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» Film-Tech Forum ARCHIVE   » Community   » Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon   » Celebrities (Page 11)

 
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Author Topic: Celebrities
Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 11-25-2006 10:34 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G [Eek!] Conan O'Brian

"According to a national organization that studies obesity, nine of the fattest states in America are in the lowest third of the country. In other words, geographically, America has a fat ass." [Smile]

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 11-28-2006 07:09 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G [Smile] Lorraine

After a school in his home town (Waukegan, Illinois) was named after him, famed comedian Jack Benny made a point of visiting every year to speak with the children.

While Benny was addressing a class of twelve-year-olds one year, a student raised his hand and posed a curious question: "Mr. Benny," he asked, "why did they name you after our school?"

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 12-12-2006 02:14 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G [Smile] Lorraine

Patrick Stewart
(Star Trek: Next Generation) once offered a word of advice to the show's fans.

"If William Shatner ever calls you into the bathroom and asks you to see the 'Captain's Log,'" he said, "say no! I fell for that nine times..." [Big Grin]

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 12-12-2006 02:15 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G [Smile] Lorraine

Irish writer Oscar Wilde was once asked his opinion of a certain widely-panned theatrical production.

"The play was a great success," he replied, "but the audience was a disaster." [Big Grin]

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 12-12-2006 02:17 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G [Smile] Lorraine

Orson Welles was once asked to name the three best directors in Hollywood.

"I like the old masters," he replied, "by which I mean John Ford, John Ford, and John Ford."

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 12-13-2006 12:53 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G [Smile]

Willie Nelson's
public statement regarding being caught with a bag of Marijuana last week:

"It's a good thing I had a bag of marijuana instead of a bag of spinach - or I'd be dead by now." [Big Grin]

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 12-14-2006 10:15 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G [Smile]

"Suddenly, quietly, you realize that...from this moment forth... you will no longer walk through this life alone. Like a new sun this awareness arises within you, freeing you from fear, opening your life. It is the beginning of love, and the end of all that came before"

Robert Frost

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 12-27-2006 06:20 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G [Smile] Lorraine

A young actress was once invited by Ethel Barrymore to dinner - and not only failed to appear but neglected to apologize or account for her absence. A few days later, the two women unexpectedly met at the Museum of Modern Art (MOMA) in New York. "I think I was invited to your house to dinner last Thursday night," the young woman began. "Oh, yes?" Barrymore replied. "Did you come?"

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 01-18-2007 11:11 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G [Smile] Lorraine

"Peanuts" creator Charles M. Schulz's comic vision was inspired by a childhood punctuated by a series of misfortunes and failures. One day the future cartoonist went to see a movie at a theater which had promised chocolate bars to the first 100 children who arrived. Naturally, Schulz was the 101st kid in line. [Smile]

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 01-18-2007 11:18 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G [Smile] Lorraine

One day in the early 1960s, John Lennon walked into London's Indica art gallery to visit an exhibition of avant garde art. Among the exhibits was a fresh apple. Inspired, Lennon impulsively plucked the item from its stand and took a bite. When the artist, who happened to be right there at the time, cried out in anger, Lennon sheepishly grinned and replaced the apple.

The artist in question? Yoko Ono.

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 01-18-2007 11:23 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G [Smile] Lorraine

Cary Grant donated his entire fee for 'Arsenic and Old Lace' ($100,000) to the U.S. War Relief Fund and gave his earnings from 'The Philadelphia Story' to the British war effort. [Smile]

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 01-18-2007 11:25 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G [Smile] Lorraine

Debbie Reynolds' film career began at MGM when she won a beauty contest at age 16 with an impersonation of Betty Hutton.

In 1948, she won the title of Miss Burbank and was offered a screen test by Warner Brothers the following day. Had she planned on a film career? Not exactly: she had entered the contest because each candidate was guaranteed a silk scarf, a blouse, and a free lunch.

[ 01-20-2007, 10:45 AM: Message edited by: Bob Maar ]

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 01-20-2007 10:44 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G [Smile] Lorraine

Beatles drummer Ringo Starr was often teased about his substantial nose.

Starr himself wasn't bothered by the issue. When people made cracks about his nose, he explained in the Beatles' film 'A Hard Day's Night', "it goes up one nostril and down the other."

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 01-20-2007 10:56 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G [Smile] Lorraine

A women's magazine once asked a number of famous women: "What is the first thing you notice about a woman?" "Her way of speaking," said Agatha Christie. "Her hands," said Maria Callas. Zsa Zsa Gabor's reply? "Her husband!"

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 01-22-2007 08:37 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G [Smile] Lorraine

Among his friends, Harry Houdini (1874-1926) was as famed for "escaping" from paying his bills as he was for escaping from chests and chains. On one occasion, after lunching with a group of other vaudeville performers, a conjuror named Meyenberg turned to Houdini and asked him whether he wanted to see a trick. Houdini enthusiastically agreed.

"Lay your hands flat on the table, with your palms down," Meyenberg instructed. When he did so, Meyenberg balanced two water-filled glasses on Houdini's hands, exclaimed, "Let's see you get out of that without paying the bill!" and quickly fled with the rest of the party. [Big Grin]

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