis flew out and was taken by the wind. It hit the windshield of the truck that was behind her.

Inside the truck, there were two rednecks that were in from a hunting trip.

As the cock hit the window one turns to the other and says, "Hey Billy Ray..."

"What Cletus?"

You might be a Redneck Jedi if...

You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."

Your Jedi robe is camouflage.

You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.

At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.

You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.

You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.

The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.

Wookies are offended by your B.O.

You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.

You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.

Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the dark side... it'll be a hoot."

You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.

You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.

You ever fantasized about Princess Leah wearing Daisy Duke shorts.

You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.

Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.

You have a cousin who seems to bear a vey strong resemblance to Chewbacca.

You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with redwood deck.

You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene.

Two redneck wives were drinking tea and the one noticed that the other was pregnant.

"We don't have to worry about that!" said one, pointing to her friend's tummy.

For years now we are using the 'Bucket and saucer' method of contraception."

"And what may that be?" asked the pregnant one.

"You see, my husband is quite short. So we do it standing up and he stands on a bucket to reach.

There were these two rednecks that went away on their annual hunting expedition, and by accident one was shot by the other.

His worried companion got him out of the deep woods, into the car, and off to the nearest hospital.

"Well, Doc," he inquired anxiously, "is he going to make it?"

The redneck farmer was disturbed when he found out his son was masturbating several times a day out in the barn.

"Boy, you gotta quit that! Go out and get yourself a wife."

So the boy went out and found himself a pretty young girl, to whom he got married.

But a week or so after the wedding, the farmer found his son "choking the chicken" again.

"You crazy boy!" he yelled, "That Elli-Mae is a fine young gal!"

Polish Terrorists

In an apparent copycat terrorist act, Polish terrorists Stanley and Lech

Binladenski have hijacked a Goodyear Blimp.

Ma and Pa are sitting out on the front porch one day.

"You know what? Junior's 21. It's time we taught him about sex.

Junior, get out here!". Junior runs out. 'Junior, I think it's time to teach you about sex." "
Sex," says Junior. "What's sex?"

"Well," Pa says. "Take off your clothes, Ma." So Ma takes off her clothes. "You see that hole in Ma?

Watch this." Pa starts doing her right there on the porch.

A little while goes by and Junior's younger brother, Bubba comes out on the porch and asks what's going on.

"Ma and Pa are teaching me about sex." "Sex? What's sex?" "See that hole in Pa?

How can you tell if a Texas redneck is married?

Three hoboes were walking down the railroad tracks, when the first one spoke up. "See that spot over there?" said the first. "That's my lucky spot. I found ten dollars over there, and used the money to buy some Ripple."

"That's nothing!" said the second hobo. "I found twenty dollars right over there", he said, pointing to another spot near the tracks. "And I bought myself a case of beer and got drunker than hell!"

After a few minutes of walking, the third hobo spoke up. "I got you both beat. Right here, I found a woman tied up on the tracks, so I untied her and we had sex all day long!"

"Wow, that's incredible said the other two hobo's. Was she a blonde, Brunette, or Redhead?"

You Might be a Redeck if....

•Your house still has the "Wide Load" sign on the back.

•You've married 3 times and still have the same in-laws.

•Taking the wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.

•You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.

•You own a homemade fur coat.

•You have every episode of Hee-Haw on tape.

Why don't they teach sex education to rednecks?
The farm animals can't handle it.

What do you call a redneck and his sister?
A marriage waiting to happen.

How many rednecks does it take to eat a possum?

A hill country husband died and left everything to his wife.

Proof that you are a well-bred red neck:

1. If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip on the side.

2. If the biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.

3. If your working T.V. sits on top of your non-working T.V.

4. If you thought the Unabomber was a wrestler.

5. If you've ever used your ironing board as a buffet table...

6. If you think a quarter horse is that ride out in front of the K-Mart.

7. If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home.

8. If a tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 dollars worth of improvement.

9. If you've ever used a toilet brush as a back scratcher.

10. If you've ever asked the preacher "How's it hangin?"

11. If you missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.

12. If you think fast food is hitting a deer at 65mph.

13. If somebody tells you that you've got something in your teeth and you take them out to see what it is.

14. If you've ever stared at a can of orange juice because it said concentrate.