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Author Topic: Family Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-28-2005 12:45 PM                        Rated G My father's hearing aid occasionally emits a brief high-pitched squeal that can be heard by anyone near him. One day my little niece was sitting on his lap when the device started to beep. Surprised, my niece looked up at him. "Grandpa," she said, "you've got mail."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-28-2005 01:18 PM                        Rated G My mother had promised my father she'd close the family grocery store early to be home in time for their 25th-anniversary celebration. The party was scheduled to start at 7 p.m. and when she still hadn't appeared, Dad called her in a panic. Mom quickly locked the store and hurried home. A few minutes after she arrived, she received a phone call, grabbed her coat and rushed out again to the store. When she got there, she found two police cruisers and a crowd gathered outside-- in her haste to get home, she'd locked a customer in the store.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-30-2005 04:54 PM                        Rated G DADDY DOESN'T WANT TO PLAY WITH ME Once there was a little boy who wanted his dad to teach him how to play catch. One sunny day the little boy's father was sitting on the couch, drinking a beer, while watching a baseball game. The boy rushed into the house exclaiming, "Daddy, daddy, daddy, show me how to play catch!" The father, blankly starring at the television screen, replied, "In a little while son, let me finish watching this inning, come back in five minutes." "Okay daddy", said the boy and ran out of the room. Five minutes later the boy returned screaming, "Daddy, lets go lets play some catch now!" The father turned to the boy and said, "Hold on son, the inning is not quite over come back in five more minutes." "Okay, daddy", said the boy as he shuffled out the room. Five minutes later the boy returned ball and glove in hand eagerly awaiting for his father to play some catch. "Daddy, lets go, I want to be Ken Griffey Jr.!" shouted the boy By this time, the father had cracked open another cold one and another inning was taking place. Frustrated by the boys constant hindrances, the dad scanned the room. While scanning the room the father notice a magazine underneath the coffee table. On the cover of the magazine was a large picture of the world. The father, who was angered and annoyed, began tearing the magazine cover in to small pieces. After a few moments, of shredding up the magazine cover, the father turned to his boy and said, "Son, once you put this picture of the world back together we can play catch, but do not interrupt me again until you are done!" Apprehensively, the boy took the magazine and sulked into his room. As he sobbed, "Okay, daddy I won't". A few moments later the boy returned and said, "I'm done daddy can we play catch now?" Stunned, the father glanced towards his child, and there in his small hands laid the magazine with the world pieced perfectly together. Amazed, the dad asked his child how he put the world together so quickly. "It was simple" stated the boy. "On the back of the world was a picture of a person, and once I put the person together that's when their world came together."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 10-31-2005 09:21 AM                        Rated G Lorraine My husband, Richard, and I and our two girls recently moved to a new town. We decided to take the girls to a Halloween party at the local community center. Richard was talking to a new acquaintance and later introduced me to him. As we were leaving, Richard shook the fellow's hand and said, "Nice to meet you, James." "That's Benjamin," he replied. "And don't worry. I couldn't remember your name either."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-02-2005 08:29 AM                        Rated G Gerry They call it a family tree because, if you look hard enough, you'll always find some sap in it.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-02-2005 01:51 PM                        Rated G Once upon a time in their marriage, my Dad did something really stupid. My Mom chewed him out for it. He apologized, they made up. However, from time to time, my mom mentions what he had done. "Honey," my Dad finally said one day, "why do you keep bringing that up? I thought your policy was 'forgive and forget.'" "It is," she said. "I just don't want you to forget that I've forgiven and forgotten."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-03-2005 03:12 PM                        Rated G My family has a habit of naming the cruise control on our cars. We were use to hearing my father proclaim, "Take it,Max" as he flipped on the cruise control during long trips in our station wagon. Recently, I was travelling with my parents in their new car when we hit a wide expanse of highway. My dad leaned back and said, "I'll let Tom drive for awhile." I said "Tom who?" My mother translated: "Tom Cruise, of course."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-04-2005 08:19 AM                        Rated G When our nine-member family got together Mom cooked a twenty-pound turkey, which was nearly consumed by the crowd. Just before trash day, Mom posted a note on the refrigerator; "Pick on the turkey," to which my recently retired father soon added: "Instead of me."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-07-2005 12:05 PM                        Rated G While travelling on our family vacation, we stopped for dinner late in the day at a rather expensive-looking restaurant. When our youngest son ordered his usual peanut butter sandwich, the waitress told him that they didn't serve sandwiches after five. "Oh, no!" he exclaimed, "I was five on my birthday last week." She gave him a sympathetic pat on the head and left us mulling over the menu. A few minutes later she returned - and set a beautifully appointed peanut butter sandwich in front of one very grateful little boy.  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-08-2005 11:47 AM                        Rated PG A little girl says, "Daddy, I wish I had a little sister." Trying to be funny, the daddy says, "Honey, you do have a sister. You just don't see her because when you are coming in the front door, she is always leaving through the back door." The little girl thought about this and remarked, "You mean like my other Daddy does?"  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-21-2005 06:37 AM                        Rated G Ellen I answered the phone on my birthday and as soon as I said hello, my father-in-law sang Happy Birthday to me. When he finished, I thanked him and said, "It's a good thing you got the right number." "Well, the first time I didn't," he confessed, "but the lady I reached told me I needed the practice."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-21-2005 10:13 AM                        Rated G The wedding reception for my sister and her husband, Mario, was held in his hometown, so the majority of guests were his friends and family. My dad was anxious to introduce his daughter to the folks of the town so they might get to know Alicia a little better. He proudly enumerated some of her talents, and accomplishments and hobbies, such as fluency in two languages, composing music and poetry, and her ability to play just about any musical instrument. After Dad sat down, a friend of Mario's stood up. He said he felt something should also be said about the bridegroom, but all he could think of was, "Mario sure has a lot of catching up to do."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-21-2005 12:06 PM                        Rated G My sister, went to the department store to check out the bridal registry of our niece whose wedding was coming up soon. When my sister returned from the store, she tossed the gift list on a table and declared, "I think she's too young to get married." "Why do you say that?" I asked. "Because," she said, "they registered for Nintendo games."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 11-29-2005 01:59 PM                        Rated G I walked into my sister's kitchen and found my nephew, Mitch, having a snack. "Where's your mother?" I asked. "She said she was going to have a shower. Just a minute, I'll see." Mitch went to the kitchen tap and turned the hot water on full blast. An indignant yell came from above. Mitch calmly turned off the tap and said, "Yes, she's in the shower."  |  IP: Logged Bob Maar (Maar stands for Maartini) Posts: 28608 From: New York City & Newport, RI Registered: Feb 2001 posted 12-01-2005 08:34 PM                        Rated G Ours is a large family -- three boys followed by five girls. Shortly after our oldest brother was married, a visitor asked my five-year-old sister how many children there were in the family. "Eight," she replied. "Seven living and one married."  |  IP: Logged

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