|
|
This topic comprises 8 pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
|
|
Author
|
Topic: Top 10 Lists
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
|
posted 01-05-2006 07:59 AM
Rated G ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
Top ten signs your a Fundamentalist
10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.
9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.
8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.
7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!
6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.
5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.
4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."
3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.
2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.
1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.
| IP: Logged
|
|
Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
|
posted 01-25-2006 08:21 AM
Rated PG
Top 10 Things to Do During Nascar Off-SEASON Source: Post-Tribune
So, another NASCAR season has taken the checkered flag, and you're already sitting around P.J. Jonesing for the start of next season? Well, worry not, race fan. Simply follow the advice from the following Top 10 list of Things to Do During NASCAR's Off-Season, and next season will be here before you know it. Besides, isn't the "off-season" only like two weeks long anyway? That's just long enough (we hope) for Tony Stewart to complete those long overdue anger-management classes. Now that he's got another coveted title, this is the perfect time for him to consult his Inner Tony. Or, not. Anyway, on to the list:
Get in car or truck (or RV with favorite driver's number painted on sides, front, back and top) and drive around neighborhood until fuel gauge nears the "E." When fuel light comes on, speak into two- way headset and tell spouse you're about to "pit" at the nearest gas station. Pull into station (make sure you remember which side the gas cap is on). Begin pit procedure. Time yourself. Deduct five seconds for any spilled gas. Remember to pay for fuel. This is important.
Refer to spouse as your "crew chief" and kids as your "pit crew." Suggest family practice a "total pit change" on your car or truck as a bonding experience, complete with tire changes and your favorite beverage choice jammed in through driver's window on the end of a stick. Try not to run over any "crew members" (especially "crew chief"). Also, to be authentic, get in and out of vehicle Duke boys style, via the driver's window.
Begin watching the conclusion of the NFL season. Pick out favorite players based on their number and corresponding driver number from NASCAR lineup. Pretend each player is a race car, and each time they hit each other is like one of those highlight-reel collisions. As in racing, root for the biggest crash without causing injuries.
Wear a fireproof racing suit every Sunday. Yes, even to church. Ask minister to pray for your safety in the "Big Race" back home to watch football. Prepare for retaliatory bump if you cut off church's organ player in the parking lot.
Remember, it's not a riding lawnmower converted into a snow- removal device. It's your very own recreational racing vehicle, able to reach a top speed of 25 MPH in less than 30 seconds if you coax it enough. That's 5 MPH faster than the neighbor's contraption, and that's just fast enough.
Spend some time thinking up derogatory nicknames for rival drivers of your favorite guy. Thus, Derrick Cope becomes "Derelict Cope," and Dale Jarrett becomes "Dale Jarhead," and Ken Schrader becomes "Ken Fader." Work on different enunciations for standard derogatory nicknames such as Jeff "@#!!$%*" Gordon.
Seek out sponsorship deal for your vehicle. Tell prospective sponsors for the right price you will refer to it for a whole NASCAR season as the "Combo's Pretzel Bites" car or the "Whole Grain Cheerios" van. Offer to get appropriate paint job. Use money from sponsorship to buy race tickets. Also, stock up on cheap beer, sunscreen and a new "fold-up" chair with favorite driver's number on the back.
Take an art class at your nearest community activity center. While others paint portraits of fruit, you paint "Driverscapes." One could be a slanted, block "3" overlapping Dale Earnhardt's face to honor the one and only -- and dearly departed -- Intimidator. Another could be Kurt Busch, holding a frosty brew, giving a thumb's up sign to an officer whose squad car is painted like Jeff Gordon's Dupont car.
Get a dog. Name him "Rusty" in honor of now-retired Rusty Wallace. Shave a "2" into the sides and top of his fur-covered body, for authenticity. Sometimes refer to him as Rusty the "Miller Lite/ Penske Racing Canine."
Keep race-viewing eyes in tip-top shape. Travel to casino and head over to roulette wheel. Keep playing favorite driver's numbers, and carefully watch the little white ball go round and round the track, er, wheel.
Don't lose all your loot. You'll need it for next season, which we're told starts in approximately 45 minutes.
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
|
|
All times are Central (GMT -6:00)
|
This topic comprises 8 pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
|
Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classicTM
6.3.1.2
The Film-Tech Forums are designed for various members related to the cinema industry to express their opinions, viewpoints and testimonials on various products, services and events based upon speculation, personal knowledge and factual information through use, therefore all views represented here allow no liability upon the publishers of this web site and the owners of said views assume no liability for any ill will resulting from these postings. The posts made here are for educational as well as entertainment purposes and as such anyone viewing this portion of the website must accept these views as statements of the author of that opinion
and agrees to release the authors from any and all liability.
|
Home
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
Printer-friendly view of this topic