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Author Topic: Celebrities Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-29-2008 11:15 AM                        Rated G For those of you too young to remember Bob. May 29, 1903- July 27, 2003 ON TURNING 70 "You still chase women, but only downhill". ON TURNING 80 "That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.." ON TURNING 90 "You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." ON TURNING 100 " I don't feel old. In fact I don't feel anything until noon . Then it's time for my nap." ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING "I ruined my hands in the ring ... the referee kept stepping on them." ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR "Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it's called at my home, 'Passover'." ON GOLF "Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees." ON PRESIDENTS? " I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six." ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER " When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, 'Congratulations You have an eight-pound ham'." ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL "I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it." ON HIS FAMILY'S EARLY POVERTY "Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother." ON HIS SIX BROTHERS "That's how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom." ON HIS EARLY FAILURES " I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw at me." ON GOING TO HEAVEN "I've done benefits for ALL religions. I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-11-2008 11:43 AM                        Rated G Lorraine While driving through a Swiss village one day, Alfred Hitchcock suddenly pointed through the window. "That," he declared, "is the most frightening sight I have ever seen." Hitchcock's fellow- traveler was astonished to see nothing more alarming than a priest conversing with a small boy, his hand gently resting on the youngster's shoulder. "Run, little boy, run!" Hitchcock cried, poking his head through the window. "Run for your life!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-18-2008 12:12 PM                        Rated G My grandfather always said, "Don't watch your money; watch your health." So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather. Jackie Mason  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-18-2008 12:17 PM                        Rated X I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said. "No. I hate myself now. Rodney Dangerfield  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-21-2008 09:39 PM                        Rated G Quirk Steven Segal is blaming the FBI for ruining his movie career. He said he's not getting the movie roles that he wants because of a false FBI investigation. The FBI issued a response and said, "It is our job to stop people from making bombs."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-16-2008 10:52 AM                        Rated G Lorraine Almost all of the roles that made Humphrey Bogart a star (after a decade of toiling in minor films) were roles he got because George Raft had turned them down, from High Sierra (1941), in which Bogie was first noticed as a viable box office draw, to Casablanca (1942), which made him a true international star. Ironically, after having been overshadowed by Raft the whole first half of his career, Bogart is today by far the better-known star and is considered the superior actor of the two. Poster's Note: Humphrey Bogart was a classmate of My Father at Trinity School in Manhattan.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-02-2008 06:36 AM                        Rated G "The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going." George Carlin...1937-2008  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-02-2008 06:38 AM                        Rated G Lorraine George Carlin once suggested changing some NBA rules to make basketball more interesting. 50 points, for example, would be awarded for any shot which goes in after bouncing off an opponent's head.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-02-2008 06:57 AM                        Rated G cutie pa2ti "The only reason I made a commercial for American Express was to pay for my American Express bill." ~Peter Ustinov~  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-02-2008 07:11 AM                        Rated G Barry I don't know why people complain about secondhand smoke. At nearly three dollars a pack, don't they realize how much money they're saving? Dennis Miller  |  IP: Logged

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