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Author Topic: Aviation Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-29-2008 12:57 PM                        Rated XXXX On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual and to greet the passengers. He tells them at what altitude they’ll be flying, the expected arrival time, and a bit about the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight.. Then, forgetting to turn off the microphone, he says to his co-pilot, "What would relax me right now is a cup of coffee and a blowjob." All the passengers hear it. As a stewardess immediately begins to run toward the cockpit to tell the pilot of his slip-up, one of the passengers stops her and says "Don’t forget the coffee!"  |  IP: Logged System Notices Forum Watchdog / Soup Nazi Posts: 215 Registered: Apr 2004 posted 03-05-2013 06:40 PM                 It has been 1588 days since the last post.  |  IP: Logged Gordon Bachlund Jedi Master Film Handler Posts: 696 From: Monrovia, CA, USA Registered: Aug 1999 posted 03-05-2013 06:40 PM                        Rated G... During a commercial airline flight an experienced Air Force Fighter Pilot was seated next to a young mother with a babe in arms. When the baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing the infant as discreetly as possible. The pilot pretended not to notice, and, upon disembarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related items. When the young mother expressed her gratitude, the pilot responded, "Gosh, that's a good looking baby, and he sure was hungry!" Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said that the time spent on the breast would help alleviate the pressure in the baby's ears. The Air Force Pilot sadly shook his head, and in true pilot fashion exclaimed, "And all these years, I've been chewing gum."  |  IP: Logged System Notices Forum Watchdog / Soup Nazi Posts: 215 Registered: Apr 2004 posted 11-04-2018 05:27 PM                 It has been 2069 days since the last post.  |  IP: Logged Gordon Bachlund Jedi Master Film Handler Posts: 696 From: Monrovia, CA, USA Registered: Aug 1999 posted 11-04-2018 05:27 PM                        Rated G.... A Boeing 777 wide-body jetliner was lumbering along at 800km/hour at 33,000 feet when a cocky F-16 fighter jet flashed by at Mach 2. The F-16 pilot decided to show off. On his state of the art radio that is part of his state of the art 3D & million dollar headset, the F-16 youngster told the 777 pilot, “Hey Captain, watch this!” He promptly went into a barrel roll, followed by a steep, unimaginable, vertical climb. He then finished with a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier, as the F-16 screamed down at impossible G’s before levelling at almost sea level. The F-16 pilot asked the 777 pilot what he thought of that? The 777 pilot said, “That was truly impressive, but watch this!” The 777 chugged along for about 5 minutes at the steady 800km/hour, and then the 777 pilot came back on and said, “What did you think of that?” Puzzled, the cocky F-16 pilot asked, “What the heck did you do?” The 777 pilot chuckled and said, "I stood up, stretched my legs, walked to the back, used the toilet, then got a cup of coffee and a cinnamon roll and secured a date for the next 3 nights in a five star hotel paid for by the company"  |  IP: Logged Gordon Bachlund Jedi Master Film Handler Posts: 696 From: Monrovia, CA, USA Registered: Aug 1999 posted 10-03-2019 01:18 PM                        Rated G.....  |  IP: Logged Gordon Bachlund Jedi Master Film Handler Posts: 696 From: Monrovia, CA, USA Registered: Aug 1999 posted 10-03-2019 01:21 PM                        Rated G..... A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers, when suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS." The agent replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first; and then I'm sure we'll be able to work something out." The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?" Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention, please?", she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him with his identity, please come to Gate 14." With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United Airlines agent, gritted his teeth, and said, "Oh screw You!" Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry sir, but you'll have to get in line for that, too."  |  IP: Logged

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