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Author
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Topic: Women Only :)
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 01-06-2007 09:03 AM
Rated PG ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Maude: What in the hell is that?
Mabel: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Maude: Where did you get it?
Mabel: You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms .
The pharmacist,obviously embarrassed,looks at her kind of strangely(she is after all, over 80 years of age),but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.
"Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel."
The pharmacist fainted.
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 01-18-2007 08:34 PM
Rated R ![[Smile]](smile.gif) Ed in Middletown
Words Women Use:
1.) Fine:
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up
2.) Five Minutes:
If she is getting dressed, this means half an hour. Five Minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3.) Nothing:
This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
4.) Go Ahead:
This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
5.) Loud Sigh:
This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing (refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing).
6.) That's Okay:
This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7.) Thanks:
A woman is thanking you - do not question or faint. Just say you're welcome.
8.) Whatever:
Is a woman's way of saying FucK YOU!
9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking, "what's wrong." For the woman's response, refer to # 3. ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 02-07-2007 08:51 AM
Rated G
Wyoming Women
Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties.
The first man had married a Woman from Colorado and had told her that she was going to do dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple days, but on the third day he came home to a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second man had married a woman from Nebraska He had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning,dishes, and the cooking.
The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The third man had married a girl from WYOMING . He told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned,dishes washed, lawn mowed,laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything,but by the third day some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye,enough to fix himself a bite to eat and load the dishwasher.
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 02-22-2007 09:14 AM
Rated G Sandy in Coronado, Ca.
THIS COULD BE TRUE=======
Dear Friends,
This chain letter was started in hopes of bringing relief to other tired
and discouraged women.
Unlike most chain letters, this one does not cost anything. Just send a
copy of this letter to five of your female friends who are equally tired and
discontented.
Then bundle up the man in your life, send him to the woman whose name
appears at the top of the following list, and then add your name to the bottom of the list.
When your turn comes, you will receive 15,625 men. One of them is bound to be better than the one you already have.
At the writing of this letter, a friend of mine had already received 184
men, of whom one may be well worth keeping.
An unmarried woman living with her widowed mother was able to choose
between a Chippendale dancer and an Olympic swimmer.
You can be lucky too, but DO NOT BREAK THE CHAIN!
One woman broke the chain and got her own husband back! So let's keep it going, ladies!
Just add your name and address to the list below:
Laura Bush
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, D.C
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