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» Film-Tech Forum ARCHIVE   » Community   » Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon   » Celebrities (Page 3)

 
This topic comprises 14 pages: 1  2  3  4  5  6  ...  12  13  14 
 
Author Topic: Celebrities
Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 05-16-2003 03:04 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G [Smile]

"In the last couple of weeks I have seen the ads for the Wonder Bra. Is that really a problem in this country? Men not paying enough attention to women's breasts?"

--Hugh Grant

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 05-21-2003 07:47 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated R [Eek!]

A Famous Frank...

According to Frank Sinatra's assistant,he was SO large he needed
custom-made underpants in order to hide it from view.T

he Sun came up with the Top-10 Frank Sinatra songs in his manhood's honor:


10 Frank swingers

1. Come Flies With Me

2. I've Got Huge Under My Skin

3. Something Stupendous

4. Strained 'er In The Night

5. That Old Whack Magic

6. My Kind of Gown (sheer cargo is)

7. Three Loins In A Fountain

8. Size And Dolls

9. New Pork, New Pork

10. One Foot For My Baby [Big Grin]

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 05-27-2003 07:27 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G [Smile]

When Arnold Schwarzenegger was a child, he made his acting debut in his elementary school production "Music Makers". One day the teacher went around the room asking the students to chose a famous composer to portray in the school play. So all the kids are choosing. The first child choose Mozart, the next wanted to be Beethoven.

When the teacher ask little Arnold what his choice was, he said, I'll be Bach." [Big Grin]

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 05-27-2003 07:33 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G [Smile] Bill Cosby

Bill Cosby said he was working with Ray Charles once and went up to Ray's room to drop off a check. It's pitch black. Cosby says "Ray, where are you?"

Charles holler's back, I'm here in the bathroom, shaving."

So Cosby said. "Ray, why are you shaving...in...the...dark..." [Big Grin]

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 05-27-2003 08:19 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G [Smile] Celebrity Trivia

After Psycho was released, Hitchcock received an angry letter from the father of a girl who refused to take a bath after seeing Les Diaboliques.

Now she was refusing to take a shower after seeing Psycho.

Hitchcock sent him a note back simply saying, " Send her to the dry cleaners." [Big Grin]

[ 06-10-2003, 06:02 AM: Message edited by: Bob Maar ]

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 06-05-2003 08:42 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G [Smile]

Michael Douglas
says that he has retraced his family roots and has found that his great-great-grandfather was a pirate.

Catherine Zeta-Jones has retraced her roots and she found that her great-Great-grandfather is Michael Douglas. [Big Grin]

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 06-09-2003 09:35 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G [Smile]

Diana Ross
has signed a deal to write her autobiography called "Upside Down:Wrong Turns,Right Turns and the Road Ahead". Coincidentally,that's also what the police have titled her DUI video.

--Jim Barach WTVH Syracuse, NY

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 06-09-2003 04:47 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G [Smile] Anon.

INTERVIEWER:

Are you attending the Cannes film festival this year?

SINGER CHRISTINA AGUILERA:

I hope so. Where is it being held this year? [Big Grin]

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 06-10-2003 05:57 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G [Smile]

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." [Big Grin]

--Mariah Carey

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 06-10-2003 06:01 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G [Smile]

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," [Big Grin]

--Brooke Shields, (During an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 06-10-2003 06:26 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G [Smile]

"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land,and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves." [Big Grin]

--John Wayne

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 06-26-2003 08:02 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G [Smile] The Wisdom of Will Rogers..........

1. Don't squat with your spurs on.

2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

3. There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neother one works.

4. Lettin' the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier'n than puttin' it back in.

5. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

6. Always drink upstream from the herd.

7. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

8. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket.

9. Never slap a man who is chewing tobacco

10. The are three kinds of men. The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.

11. Good judgement come from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgement.

12. If your riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

[thumbsup] After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him....The moral: When your full of bull, keep keep your mouth shut. [Big Grin]

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 07-02-2003 09:10 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G [Smile] Actress Kathy Bates

"My mother was often heard to say that when I was born the doctor smacked me on my behind. I thought it was applause and I have been looking for it ever since."

Inside the Actor's Studio

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 08-06-2003 11:56 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G [Smile]

"Health food may be good for the conscience but Oreos taste a hell of a lot better."

~~ Robert Redford

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 09-02-2003 11:45 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated PG [Smile] [Eek!]

The $10,000 Pyramid is a game show in which celebrities give clues to contestants in order to guess certain things.One topic
was "Things put in the mouth,but not eaten." The item was a
harmonica.

When celebrity,actress,June Lockhart blooped: "It's about four to five inches long and you blow it. . . oh my God! err . . . it plays music!" [Big Grin]

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