|
|
 
|
|
Author
|
Topic: Women Only :)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
|
posted 03-10-2008 08:34 AM
Rated G ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
9 WORDS/PHRASES WOMEN USE
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine."
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of "nothing.")
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. "That's okay" means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question it or faint. Just say "you're welcome." (I want to add in a clause here: This is true, unless she says "Thanks a lot"--that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say "you're welcome"--that will bring on a "whatever").
(8) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F____ YOU!
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to #3. ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
|
posted 04-16-2008 01:39 PM
Rated G
28 Things Guys Wish Girls Knew
1.. We're not as big of perverts as you think we all are.
2.. No matter what you say, your ex-boyfriend is an asshole
3.. We like you to give us hugs and kisses sometimes too.
4.. Don't argue with us when we call you beautiful.
5.. Don't treat us like crap, what goes around comes around.
6.. We know you're pretty, that's one of the reason's we're going out with you.
7.. Don't go into detail about your period. It scares us.
8.. If you have cramps and we ask you what's wrong, just tell us it's that time of the month and nothing more.
9.. If you really liked us for us, you would let us think that our mustache, beard, or sideburns looked cool.
10.. We never shave our legs. Get over it.
11.. NEVER ask us if you can put make up on us. It's just wrong.
12.. Don't make bets about us, because one of your friends will tell us if you don't.
13.. When we tell you that you're not fat, believe us.
14.. We absolutely do not care about the Backstreet Boys, NSYNC, 98 Degrees,or what any other guy looks like for that matter.
15.. We may not be able to pee accurately all of the time, but at least we can stand up and go pee.
16.. Just cause you think you're always right doesn't mean that you don't have to apologize when you do something "wrong."
17.. You expect us to say and do sweet things for you, but it would be nice if you did the same every once in a while. We like to know that you love us.
18.. We can't always be spontaneous, so try to help us make the plans sometimes.
19.. Don't ask us to beat up another guy for you, cause you might just get what you wish for.
20.. Never kick us in the nuts "just to see what we would say."
21.. Never pretend like you are going to break up with us and laugh when we believe you.
22.. Pamela Anderson's boobs aren't fake anymore, but we like yours better anyway.
23.. Size doesn't matter, except to idiots who don't want a relationship.
24.. PMS is not an excuse.
25.. If you want us to put the seat down when we're done, you should put it up when you're done.
26.. Don't tell us how cute your ex-boyfriend was. That doesn't turn us on.
27.. Always remember: The way to a guy's heart is through his stomach.....and maybe....oh never mind.
28.. And last but not least: We know you're not always right, but we'll pretend like you are anyway.
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
|
|
Gordon Bachlund
Jedi Master Film Handler
Posts: 696
From: Monrovia, CA, USA
Registered: Aug 1999
|
posted 09-14-2008 02:37 PM
Rated PG...
A woman visited her plastic surgeon who told her about a new procedure called 'The Knob,' where a small knob is placed at the top of the woman's head and could be turned to tighten up her skin and produce the effect of a brand new face-lift. Of course, the woman wanted 'The Knob.'
Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful, the woman remained young looking and vibrant.
After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems. 'All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them.'
The doctor looked at her closely and said, 'Those aren't bags, those are your breasts.'
She said, 'Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee.'
| IP: Logged
|
|
Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
|
posted 10-13-2008 09:25 AM
Rated G Denny in Yonkers
Subject: THINK before you speak...
The last one is great!
Have you ever
spoken and wished that you could
Immediately take the words back...
Or that you could crawl into a hole?
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....
FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow And asked loudly,'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?'
I turned around and walked back out and never went back
My husband didn't say a word...
He knew better.
SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes,
I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, 'I think I like playing with mens balls'
THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and Passed by a store that sold a Variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case,The boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, 'No, I'm just looking at your nuts.'My sister started to laugh hysterically.The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.To this day,My sister has never let me forget.
FOURTH TESTIM ONY:
While in line at the bank one afternoon,
My toddler decided to release
Some pent-up energy and ran amok.
I was finally able to grab hold of
Her after receiving looks of disgust
And annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving
'right now' she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,'If you don't let me go right now,
I will tell Grandma that I saw you Kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!'
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and
Walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of
laughter.
FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny,
So of course I checked My seven-month-old daughter, she was clean. Then realized that DannyHad not asked to go PoTTY in a while.I asked him if he needed to go,And he said 'No'.
I kept thinking'Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me.'
Then I said, 'Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?'
'No,' he replied.I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, 'Danny did you have an accident ? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
Bent over, spread his cheeks
And yelled 'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!'
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An old couple made me feel better,Thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
And a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
In the future, likely think before she speaks.
We had a female news anchor who
The day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't,
Turned to the weatherman and asked:
'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?'
Not only did HE have to leave the set,
But half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
Now, didn't that feel good?
Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh and remember
We all say things we don't really mean,
So think before you speak
| IP: Logged
|
|
Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
|
posted 10-25-2008 05:30 PM
Rated G Jokester
The Radio
A woman always wanted an expensive car -- a status symbol to drive around and be seen in. She scrimps and saves, goes to the BMW dealer, and plops down several years of income for a brand new state-of-the-art, computer enhanced, kick-butt, dream mobile.
She's driving off. Decides she wants some music and searches for the radio. The dashboard looks like a control panel at NASA. She fiddles with this button, that gizmo... jiggles these and those, but finally gives up.
Furious, she races back to the dealership and screams at the salesman. Tells him they forgot to install the radio. He assures her it's right there in front of her. It's hooked into the onboard computer. All she has to do is tell it what she wants.
He demonstrates:
"Classical," he says. "click" The car fills with the sounds of Paganini.
"Blues," she says, and "click" a B.B. King classic plays.
She drives off amazed.
"Country," she says, and "click" a Garth Brooks tune comes on.
"Folk" and "click" Joan Baez sings about the night they drove ol' Dixie down.
"New Age" and "click" Yanni at the Acropolis snaps on.
She's so captivated by this new toy that she isn't paying much attention to the road.
Another driver runs a light and cuts her off. "A**HOLE!!!" she screams. "click" "Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States." ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
All times are Central (GMT -6:00)
|
This topic comprises 12 pages: 1 2 3 ... 8 9 10 11 12
|
Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classicTM
6.3.1.2
The Film-Tech Forums are designed for various members related to the cinema industry to express their opinions, viewpoints and testimonials on various products, services and events based upon speculation, personal knowledge and factual information through use, therefore all views represented here allow no liability upon the publishers of this web site and the owners of said views assume no liability for any ill will resulting from these postings. The posts made here are for educational as well as entertainment purposes and as such anyone viewing this portion of the website must accept these views as statements of the author of that opinion
and agrees to release the authors from any and all liability.
|
Home
Printer-friendly view of this topic