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Author Topic: Aviation Paul Mayer Oh get out of it Melvin, before it pulls you under! Posts: 3836 From: Albuquerque, NM Registered: Feb 2000 posted 05-22-2006 12:11 PM                        Rated G from today's AVwebflash Short Final There's a club for that, too... An exchange overheard between an Australian charter company and ATC. In mid-April the company was flying a DC-3 carrying a wedding party at 2000 feet over Sydney harbour while the nuptials took place. The flight's pilot made sure ATC was aware and ready to coordinate a return to the airport... DC-3: ...and, Sydney, we'll soon be finished with the ceremony and looking for a higher altitude for the return. [soon after] DC-3: ...So that's it. He does, she does, and that much is done. ATC: Very well. [pause] You're cleared for the return at 5280 feet. (Laughing) And tell them to make it snappy.  |  IP: Logged Paul Mayer Oh get out of it Melvin, before it pulls you under! Posts: 3836 From: Albuquerque, NM Registered: Feb 2000 posted 06-12-2006 05:18 PM                        Rated G from today's AVwebflash Short Final Another day at customs... I was returning to the US with my neice. The week before, a friend had flown the plane into a local grass strip and there was still mud and residue on the fuselage. As customs agents inspected the plane, one officer asked about the dirt and commented, "I gotta say, that's the first time I've seen grass on the outside of the airplane."  |  IP: Logged Paul Mayer Oh get out of it Melvin, before it pulls you under! Posts: 3836 From: Albuquerque, NM Registered: Feb 2000 posted 06-27-2006 06:20 PM                        Rated G from today's AVwebflash Short Final With age comes wisdom... Overheard while flying the Philly Class B: PHL Tower: US Air 123 cleared to land Runway 27R. US Air 123: Cleared to land runway 26R. PHL Tower: I wish we had a 26R. But you are cleared to land runway 27R. US Air 123: Apologies, sir. Realized the mistake as it left my mouth and wished I could have taken it back. PHL Tower: Understood. Something like that ended my first marriage. Unknown: ... All of our first marriages.  |  IP: Logged Paul Mayer Oh get out of it Melvin, before it pulls you under! Posts: 3836 From: Albuquerque, NM Registered: Feb 2000 posted 08-09-2006 12:03 AM                        Rated G from today's AVwebflash Short Final Slow day at ABQ... DEP: ... Airliner123 cleared as filed to the Atlanta airport, climb and maintain FL330. 123: (after readback) Wish you worked Atlanta, we always get a stairstep out of there. DEP: That's why they call us "controllers." 123: I already have a wife.  |  IP: Logged Paul Mayer Oh get out of it Melvin, before it pulls you under! Posts: 3836 From: Albuquerque, NM Registered: Feb 2000 posted 09-13-2006 10:01 AM                        Rated G from today's AVwebflash Short Final Thanks for the support... I made a pretty nice landing in my Husky at San Antonio International last week with 20 knots across the runway. On rollout, the controller and I had the following conversation: Controller: That was a pretty stiff crosswind. Me: Yeah, I was looking for "10" cards up in the tower cab but couldn't see any. Controller: That's 'cause we had our hands on the crash phones.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-12-2006 03:25 PM                        Rated G Quirk "I think the pilot on my last trip was pretty new to his job. I base that on his pre-flight announcement, 'We're going to be taking off in a few... Whoa, here we go!'"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-15-2006 09:04 AM                        Rated G A jet ran into some turbulent weather. To keep the passengers calm the flight attendants brought out the beverage carts. “I’d like a soda,” said a passenger in the first row. Moving along, the attendant asked the man behind her if he would like something. “Yes, I would,” he replied. “Give me whatever the pilot is drinking!”  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-15-2006 02:57 PM                        Rated G A blonde walked up to an airport ticket counter and asked to buy a round trip ticket. "Where to?" asked the smiling ticket agent. The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "Duuuuuh, back here!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-08-2007 12:32 PM                        Rated PG A flight attendant was staioned at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat...she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub." :DE  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-11-2007 01:59 PM                        Rated G A poet and a scientist were traveling together on a plane. The scientist was bored and said to the poet, "Hey, you, do you want to play a game? I'll ask you a question, and if you get it wrong, you give me $5. Then, you ask me a question, and if I can't answer it, I'll give you $5." The poet thought about this for a moment, but he decided against it, seeing that the scientist was obviously a very bright man. He politely turned down the scientist's offer. The scientist, who was really bored, tried again. "Look, I'll ask you a question, and if you can't answer it, you give me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I can't answer it, I'll give you $50." The poet agreed. "Okay," the scientist said, "what is the exact distance between the Earth and the Moon?" The poet, obviously not knowing the answer, didn't stop to think about the scientist's question. He took a $5 bill out of his pocket and handed it to the scientist. The scientist happily accepted the bill and promptly said, "Okay, now it's your turn." The poet thought about this for a few minutes, then asked, "All right, what goes up a mountain on three legs, but comes down on four?" The bright glow quickly vanished from the scientist's face. He thought about this for a long time, taking out his notepad and making numerous calculations. He finally gave up on his notepad and took out his laptop, using his Multimedia Encyclopedia. As the plane was landing the scientist gave up. He reluctantly handed the poet a $50 bill. The poet accepted it graciously, getting ready to stand up. "Wait!" the scientist shouted, "you can't do this to me! What's the answer?" The poet looked at the scientist and calmly put a $5 bill into his hand.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-11-2007 02:17 PM                        Rated G George Although I'm not a nervous passenger as a rule, I once became very frightened on a small commuter plane. There was a storm raging, with torrential rain and gale-force winds. Additionally, our first takeoff attempt was aborted at the last moment due to an overheated engine. We taxied back to the hangar, changed planes and then had to sit on the runway waiting for a new opportunity to take off. We were all getting anxious. I remember learning in a psychology class that one method strangers will use to decrease anxiety is to engage in conversation. So I turned to the man sitting next to me and asked, "What do you do for a living?" "I'm an undertaker," he replied.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-12-2007 01:47 PM                        Rated G Quirk Boeing has introduced the worlds largest twin engine jet, which can carry up to 550 passengers. Industry experts say it's so state of the art, airlines will be able to lose passengers luggage on board.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-07-2007 09:10 AM                        Rated PG Ed in Middletown This is a Joke. Do Not Try this. I am certain that you would be arrested in the sad world we occupy today. If you are sitting next to someone who irritates you on a plane or train: [/b] 1. Quietly and calmly open up your laptop case. 2. Remove your laptop. 3. Turn it on. 4. Make sure the guy who won't leave you alone can see the screen. 6. Close your eyes and tilt your head up to the sky. 7. Then hit this link: http://www.thecleverest.com/countdown.swf  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-23-2007 11:01 AM                        Rated PG TheWhiteRabbit A mother and her young son were flying Air Lingus. The son, who had been looking out the plane's window, turned to his mother and said, "Mom, if big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" Stumped, the mother suggested to her son that he ask the stewardess. The boy promptly got out of his seat and wandered back to the service area. "Excuse me," the boy said to the stewardess. "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" "Did your mother tell you to ask me that?" "Yes," he said, nodding his head. The stewardess whispered in the boy's ear, "Tell your mother it's because Air Lingus always pulls out on time."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-26-2007 09:37 AM                        Rated G Marty "Flight 234" advised the control tower, "turn right 45 degrees for noise abatement." "Roger" the pilot responded, "but we're at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?" "Sir" replied the radar man, "have you ever heard the noise a 727 makes when it hits a 747?"  |  IP: Logged

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