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Author Topic: Women Only :) Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-24-2005 04:59 PM                        Rated G Not all women give most of their waking thoughts to the problem of pleasing men. Some are married.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-04-2005 11:08 AM                        Rated R All women need to be on the lookout! This new scam is being pulled mainly on older women who are apparently passed the age of giving a running pursuit.What happens is that when theintended victim stops for a red light, a completely nude and good looking,nicely tanned,unbelievably well endowed young man comes up.With muscles flexing,and body stretched to its full potential,he pretends to wash your windshield.While he is doing this,another person opens the back door of your car,taking anything you have in the car.They are very good at this. They got me seven times Friday and five times Saturday---I couldn't find them on Sunday.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-07-2005 11:13 AM                        Rated G FEMALE GOLFING TERMS 1.CADDY - 2 women talking about a 3rd who isn't there to defend herself. 2.CHIPPING - Time to get our nails done again. 3.DOUBLE BOGIE - "Casablanca" followed by "African Queen." 4.FAIRWAY - Splitting the bill when the girls go to lunch. 5.GOOD LIE - Weight on our driver's license. 6.GREENS - Lunch we eat when we'd really love a cheeseburger. 7.HOLE-IN-ONE - Time to get new pantyhose. 8.IRON - What guys need to learn to do their own shirts. 9.ROUGH - Getting a guy to understand, well, pretty much anything. 10.SHAFT - You watch the kids while he gets to go golfing. 11.SLICE - "No thanks. . .just a sliver." 12.TEES - Putting on that Victoria Secret Negligee. 13.WATER HAZARD - Giving the kids too much to drink before a road trip. 14.WEDGE - Bathing suit that's too tight  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-12-2005 12:06 PM                        Rated G In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age,she was still a virgin.She was very proud of it. She knew her last days were getting closer, so she told the local undertaker that she wanted to have the following inscription on her tombstone: "Born as a virgin, lived as a virgin, died as a virgin." Not long after,the old maid died peacefully, and the undertaker told his men what the lady had said. The men went to carve it in, but being the lazy no-goods that they were, they thought the inscription to be unnecessarily long. Instead they shortened it by simply inscribing:"Returned unopened."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-17-2005 03:43 PM                        Rated G I've never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-05-2005 11:08 AM                        Rated G Denny in Yonkers Okay, Okay, it *finally* all makes sense now... I never looked at it this way before: MENtal illness MEN strual cramps MEN tal breakdown MEN opause GUY nocologist AND ..... When we have REAL trouble, it's a HISterectomy. Ever notice how all of women's problems start with MEN? Send this to all the women you know to brighten their day.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-18-2005 09:40 AM                        Rated G The destruction of the Berlin wall marked history's first feminine revolution: There was no violence and when it ended everybody went shopping.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-20-2005 10:36 AM                        Rated G Pregnant? 1 800-Yer-What?!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-27-2005 03:32 PM                        Rated G Elaine If you have to be the aggressor, if you have to pursue, if you have to do the asking out, nine times out of ten, he's not that interested in you.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-27-2005 03:39 PM                        Rated G Bruce Once upon a time there was a female brain cell who accidentally ended up in a man's head. She looked around nervously but it was all empty and quiet. "Hello?" she cried, but no answer. "Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no answer. Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled at the top of her voice, "HELLO! IS THERE ANYONE HERE?" Then she heard a very faint voice from far, far away... "We're down here!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-10-2005 07:05 AM                        Rated G Q: Why do brunettes like their dark hair color? A: It doesn't show the dirt.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-11-2005 11:14 AM                        Rated G What your sleeping position says about you: According to a new article in 'Cosmopolitan' magazine, they say the position you sleep in says a lot about you. They say women who sleep on their sides are sensitive, women who sleep on their stomachs are competent, and women who sleep on their backs with their ankles behind their ears are very popular.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-14-2005 07:24 AM                        Rated G Before I was a Mom Before I was a Mom I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby. I didn't worry about whether my plants were poisonous. I never thought aboutimmunizations. Before I was a Mom - I was never puked on. Pooped on. Chewed on. Peed on. I had complete control of my thoughts. I slept all night. Before I was a Mom I never held on to a screeming child so a doctor could do tests. Or give shots. I never looked into teary eyes and cried. I never got gloriously happey over a simple grin. I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep. Before I was a Mom I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down. I never felt my heart break into a million pieces because I couldn't stop the hurt. I never knew that something so small could effect my life so much. I never knew that I could love someone so much. I never knew I would love being a Mom. Before I was a Mom - I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body. I didn't know how special it was to feed a hungry baby. I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child. I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy. Before I was a Mom - I had never gotton up in the middle of the night every 10 minutesto make sure all was okay. I had never known the warmth, The joy, The love,, The heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom. I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mom And before I was a Grandma, I didn't know that all those "Mom" feelings more than doubled when you see that little bundle being held by "your baby"...  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-14-2005 08:50 AM                        Rated G Phil Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-14-2005 01:00 PM                        Rated G A real woman has a special attitude toward money. If she earns it, it is hers; if her husband earns it, it is theirs.  |  IP: Logged

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