In 1776
America was born
Our forefathers freed us
From tyranny and scorn

They had a vision
Of democracy
Where all men are equal
Where all women are free

So the Jeffersons battled
The Washingtons led
The rebels pressed on
Some in glory, some dead

The revolution was won
We have our U.S. of A.
A nation of bright spirit
That lives on to this day

They fought for freedom
They fought for our rights
They fought for religion
And family

They fought for justice
They fought out of pride
They fought for a new nation
And liberty

For America is
The Home of the Brave
The Home of the Free
The Home of You and of Me

I WISH YOU JOY THIS LABOR DAY

I wish you joy,
I wish you all the pleasures
The world has to give,
Pleasures of a pure heart
And soul

I wish you the exhileration
Felt atop mountain peaks,
I wish you the cool comfort
Of a shaggy, shady oak

I wish you the thrill
Of watching your children
Grow up and blossom
Into a loving, caring maturity

I wish you all the passion
That a love for the ages,
A nurturing, spontaneous love,
Can generously give

I wish you never know loneliness,
Never know pain and sorrow
To excess or extremes,
And if you do,
It gives birth to future joys

I wish you good health
Of mind, body and spirit,
That your journey through life
Be a peaceful one

I wish you friendship
The kind that supports you,
Sustains you,
And makes you stop to smile

I wish you love and friendship,
Comfort and peace,
I wish you joy!

~Written By Dobhran~

Halloween is coming up in a month, so...

Some books never written:
"I Hate Halloween Parties" by Bob Frapples.
"Food Safety" by E. Coli.

And here are some eye rollers...

Ryan: Did you know the werewolf had two brothers?
Bryan: Really? What were their names?
Ryan: Whatwolf and Whenwolf.

Clyde: Why didn't the skeleton eat his cake?
Sean: Why?
Clyde: Because he didn't have the stomach for it.

Jory: Why did the skeleton learn to play the piano?
Rory: Why?
Jory: He didn't have an organ.

Barty: What do monsters eat for breakfast?
Marty: What?
Barty: Scream of Wheat.

LEAST POPULAR HALLOWEEN HANDOUTS:

1. Spinach flavored Rice Cakes.
2. Teeth removing Taffy.
3. Metamucil in a straw.
4. Ex-Lax Brownies.
5. Caramel covered zucchini.
6. Chocolate covered prunes.

Shivery Yells
(to the tune of SILVER BELLS)
We're on sidewalks, we're on porches ,
Dressed in costumes to scare.
Through the city we're ringing the doorbells

Trick or treating, candy eating,
Gooey stuff in our hair
But the most fun is shrieking out loud:

Shivery yells, Shivery yells
That's the Halloween nitty-gritty
Moan and groan, leaves us alone
Halloween's just one night a year.

What do Skeletons say before eating?

Bone Appetite.

Why did the Vampire get fired from the Blood Bank?

He was caught drinking on the job.

Pumpkin Bells
(to the tune of JINGLE BELLS)

Dashing through the streets
In our costumes bright and gay
To each house we go
Laughing all the way

Halloween is here,
Making spirits bright
What fun it is to trick-or-treat
And sing pumpkin carols tonight!

Oh Pumpkin bells, Pumpkin bells
Ringing loud and clear
Oh what fun great pumpkin brings
When Halloween is here.

How do monsters tell their future?

They read their horror-scope.

What is a vampire's favorite sport?

Casket-ball.

"Deck The Patch"
( to the tune of DECK THE HALLS)

Deck the patch with orange and black
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Take along your goody sack
Fa la la la la, la la la la

Don we now our weird apparel
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Toll the ancient pumpkin carol
Fa la la la la, la la la la

See the great one rise before us
Fa la la la la, la la la la
As we sing the pumpkin chorus
Fa la la la la, la la la la

Follow him as he ascends
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Join with true great pumpkin friends.
Fa la la la la, la la la la

Why do ghosts have so much trouble dating?

Women can see right through them.

Why aren't there any famous skeletons?

They're a bunch of no bodies.

I'm Dreaming Of
The Great Pumpkin
(to the tune of WHITE CHRISTMAS)

I'm dreaming of the great pumpkin
Just like I do this time each year.
When he brings nice toys
To good girls and boys
Who wait for him to appear.

I'm dreaming of the great pumpkin
With every pumpkin card I write.
May your jack-o-lanterns burn bright
When the great pumpkin visits you tonight.

Why was the skeleton afraid to cross the road?

It had no guts.

How do witches keep their hair in place while flying?

With scare spray.

Puppy Christmas
On the first day of Christmas my puppy gave to me
The Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

On the second day of Christmas my puppy gave to me
Two leaking bubble lights
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

On the third day of Christmas my puppy gave to me
Three punctured ornaments
Two leaking bubble lights
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

On the fourth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me
Four broken window candles
Three punctured ornaments
Two leaking bubble lights
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

On the fifth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me
Five chewed-up stockings
Four broken window candles
Three punctured ornaments
Two leaking bubble lights
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

On the sixth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me
Six yards of soggy ribbon
Five chewed-up stockings
Four broken window candles
Three punctured ornaments
Two leaking bubble lights
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

On the seventh day of Christmas my puppy gave to me
Seven scraps of wrapping paper
Six yards of soggy ribbon
Five chewed-up stockings
Four broken window candles
Three punctured ornaments
Two leaking bubble lights
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

On the eighth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me
Eight tiny reindeer fragments
Seven scraps of wrapping paper
Six yards of soggy ribbon
Five chewed-up stockings
Four broken window candles
Three punctured ornaments
Two leaking bubble lights
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

On the ninth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me
My wreath in nine pieces
Eight tiny reindeer fragments
Seven scraps of wrapping paper
Six yards of soggy ribbon
Five chewed-up stockings
Four broken window candles
Three punctured ornaments
Two leaking bubble lights
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

On the tenth day of Christmas my puppy gave to me
Ten Christmas cards I shoulda mailed
My wreath in nine pieces
Eight tiny reindeer fragments
Seven scraps of wrapping paper
Six yards of soggy ribbon
Five chewed-up stockings
Four broken window candles
Three punctured ornaments
Two leaking bubble lights
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

On the eleventh day of Christmas my puppy gave to me
Eleven unwrapped presents
Ten Christmas cards I shoulda mailed
My wreath in nine pieces
Eight tiny reindeer fragments
Seven scraps of wrapping paper
Six yards of soggy ribbon
Five chewed-up stockings
Four broken window candles
Three punctured ornaments
Two leaking bubble lights
And the Santa topper from the Christmas tree.

Halloween night, the man's doorbell rings and he answers it with the bowl of candy. Here stands a plain, but well-dressed kid saying, "Trick or treat!"

The man askes the kid what he's dressed up like for Halloween.

The kid says, "I'm an I.R.S. agent."

Then the kid takes 28% of the man's candy and leaves, and doesn't say "Thank you."

GHOSTS AND GOBLINS

It was a cold and gloomy, October night,
with eyes wide, filled with fright,
she hurried along, the sidewalk dark,
as she neared the entrance, to the park.

All around her, were ghostly shapes,
some with fangs, shrouded in in capes.
A couple old hags, most assuredly witches,
other's with bodies, covered in stitches.

As she scurried along, in shadows deep,
up behind her, she hears something creep.
With pounding heart, she began to run faster,
knowing she's the one, the thing is after.

On her shoulder, a hand tightly grips,
with a loud scream, she suddenly trips.
Glancing around, she sees it's only her brother,
hand over mouth, a laugh trying to smother.

TWICK OR TWEAT

On Halloween, this woman opens her door to find the most adorable little girl, with golden blond hair and the biggest blue eyes. She was dressed as an witch, and was just delightful.

The woman said, "What are you supposed to say sweetheart?" The little girl looks up at the woman and says... "Twick or Tweat!" The woman thinks this is just adorable, and she calls her husband to come to the door.

The woman say to the child, "Go ahead honey say it just one more time." Once again the little Angel looks up and says, "Twick or Tweat!" The husband agrees with his wife, this little witch is just the cutest thing.

The woman picks an apple from the Treat Bowl, shines it up with her apron, and drops it into the little girl's Treat Bag.

The little witch looks in her bag then looks up at the woman and says...

If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetary, was once a church used for black masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house move away immediately.

When it appears that you have killed the monster, *never* check to see if it's really dead.

Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out.


When you have the benefit of numbers, *never* pair off and go it alone.

As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.

Never stand in, on, above, below, beside, or anywhere near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum, or other house of the dead.

If you're searching for something which caused a noise and find out that it's just the cat, leave the room immediately if you value your life.

If you find a town which looks deserted, it's probably for a reason. Take the hint and stay away.

If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.

Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you're doing.

If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, get away from them as fast as possible.

Do not take *anything* from the dead.

Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.

If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help.

Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any devices made from deceased companions.

Grandma will remember last Halloween forever. No, it was not a good one. Sit down (near a grown up friend, or your Mom or Dad), and I'll tell you about it.

Just as the sun was going down, the wind started to blow so hard it made the trees groan. All day it seemed like a storm was coming. It got dark very early, kind of smoky dark outdoors with lots of heavy gray clouds and the wind kept blowing. Everyone had their car headlights on by four o'clock.

Grandma stopped by a friend's home for a visit, because she always misses her children and grandchildren on Sundays and holidays. They wanted her to go with them to a party in downtown Dallas. Instead, Grandma decided to go on home and relax before the storm really hit. A light rain had already begun to fall, slowly, but in big drops.

Finishing her visit with her friends Grandma wished them a "Happy Pumpkin Day," and said good-bye. She stopped at the grocery store on the way home to pick up some food and sneak a peek at the Trick or Treaters.

By the time she got home it was nearly seven o'clock at night. The storm had started, so she parked in the "No Parking" area, close to her front door just to take her groceries inside. She had to go find a parking spot after that. The closest one was way around the corner from where she lived, by some trash dumpsters.

Just as Grandma got out of her car and closed the door, she heard a "Whoosh" sound come from one from one of 'the trash Dumpster. Her heart felt like it had stopped beating, and she stopped breathing, after uttering a sound. "Eeeee Yipes!" through her scared stiff jaws. Grandma tried to get into the car, but she couldn't get the key into the lock, so she ran for her door as fast as she could.

Grandma had left the door unlocked when she went to park the car, so it opened right away. She quickly slipped inside, put on her security alarm, and leaned against the door until she could get her breath.

The groceries had to be put away, so she began that task thinking she would not eat the fresh shrimp she had just bought, but jump into bed and watch television, all cozy and warm, so she would be ready for work in the morning.

As Grandma was pulling the milk in the refrigerator, she heard something fall and hit the patio. It made a 'thud' sound. Thinking that it was "Gypsy," the friendly dog next door, Grandma peeked out through the mini-blinds. As her eyes moved from the patio cement up toward the railing, she felt a very cold breeze sweep past her, and then, she suddenly saw a big cloud on the patio, spiraling about in one place. "It" stopped and moved over close to the door. She was scared still! Again!

Backing away from the patio doors, very slowly, Grandma sat down in her chair right under her security alarm buttons, to wait to see if she had seen what she though she did. Nothing happened so she got up and went to her bedroom to put on her "jams (if only she could have taken a deep, warm bath she thought, but it was still lightening outside).

Grandma finished putting on her warm nightclothes, and left her bedroom, with a pillow tucked under her arm, heading for the sofa. Turning back to switch off the light, she heard that sound again; the one she had heard by the dumpsters.

She spun around looking back into her room. There, looking right through the closed mini-blinds, was a huge pumpkin face. It asked her, in a hoarse voice, "Whhhhyyyy doooon't yooooooo liiike Halloween?"

Grandma pulled her bedroom door shut, with a bang, and fled into the front bedroom that was her office, so fast that her feet didn't touch the floor. She slithered under the covers and pulled them over her head. Grandma could feel her heart banging away, a hard, "lub-dub." In the same rhythm she kept saying, "I DO like Hal O Ween! I DO like Hal O Ween! I DO like Hal O Ween!" over and over again, until she fell asleep.

The next morning Grandma woke up and went right to her patio doors. She peeked out the blinds very carefully. There was nothing there. Grandma loves the morning air; so she slid the door open, like she always did, and went out to sit in a patio chair, to drink her cup of coffee.

There, on the patio, was an old candle stub inside a huge broken pumpkin shell!

So, no, Grandma did not have a good Halloween. In fact, she doesn't want to have another one, unless she is with her family, or friends, who knew her well. She said that a stranger would think she was 'coo coo.'

But, Grandma does love to make jack-o-lanterns (she no longer says the "p" word, any more), and her love for "P pie" hasn't changed, and harvest scenes are one of her favorites, and the weather... but no, Grandma does not like Halloween.

~by Carol Joyce Hinkley Thompson~

TOP TEN REASONS WHY TRICK OR TREATING IS BETTER THAN SEX.....

10. You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.

9. If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.

8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.

7. You don't have to compliment the person who gives you so me.

6. It's O.K. when the person you're with fantasizes you're someone else, because you are.

5. Forty years from now you'll still enjoy candy.

4. If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door.

3. It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.

2. Less guilt the morning after.

Police arrested Malcolm Davidson, a 27 year old white male, resident of White Plains, NY, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38pm Friday. Davidson will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the County courthouse on Monday.

The suspect allegedly stated that as he was passing a pumpkin patch, he decided to stop.

"You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there as no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't", he stated in a phone interview from the County courthouse jail.

Davidson went on to state that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged
"need".

"I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment. In the process, Davidson apparently failed to notice the White Plains police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until Officer Brenda Taylor approached him.

"It was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said Officer Taylor. I walked up to (Davidson) and he's...just working away at this pumpkin."

Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Davidson. "I just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?'"

A Brazilian, attending a Halloween Costume Dance, was dancing with a tourist girl who was wearing a map of Texas for a costume.

Suddenly, she slapped him hard and stalked off the dance floor.

"What the heck happened?" asked a friend who had witnessed the entire event.

Vampires

Two vampires wanted to go out to eat, but were having a little trouble
deciding where to go.

They were tired of the local food in Transylvania and wanted something a little more exotic. After some discussion, they decided to go to ITALY because they had heard that ITALIAN food was really good.

So off they went to ITALY and ended up in VENICE. On a bridge one of the canals, they hid in the shadows and waited for dinner. A few minutes later they noticed a young couple walking their way. As they neared, the vampires made their move.

Each vampire grabbed a person, sucked them dry and tossed the remaining bodies into the canal below. The vampires were extremely pleased with their meal and decided to have seconds.

Another young couple approached, a few minutes later they too suffered the same fate as the first -- sucked dry and tossed into the canal below. Our vampires are now fairly full but decide to get dessert. In a short while a third young couple provides just that. As
with the first two couples, these people were also sucked dry and tossed over the rail into the canal. The vampires decided that they had had a marvelous dinner but that it was time to head back home. As they started to walk away they began to hear some singing. They were puzzled because no one else was on the bridge. As they listened, they realized that it was coming from the canal. They looked over the rail and saw a big alligator in the water under the bridge, feasting on the bodies. They listened as the alligator sang:

Do you know what he sang? No guess? You don't know what the alligator
sang, do you?

Are you ready? Here it comes...... Scroll Down
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".....Drained wops keep falling on my head..."