The Line

Walsh is standing on the sidewalk when he sees a funeral procession coming down the street.

There's a hearse, then a huge german shepherd, then about a hundred men in single file walking behind.

Walsh asks the guy in front, Who died?"

The guy says, "My ex-wife."

Walsh says, "How?"

The guy points and says, "That dog... my dog.. ate her."

Walsh says, "Hey, I'd sure like to borrow your dog someday."

They guy says, "Get in line." Rated G

The Line

Walsh is standing on the sidewalk when he sees a funeral procession coming down the street.

There's a hearse, then a huge german shepherd, then about a hundred men in single file walking behind.

Walsh asks the guy in front, Who died?"

The guy says, "My ex-wife."

Walsh says, "How?"

The guy points and says, "That dog... my dog.. ate her."

Walsh says, "Hey, I'd sure like to borrow your dog someday."

An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for Viagra.

The pharmacist said "That's no problem. How many do you want?"

The man replied, "Just a few, maybe a half dozen, but can you cut each one

into four pieces."

The pharmacist said, "That's too small a dose. That won't get you through sex."

Over drinks one evening two gentleman were having a discussion about the charms, or lack there-of of the supermodel Stephanie Seymour:

"I say she's highly over-rated," said one "Take away her eyes, her lips, her legs and that figure, and what have ya got ?

Episode of a Ninety Year Old Bar-Hopper

A ninety year old man lived in a rest home and got a weekend pass.

He stopped in his favorite bar and sat at the end and ordered a drink.

He noticed a seventy-year old woman at the other end of the bar, and he told the bartender to buy the lovely young lady a drink.

As evening progressed, the old man joined the lady and they went to her apartment, where they proceeded to get it on.

Four days later, the old man noticed that he was developing a drip, and he headed for the rest home doctor.

After careful examination, the doctor asked the old man if he had engaged in sex recently.

The old man said, "Sure!"

The doctor asked if he could remember who the woman was and where she lived.

"Sure, why?"

An elderly gentleman came home one night to find a homeless girl of about eighteen ransacking the place.

He grabbed her by the arm and was just about to call the police when the girl dropped down on her knees and pleaded, "Please don't call the police, mister, oh please!! If you don't, I'll let you make love to me and do whatever you want with my body!"

The old man thought for a moment and decided to give in. Soon they were naked and in bed together. The old man tried and tried harder, but finally, he rolls over, exhausted, and embarrassed.

Shooting the breeze down at the Veteran's hospital, a trio of old timers ran out of tales of their own heroic exploits and started bragging about their ancestors.

"My great grandfather, at age 13," one declared proudly, "was a drummer boy at Shiloh."

"Mine," boast another, "went down with custer at the Battle of Little Big Horn."

"I'm the only soldier in my family," confessed vet number three, "but if my great grandfather was living today he'd be the most famous man in the world."

"What'd he do?" his friends wanted to know.

A man goes into a supermarket and buys a tube of toothpaste, a bottle of Pepsi, a bag of tortilla chips, and a frozen pizza.

The cute girl at the register looks at him and says, "Single, huh?"

Sarcastically the guy sneers, "How'd you guess?"

With all of the products advertised for feminine hygiene, I recently saw an ad for a male hygiene deodorant spray that is being brought to market.

The name of the product is “Umpire”.

A recent survey was conducted to discover why men get out of bed in the middle of the night.

5% said it was to get a glass of water.

12% said it was to go the toilet.

"Men read maps better than women because only men can understand the concept of an inch equaling a hundred miles."

A man gets seriously lost on a hunting trip.

Finally he runs into another hunter.

"Boy an I glad to see you," he cries, "I've been lost in the cold and wet for two days!"

•Why are men such jerks?

It's a testosterone thing. Much similar to your PMS thing, we men suffer from testosterone poisoning. Why do you think the average lifespan of a male is typically 10 years shorter (and it's not just from all the bitching and nagging we have to endure)? Hormone modifies behavior. We're just misunderstood.

•Why do men always have to ogle at other women?

Again, this is a testosterone thing. Do you honestly think that all the testosterone just fell out of our bodies the moment we met you? Besides, women do it as well. Women are just much better at not getting caught. I'm fairly certain it's some sort of photographic memory deal. Women take one quick look and memorize for later reference. Since men lack this ability, we try to burn it into our memory by staring as much as we can.

•Why do men always touch themselves, especially in public?

We occasionally need to adjust our little friend and make him happy. It's much like adjusting your bra. Being in public is just an added bonus.

•Why are men so obsessed with beautiful women?

As opposed to what? Really ugly women? Face it, if men were obsessed with ugly women, there would be just as much bitching about why men are so obsessed with ugly women. No matter how you set this up, some people are always going to be left out. I don’t see anyone screaming about equal treatment for the stupid people either.

•Why do men only have one thing on their minds?

Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do

A man brings his wife a glass of water and two aspirins.

She looks surprised and says, I don't have a headache!"