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Author Topic: Women Only :) Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-16-2005 01:21 PM                        Rated G I found this in the salon where I get my hair cut. The owner says she feels these rules are correctly stated. THE RULES* For those of you who don't already know, these are the rules that are in effect in every relationship. The female always makes the rules. These rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification. No male can possibly know all the rules. If the female suspects that the male knows all the rules, she must immediately change some or all of the rules. The female is never wrong. If the female is wrong it is because of a vagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male said or did wrong. If rule number six applies, the male must immediately apologize for causing the misunderstanding. The female can change her mind at any given point in time. The male must never change his mind without express written consent of the female. The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time. The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset. The female must under no circumstances let the male know whether she wants him to be calm, angry or upset. Any attempt to document these rules could result in bodily harm. The female always gets the last word! *These rules are subject to change as the female sees fit.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-17-2005 12:02 PM                        Rated G Lorraine I had returned to my seat after having won a bottle of champagne on a cruise ship. The lady in the next chair said, "I'm fascinated by the color patterns in your dress. When you walk, I can't take my eyes off you. And do you know, the farther away you go, the better you look."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-17-2005 04:05 PM                        Rated G "Sally," asked Linda one day, "what would you do if you caught another woman fooling around with your husband?" "With George?" Sally thought it over. "Let's see; I'd break her cane, shoot her guide dog, and call a cab to take her back to the institution she escaped from."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-21-2005 10:43 AM                        Rated G A woman took her car to her mechanic. She told him "Every time I take any of my friends out in my car after a whil e there is this terrible smell. It never happens when I am on my own" This quite intrigued the mechanic so he said, "OK, lets go for a spin and see what the problem is". Off they went. She drove down a one-way street in the wrong direction at 60 MPH, swerving, hitting the curb on both sides of the street, narrowly missed three pedestrians in pedestrian crossings, ran several red lights, and just missed a policeman on street traffic duty. They returned to the shop and she said, "There it is now; there's that terrible smell. Can you smell it?" "Smell it ? Lady, I'm sitting in it".  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-27-2005 11:21 AM                        Rated G Uncle Bubba A Woman should have... one old love she can imagine going back toand one who reminds her how far she has come... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own even if she never wants to or needs to... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour. A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE a youth she's content to leave behind... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE... a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE a set of screwdrivers, cordless drill, and a black lace bra... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE... one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry. A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family.. A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored.. A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE... a feeling of control over her destiny... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... how to fall in love without losing herself... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship...and how to change a tire!!!!!!! EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... when to try harder... and when to walk away... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... that she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents. EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... that her childhood may not have been perfect...but its over... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... what she would and wouldn 't do for love or more... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... where to go... be it to her best friend's kitchen table.. or a charming inn in the woods... when her soul needs soothing... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... what she can and can't accomplish in a day.. a month...and a year...  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-29-2005 02:36 PM                        Rated G Sigmund Freud once said: "What do women want?" The only thing I have learned in fifty-two years is that women want men to stop asking dumb questions like that. D  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-08-2005 02:15 PM                        Rated G Elaine "Good girls go to heaven. Bad girls go everywhere."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-08-2005 02:20 PM                        Rated G Sally The Smell of a Woman An old Italian woman is riding the elevator in a very lavish New York City Office Building. A young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator and smelling like expensive perfume turns to the old Italian woman and says arrogantly, "Giorgio Beverly Hills, $100 an ounce!" The next young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator and also very arrogantly turns to the old Italian woman and says, "Chanel No. 5, $150 an ounce!" About three floors later, the old Italian woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, she looks both beautiful women in the eye, she bends over, and farts..."Broccoli - 49 cents a pound!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-12-2005 12:06 PM                        Rated G Elaine An adventure may be worn as a muddy spot or it my be worn as a proud insignia. It is the woman wearing it who makes it the one thing or the other.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-13-2005 08:23 AM                        Rated G Uncle Bubba Q: What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take the pill? A: They become mummies.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-13-2005 12:07 PM                        Rated G If big boobed women work at Hooters, where do one legged women work? . . . . . . . "IHOP"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-14-2005 09:27 AM                        Rated G Lorraine "If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much -- just an occasional sun visor." --Groucho Marx  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-16-2005 07:47 AM                        Rated G Betsy Bras don't make any sense: A,B,C,D.What is this,a grade system? And isn't it interesting, the smaller you are, the better the grade.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-28-2005 03:43 PM                        Rated G popo According to a new book, they asked 50 women what they would do if they had a male sex organ for one day. Most of them said, 'Probably get a salary increase.'  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-04-2006 07:00 AM                        Rated G Ken It is said that women are often attracted to men who remind them of their fathers. So when on a date, remember to greet her with: You're not going out in that?  |  IP: Logged

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