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Author Topic: The Military Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-09-2006 09:32 AM                        Rated G Judi My husband had been stationed in Europe and away from home for what seemed like years when I went for my annual gynecological checkup. My doctor asked the usual questions, including what I was using for birth control. I gave the only possible response I could: "The Atlantic Ocean."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-11-2006 11:32 AM                        Rated G v You have reached the Strategic Air Command Nuclear Missile Storage Facility. We are unable to come to the phone right now. At the tone, please leave your name, number, and target or list of targets, and we'll launch as soon as we can. And have a nice day.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-01-2006 11:00 AM                        Rated G B.B. During basic training for the Army Nurse Corps, we were required to spend one week in the field roughing it. It rained the entire week. We arose daily in our swampy tent, took a cold-water beauty bath from our helmets, donned our pistol belts and ponchos, and trudged through the mud to set up field hospitals. Obviously, our personal appearance frequently left much to be desired. The final blow to our feminine pride occurred while we waited in the mess line in the mud and rain. A young private came by with a camera and asked to take our picture. "It will prove to my girl," he said, "that she has NO reason to be jealous!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-13-2006 04:33 PM                        Rated G Just after I had been promoted to Lieutenant, I was sent to the newly renovated naval headquarters. The phone numbers had all been changed, and I used the most up-to-date phone directory to call the administration clerk at another office. To my surprise, the phone was answered with a simple "Hello." "Is that any way to answer a military phone?" I demanded. "Oh, excuse me," he apologized. "Good morning, Maritime Command Headquarters. Admiral speaking."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-14-2006 10:08 AM                        Rated G B.B. Our Army physical-training program requires us to run two miles every other day in platoon formation. Being somewhat older than the other soldiers, I have trouble running faster than a ten-minute mile. During a recent run, I was finding it difficult to complete the two miles without stopping, so I raised my hands high above my head to expand my diaphragm and gain my second wind. Suddenly I heard a voice from behind me say, "Forget it, sergeant, we don't take prisoners."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-16-2006 10:16 AM                        Rated G Hot Mama Tiring of the same old buzz cut from the base barber at Fort Dix, New Jersey, I went into town to get my haircut. The hairdresser noticed my accent and asked where I was from. "Trinidad," I said. "Is that in Arabia?" "The Caribbean." She laughed, "Sorry, I never was very good at geometry."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-23-2006 11:21 AM                        Rated G Lorraine As our flight from Heathrow Airport landed in New York, the gentleman sitting next to me was telling me about his wartime experiences as a paratrooper. "What outfit were you in?" I asked. "Usually just a camouflaged jumpsuit," he replied.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-24-2007 04:10 PM                        Rated G Hank in Simi Valley Two Iraqi spies met in a busy restaurant after they had successfully slipped into the U.S. The first spy starts speaking in Arabic. The second spy hushes him quickly and whispers: "Don't blow our cover. You're in America now, speak Spanish."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-28-2007 08:52 AM                        Rated G Lorraine At the Russian War College, the general is a guest lecturer and tells the class of officers that the session will focus on potential problems and the resulting strategies. One of the officers in the class begins by asking the first question, "Will we have to fight a World War Three?" "Yes, comrades, looks like you will," answers the general. "And who will be our enemy, Comrade General?" another officer asks. "The likelihood is that it will be China." The class looks alarmed, and finally one officer asks, "But Comrade General, we are 150 million people and they are about 1.5 billion. How can we possibly win?" "Well," replies the general, "Think about it. In modern war, it is not the quantity, but the quality that is the key. For example, in the Middle East, 5 million Jews fight against 50 million Arabs, and the Jews have been the winners every time." "But sir," asks the panicky officer, "Do we have enough Jews"?  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-18-2007 01:14 PM                        Rated G My six-year-old son was very inquisitive in the days leading up to Veterans Day after seeing many decorated veterans about the town selling poppies. Together we looked through some books and talked about the sacrifice so many people had made so that he could live in the USA. After several days of this, Brandon finally felt he had it pretty well figured out. Driving home after a Veterans Day service at school, Brandon said: "Okay, I understand that many young men went overseas and fought in the war. And I understand that some children never got to see their fathers. But one thing I don't understand is...Where did the foxes go while the men were using their holes?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-23-2007 11:22 AM                        Rated G the little woman A young man wasn't thrilled when he received his draft notice and thought a few well-placed answers could help him fail the physical. Doctor: What do you see on that wall over there? Young Man: What wall? Doctor: Great! You just passed the hearing test.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-24-2007 12:17 PM                        Rated G Lorraine After a few rough years, my cousins and their son Jim decided it'd be best if he tried the rigid structure of the military. Since he'd never been one for following rules, we wondered how he'd adjust. It wasn't long before we got our answer. Once he'd completed basic training, he took a two-day drive across the country to his new assignment. Midmorning on the second day, my cousin was surprised to receive a call from his son, who was still at his hotel. "Why aren't you on the road yet?" he asked. "Well, I'm all ready to go, Dad," Jim replied, "but the sign on the door says, 'Checkout at 11 a.m.'"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-24-2007 12:19 PM                        Rated G Lorraine While being transported to basic training as a new enlistee of the Air National Guard, I accidentally opened a parachute in the rear of the C-47. The plane was piloted by a major and a captain, and I felt intimidated as I opened the cockpit door to confess what I had done. Expecting to be severely chastised, I was surprised by the captain's calm response. "Well, son," he said, "if this plane goes down, that chute is yours."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-25-2007 04:36 PM                        Rated G Lorraine After joining the Air Force, my husband underwent a physical. During the exam, it was discovered that, due to a bum shoulder, he couldn't fully extend his arms above his head. Perplexed, the doctor conferred with another physician. "Let him pass," said the second doctor. "I don't see any problems unless he has to surrender."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-25-2007 04:40 PM                        Rated G Lorraine Gen. George Armstrong Custer is buried on the grounds of the United States Military Academy at West Point. Since I was driving through the area, I decided to pay my respects. At the gate, the distracted young MP put down his book, checked my ID and asked the purpose of my visit. I explained that I was there to visit General Custer. As he picked up his book, he asked, "And is the general expecting you?"  |  IP: Logged

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