my profile | my password | search | faq & rules | forum home

» Film-Tech Forum ARCHIVE   » Community   » Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon   » Celebrities (Page 6)

This topic comprises 14 pages: 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  ...  12  13  14

Author Topic: Celebrities Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-22-2004 08:56 AM                        Rated PG CELEBRITY EPITAPHS * Tiger Woods at Six Under * Col. Sanders Kicks the Bucket * Mike Myers, "Wayne's World" Star, Lives -- Not! * Lee Iacocca Recalled by Maker * George W. Bush Deceasifies * Clinton Doesn't Inhale * Ed McMahon's Relatives May Have Already Inherited 10 MILLION DOLLARS! * Autopsy Confirms Death of Keith Richards * Meat Loaf Goes Cold * Roger Ebert: 10 Toes Up  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-12-2004 09:39 AM                        Rated PG +---------------- Bizarre Celebrity Quotes -----------------+ "My boyfriend calls me 'Princess,' but I think of myself more along the lines of 'monkey' and 'retarded.'" -Alicia Silverstone "I didn't even know my bra size until I made a movie." -Angelina Jolie "My body is like breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I don't think about it, I just have it." -Arnold Schwarzenegger "This time I'm going to be the bride. She got me these pink panties with a big bow on them." -Billy Bob Thornton "I would rather have a cup of tea than sex." -Boy George "I'm on the Zoloft to keep from killing y'all." -Mike Tyson "I pick my nose and I'm not ashamed to admit it. If there's a bogey then just pick it, man." -Justin Timberlake "Wal-mart...do they like make walls there?" -Paris Hilton "I've been noticing gravity since I was very young." "My child was not only carried by me, but by the universe." -Celine Dion "I'm like a monk with a taste for hookers." -Moby "I won't get out of bed for less than $10,000 a day." -Linda Evangelista "I think the longer I look good, the better gay men feel." -Cher "I believe all drunks go to heaven, because they've been put through hell on Earth." -Liza Minnelli "I would like to see the Pope wearing my T-shirt." -Madonna "I'm thinking about naming my first son Emmy so I can say I've got one." -Noah Wyle  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-15-2004 01:31 PM                        Rated PG "The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers." --Woody Allen  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-23-2004 08:33 AM                        Rated G "You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred." -- Woody Allen  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-09-2004 02:26 PM                        Rated G "I believe you should place a woman on a pedestal, high enough so you can look up her dress." --Steve Martin  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-15-2004 12:41 PM                        Rated G When talk show host Jay Leno was in fifth grade, his teacher wrote the following on his report card: "If Jay spent as much time studying, as he does trying to be a comedian, he'd be a big star."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-31-2004 05:31 PM                        Rated G "I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph." ---Shirley Temple  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 01-27-2005 03:58 PM                        Rated G Mozart A young man is reported to have approached the renowned composer Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart (one of the great musical prodigies of all time), and asked, "Herr Mozart, I have the ambition to write symphonies and perhaps you can advise me how to get started." Mozart said, "The best advice I can give you is to wait until you are older and more experienced, and try your hand at less ambitious pieces to begin with." The young man looked astonished. "But, Herr Mozart, you yourself wrote symphonies when you were considerably younger than I." "Ah," said Mozart, "but I did so without asking advice."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 02-16-2005 09:27 AM                        Rated G "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball." --Jack Lemmon  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-16-2005 10:47 AM                        Rated G Lorraine GBS once received an invitation from a celebrity hound: Lady Tillingham-Swarthmore will be at home Thursday between four and six. GBS returned the card. Underneath her message, he had scrawled: Mr. George Bernard Shaw likewise.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 03-23-2005 09:44 PM                        Rated XXX Russell Crowe At the age of 22, Russell Crowe moved from his native New Zealand to Sydney, Australia, where he worked, very briefly, as a waiter. One day, a customer, an American woman who Russell found extremely annoying, ordered a cup of decaffeinated coffee. She was soon dismayed to see her waiter appear with a rather unexpected beverage. "This," she peevishly pointed out, "is just a cup of boiling water." Crowe's reply (for which he was immediately fired)? "Lady, when we decaffeinate something in Australia, we don't fuck around."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-07-2005 02:05 PM                        Rated G Michael Jackson Actually, Michael Jackson and the Catholic Church have a lot in common. Maybe he should have studied for the priesthood. I mean, thy both like young boys, live in a make-believe world, dress in strange clothes, and have a cult following!  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-15-2005 04:01 PM                        Rated G Jack Benny Bet this wouldn't happen these days... When Jack Benny was invited to perform at the White House, he showed up at the gate with his violin case under his arm. A burly guard blocked his way. Somewhat tensely, the guard asked what was in the case. 'A machine gun,' Benny said. The guard relaxed. 'Oh, that's fine, Mr. Benny,' he said. 'Go right in. For a moment there I was afraid it was your violin.'  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-20-2005 03:29 PM                        Rated G "Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted the whole day." ~~ Mickey Rooney  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-19-2005 02:43 PM                        Rated G Woody Allen "In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows."  |  IP: Logged

All times are Central (GMT -6:00)

This topic comprises 14 pages: 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  ...  12  13  14

Printer-friendly view of this topic

Hop To: Select a Forum: Category: Operations -------------------- Digital Cinema Forum Film Handlers' Forum Large Format Forum Ground Level Feature Info, Trailer Attachments & REAL Credit Offsets Category: Community -------------------- Film-Yak Film Handlers' Movie Reviews The Afterlife Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon Category: Classified -------------------- Equipment and Supplies Wanted/For Sale Help Wanted/Seeking Employment Category: System -------------------- Software Beta Testing Forum

The Film-Tech Forums are designed for various members related to the cinema industry to express their opinions, viewpoints and testimonials on various products, services and events based upon speculation, personal knowledge and factual information through use, therefore all views represented here allow no liability upon the publishers of this web site and the owners of said views assume no liability for any ill will resulting from these postings. The posts made here are for educational as well as entertainment purposes and as such anyone viewing this portion of the website must accept these views as statements of the author of that opinion and agrees to release the authors from any and all liability.