my profile | my password | search | faq & rules | forum home

» Film-Tech Forum ARCHIVE   » Community   » Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon   » Celebrities (Page 2)

This topic comprises 14 pages: 1  2  3  4  5  ...  12  13  14

Author Topic: Celebrities Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-01-2003 03:25 PM                        Rated G Researchers reported that they developed a "self-healing" plastic that repairs itself if cracked.The plastic will change the way airplanes are built and medicine is praticed. In a related story, Joan Rivers will never die.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-07-2003 09:50 AM                        Rated X These Celebrities are real "Dickheads". Click here: http://www.youfunny.com/images/fp-173a.jpg  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-24-2003 06:44 AM                        Rated G Not many people realize that as a youngster,Marlon Brando'sgoal in life was to become a security guard at the local prison. After getting out of school,the first thing he did was go to the prison and ask for an application,but he was told they weren't hiring.Disappointed,he signed up for a stint in the Army,but not one week later did he find a want ad in the newspaper saying "LOCAL PRISON NEEDS GUARDS." Unable to break his Army commitment he uttered the now-famous line: coulda beena con tender!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-28-2003 10:48 AM                        Rated G Today's Episcopalian..... Comedian Robin Williams, who is an Episcopalian, gave these top ten reasons for being an Episcopalian on a recent HBO special: 10. No snake handling. 09. You can believe in dinosaurs. 08. Male and female,God created them; male and female,we ordain them. 07. You don't have to check your brains at the door. 06. Pew aerobics. 05. Church year is color coded! 04. Free wine on Sunday. 03. All of the pageantry, none of the guilt. 02. You don't have to know how to swim to get baptized. And the number one reason for being an Episcopalian: 01. No matter what you believe, there's bound to be at least one other Episcopalian who agrees with you.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 04-29-2003 04:40 PM                        Rated G Singer Bob Dylan was stopped at his own show by security guards who failed to recognize the singer. Asked to comment, Dylan replied,"I can hardly blame them.Look at me." -- Craig Kilborn  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-15-2003 07:34 AM                        Rated PG Michele When Zsa Zsa Gabor appeared on The Late Show, she brought her largepurebred cat on, an angora,I believe.The entire interview, whenever Johnny tried to change the subject,she kept going back to discussing the cat.Johnny was getting just a bit frustrated.Finally,Zsa Zsa gave him his opening. She asked him, "Would you like to pet my pussy?" To which he,of course, replied, "Sure, just get that stupid cat out of the way."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-15-2003 12:47 PM                        Rated X People say the Darnest Things "Things you'll never hear a woman say:'My, what an attractive scrotum!' --Patricia Arquette  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-16-2003 02:43 PM                        Rated PG "Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships." --Sharon Stone  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-16-2003 02:52 PM                        Rated G "They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my gall bladder,they examined everything inside of me. Know what they deceided? I need glasses. --Joe E. Lewis  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-16-2003 02:54 PM                        Rated G "I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a Great White or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot." --Axel Rose (Guns'n'Roses)  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-16-2003 02:55 PM                        Rated G "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." --Jack Nicholson  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-16-2003 02:57 PM                        Rated G "I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?" Arnold Schwarzenegger  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-16-2003 03:00 PM                        Rated G "Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house." Rod Stewart., Aging cover band singer  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-16-2003 03:01 PM                        Rated G "There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?" Dustin Hoffman  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 05-16-2003 03:03 PM                        Rated G "Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself." --Roseanne  |  IP: Logged

All times are Central (GMT -6:00)

This topic comprises 14 pages: 1  2  3  4  5  ...  12  13  14

Printer-friendly view of this topic

Hop To: Select a Forum: Category: Operations -------------------- Digital Cinema Forum Film Handlers' Forum Large Format Forum Ground Level Feature Info, Trailer Attachments & REAL Credit Offsets Category: Community -------------------- Film-Yak Film Handlers' Movie Reviews The Afterlife Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon Category: Classified -------------------- Equipment and Supplies Wanted/For Sale Help Wanted/Seeking Employment Category: System -------------------- Software Beta Testing Forum

The Film-Tech Forums are designed for various members related to the cinema industry to express their opinions, viewpoints and testimonials on various products, services and events based upon speculation, personal knowledge and factual information through use, therefore all views represented here allow no liability upon the publishers of this web site and the owners of said views assume no liability for any ill will resulting from these postings. The posts made here are for educational as well as entertainment purposes and as such anyone viewing this portion of the website must accept these views as statements of the author of that opinion and agrees to release the authors from any and all liability.