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Author Topic: Celebrities Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 06-08-2005 12:32 PM                        Rated G "First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up. And finally, you forget to pull it down." -- George Burns --  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-18-2005 11:56 AM                        Rated G "I worked some gigs in the Deep South....Alabama....You talk about Darwins waiting room. There are guys in Alabama who are their own father." Dennis Miller  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 07-29-2005 01:54 PM                        Rated G "Michael Moore and I actually have a lot in common -- we both appreciate living in a country where there's free expression." But, Michael if you ever show up at my door with a camera - I'll kill you. I mean it." ~~Clint Eastwood, at the National Board of Review awards dinner.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-12-2005 01:48 PM                        Rated "A new biography of Madonna came out last week, and appar-ently the biography lists all the men she's slept with. The book is apparently called the Manhattan Telephone Directory." ~- Bill Maher  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-13-2005 06:33 AM                        Rated XXX Phillip Michael Jackson was entertaining some children at his Neverland Ranch. Little Johnny asked the naked Michael "What is that thing?", pointing to Michael's penis. Michael said it was his snake, and said to Johnny, "You can pet him if you like." Pretty soon Johnny was petting and petting Michael's trouser snake and Michael was getting closer and closer to the dreams he was having the night before. All of a sudden, a deafening scream filled the mansion. Michael looked down and saw that he was bleeding from his crotch. Michael asked "What the hell did you do?!" Johnny said "I was petting the snake then he spit on me, so I cut his head off."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 08-19-2005 09:18 AM                        Rated G " I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down' " --Bob Newhart  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-17-2005 03:15 PM                        Rated G Red Adair Red Adair walked into an Aberdonian pub after two weeks spent putting out a fire in a North Sea oil well. He ordered a pint of heavy and found a table. The man sitting next to him immediately noticed that this rugged-looking elderly fellow was indeed an American and said: "I've been to the States myself, you know. I went there last year." "Oh really..." our oil rig hero said in a rather tired voice. "Aye, I spent a month in California. One night I went to a concert with a famous country singer called Benny Rogers, and..." "Surely you must mean KENNY Rogers," Red said, looking at the ceiling. "Aye, that's right. Anyway, he sang a duet with a bonnie lass called Polly Darton." "It's DOLLY PARTON, not Polly Darton." Red was not in the friendliest of moods now. The Scot realized that he was making a fool of himself and tried a change of topic: "Haven't I seen you on TV? You're quite famous, aren't you?" This made old Red cheer up: "Indeed you have. I'm Red Adair!" he said with a grin. "Red Adair?! The REAL Red Adair? So, are you still married to Ginger Rogers?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 09-20-2005 10:47 AM                        Rated G The saddest part of Ray Charles death was that he didn't see it coming.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-11-2005 08:06 AM                        Rated G Bette Davis was once informed by her attorney that rumors of her death were spreading through New York. "Die? During a newspaper strike?" she replied. "I wouldn't even consider it!"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-18-2005 02:45 PM                        Rated G "Forget that you may be a total mess, be like the girl singer who was on a variety show with me. She had a wig, capped teeth, false eyelashes, fake fingernails, rear padding, and silicone job. She then went on stage and sang, 'I Gotta Be Me." - Phyllis Diller -  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-24-2005 06:42 AM                        Rated G Many visitors to Picasso's home in the south of France were astonished to find that its walls boasted none of his own works. "Why is that, Pablo?" someone once asked. "Don't you like them?" "On the contrary - I like them very much," the painter replied. "It's just that I can't afford them."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-28-2005 07:29 AM                        Rated G "I wrote a novel this year called, 'Shop Girl,' and several producers came to me and wanted to turn it into a movie. And I said, 'If you think you're going to take this book and change it around, and Hollywoodize it and change the ending, then that's going to cost you.'" -- Steve Martin  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-30-2005 04:21 PM                        Rated G "Let me see if I get this straight, all I have to do is dress up weird and parade around my neighborhood and people I don't know will give me candy? For free? I can do that!" --Jerry Seinfeld  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-30-2005 04:23 PM                        Rated G "My wife and I had words, but I never got to use mine." --Steve Allen  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-01-2005 10:08 AM                        Rated G Betsy A few years ago, Hugh Hefner found the woman he'd been looking for all his life, and he got married. A woman he could cherish for the rest of his life - and then she turned twenty.  |  IP: Logged

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